Think Queerly

Taking risks is not about trying to be different or trying to make a name for yourself. This is not the same as riding a rollercoaster or sky-diving. This is a risk of the soul, exposing your truth, your abilities, and your creative genius to the world. You can’t predict anyone will care, follow you, or even support what you do — especially if you are only motivated by your ego. If the ego doesn’t...

Do you have a vision for what your dream life looks like? Or do you have a mission, or what some refer to as having a calling in life? You can have all of the above. As an example, I am consciously creating my dream life every day (and sometimes I doubt it will ever happen, but that’s another story). My focus on growing my business is connected with my mission and my calling. So how do you create...

The outcome of this self-assessment process is to gain clarity on the reasons for your problems, struggles or challenges. Once you get clarity on what’s holding you back, you can then come up with solutions and create an action plan to solve those problems and challenges. This process is part of my ADD Coaching Methodology: a 12-session program to help you, Assess the foundations of your life. How...

Why do we act mean or disrespectful towards others? Why don't we realize that this is a lack of self-respect? When we attack, harass, bully, defame, or call someone names, it is a reflection of our own self-image. Our actions are a reflection of our lack of control and emotional intelligence. It's easy to go down the path of anger, attack, and self- protection. The ancient parts of our brain serve...

Have you left the best parts of you in the closet? As a metaphor, the closet can be the place where you’ve suppressed and hidden away the best parts of who you are. These are your hidden dreams and desires, which might feel too heavy to drag out of the closet. The things we’re most afraid of doing are in fact the things that make us evolve. What we are afraid of is leaning out of our comfort zone....

A contemplative tale One early morning last week on my way to the gym, I saw a homeless man wandering aimlessly. I looked away, avoiding eye contact, and kept going, pretending that it shouldn't matter. But by thinking the thought, it did matter. It mattered that he was “homeless” and I did nothing about it – other than to recognize this awareness bothered me. I had so much going for me compared t...

Do you ever catch yourself in your own bullshit, making excuses for why you can’t do something, or why you don’t want to do something? What are the things you’re lying to yourself about that are holding you back from something that would make you happy; some action that, when completed, would improve the quality of your life? I am not an advocate of “feel the pain and do it anyway”, or “No more ex...

This episode was inspired by a recent post on my LGBTQ publication, Th-Ink Queerly about one person’s coming out process, and specifically her fears. I found it interesting because it became a list of fears that – I fear – would keep her forever trapped in a state of low self-worth and limited growth, if she doesn’t find a way to reframe her fears. The questions we ask ourselves determine our pers...

This past Sunday night, July 22 in Toronto, Faisal Hussain, a 29-year-old resident went on a shooting rampage on a number of Danforth Avenue restaurants. A 10-year-old girl and and and 18-year-old woman were killed, with many more injured in the attack. This is a terrible tragedy and my heart goes out to all those who have lost someone in this and other violent attacks. The news headlines and the...

Something I learned about myself some time ago, was how gay shame was holding me back and limiting my success. I was afraid of other people’s options of me. For many gay men it’s challenging to feel good enough, to feel like we belong, and to feel equal within society. Not feeling good enough started in my childhood, as it does for anyone who feels “different” (as I did) at a very early age. I fel...

Responding to the Perpetrators who cause pain and injustice On a daily basis – if you read headline news – there appears to be so much pain and anguish in the world. Often our intrinsic, immediate response to those who make us feel this way is to lash out or bash back. Is outrage and / or physical violence an appropriate response, and if not, how can we better respond to injustice? What individual...

If you do any kind of work in the public eye, whether you write, podcast, record videos, and so on, you need to be ready for the haters. And by the way, this includes posting to your personal Twitter or Facebook pages! You never know who’s lurking and ready to attack you for your views and opinions. Haters love to hate online. It’s easy – they can often hide behind a profile without a face picture...

Setting a standard of leadership starts with self-awareness One of the many test of leadership is seen when the leader must make difficult decisions that affect other people. True leadership is borne when others look to you for guidance. They might want to follow you, mimic you, or stand with you for what you believe is right and just. They will call you a leader, without you ever calling yourself...

If Pride remains a protest, where does that leave us? Pride will always be political so long as it continues to exist. Pride, as a celebration — because it is celebrated — is a priori political because of its origins. Even to those to whom Pride only seems a big party, the nature and existence of Pride is built upon the foundations of a political movement. The politics of pride are that of visibil...

Let’s talk about sex! How does a sexual position make you feel and what does that say about you? Are you versatile, or do you only like it one way? What was the impact of your first sexual experience on how you perceive pleasure and the development of your identity? What does control mean to you with respect to sex? I realize that much of my sexual identity stems from having been in the closet unt...

It seems such a simple question: What do you want? But do you know? This not about wanting things like a car, furniture, or making more money. Instead this question is about something much deeper. It’s about connecting with your core values and what your life would be like if you could finally have what you really want. What often happens when clients tell me what they want is that they also tell...

As gay men, we are always coming out of the closet to some degree. First, we come out as gay as an admission to ourselves about who we are. Then we come out to different people at different times, like our friends or parents. Sometimes other people do the coming out for us.  While you might not go “all the way back in” and completely hide who you are, how often have you changed something about you...

I'm Darren Stehle — writer, thinker, and personal evolution coach — and this is the Think Queerly Podcast.  A queer perspective is an essential counter-balance that supports a healthy, loving, inclusive, and equitable society. On the show, I explore LGBTQ+ history, social and political issues, and hosts discussions with queer leaders and creators who are making a meaningful difference in the world...