The Worst Bestsellers

Kait, Renata, and their guest Molly read Live and Let Die by Ian Fleming . It’s the second James Bond novel and probably the most racist one. (We didn’t read the other ones to confirm, though.) Can 007 possibly win when literally all the black people in America have united against him? What about all of the sea creatures? Listen now to hear us once again urge you to watch the movie ins...

Kait, Renata, and their guest Jennie (of Biblio File and Explaining Songs to My Toddler ) read The Greek Tycoon’s Blackmailed Mistress by Lynne Graham . This Harlequin romance novel has more complicated sex paperwork than Fifty Shades of Grey, but less sexy sex. Listen now to find out about what euphemisms for “nipple” wealthy Greek tycoons prefer! Readers advisory : Here. Footno...

Kait, Renata, and their guest Nick ( @polykinetic) read The Target by David Baldacci . It’s the story of CIA assassins and neo-Nazis and North Korean prison camps, but most of all, it’s the story of the power of maternal love. Actually, most of all, it’s the story of USA! USA! USA! Our discussion of this book is perfect to play over loudspeakers at your Memorial Day BBQs, or any...

Kait, Renata, and Kait’s secret cousin Nicole read City of Bones by Cassandra Clare , because we read all the rest of the Harry Potter fanfiction the internet had to offer. This is a book with something for everyone: vampires, werewolves, magical cats, telepathic monks, Shadowhunters, and surprise incest. Listen now for all of that, plus an in-depth discussion of Cassandra Clare’s sord...

Kait, Renata, and returning guest Caroline (of Fantastic Fangirls and Panels ) read Disclosure by Michael Crichton . It’s the ultimate sci-fi horror story for white men: a woman sexually harasses a man and lies about it, and everyone believes the woman ! Luckily, the intrepid hero is able to use high-tech 1993-era virtual reality to solve his problems and put that lying lady in her place. Pr...

Kait, Renata, and returning guest Margaret (one of Two Bossy Dames ) read Modelland by America’s Top Author Tyra Banks ! It’s a fashionable YA dystopia with 550 pages of text and easily 1000 nonsensical made-up concepts. This episode is plus-sized because we had so much to unpack, and also because Margaret is such a delightful Intoxibella that it is difficult to stop talking to her. Pu...

Kait, Renata, and their guest Amy read Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and their War on You by Greg Gutfeld. It’s the idle musings of a Fox News correspondent who hates “cool” things, such as Sean Penn, the environment, and minorities. We struggled to unpack the double-speak inherent in Gutfeld’s argument that “uncool” things are actually “cool,” but the...

Kait, Renata, and their guests Sophi and Stacey read (or re-read) Flowers in the Attic by V. C. Andrews . Some of us reflected fondly about furtively reading this in our childhoods, while others of us struggled to understand the appeal of the Dollanganger saga. Don’t worry–we read the sex scene aloud, so you don’t have to find that dogeared page from your library’s copy. Cu...

Kait, Renata, and their guest Abby ( The Librarian ) read Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life by James Patterson and Chris Tebbetts. It’s an unexpectedly dark psychological thriller (of sorts) that made us reflect on our own middle school years and also wonder if James Patterson has ever actually set foot inside a school. Listen now to hear why James Patterson once again failed to win...

Renata was snowed in, so she had three lesbians–Kait, returning guest Anna of Bellwether Friends , and internet personality Laura –tell her all about the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. They all agreed: it needed more dick. We also addressed various weird plot points of the book that we ran out of time to discuss in the last episode, encouraged people to donate money to whatever charity th...

Kait, Renata, and their guest Anna of Bellwether Friends read Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James! Their inner goddesses are all annoyed at how much they felt compelled to defend this book. Sure, it’s unconventional to have a modern college-aged protagonist who doesn’t own a computer, but once you get over the initial shock, it’s really not as bad as we thought it would be. Plus:...

Kait, Renata, and their guest Becca put on their forbidden satin gowns and read The Shunning by Beverly Lewis . It’s the ferhoodling story of a mildly rebellious Amish girl whose worldly desires eventually lead to her getting shunned by the community. Before they get around to all that, though, they have a lot of quilts to make and desserts to describe. If your religious traditions permit yo...

Kait, Renata, and their special guests Amanda and Christy read Need for Speed: The Movie Novelization by Brian Kelleher , a book based on a movie based on the video game based on the invention of the automobile. We originally read this book hoping that, like some of our favorite movie novelizations of years past, it would solve some of the lingering questions raised by the film, such as “Did...

Ring in the new year–1743–with Kait, Renata, and their guest lassie Erica! We read Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and we learned so much about British history, medicinal herbs, corporal punishment, witchcraft, animal husbandry, the Loch Ness Monster, and many other sexy topics. Sync your MP3 player to your nearest henge to listen now! Content warning : Outlander contains sexual assault an...

Tune in to our Bests & Worsts of 2014 episodes to hear us discuss these titles and read excerpts from our favorites and least favorites! Please note: We counted things that we read in 2014, regardless of publication year. We didn’t count anything that we read specifically for this podcast, so our worst books are aside from those. For that reason, we picked top 5 favorites and only 1 leas...

Tune in to our Bests & Worsts of 2014 episodes to hear us discuss these titles and read excerpts from our favorites and least favorites! Please note: We counted things that we read in 2014, regardless of publication year. We didn’t count anything that we read specifically for this podcast, so our worst books are aside from those. For that reason, we picked top 5 favorites and only 1 leas...

This is it: Kait, Renata, and their guest Caitlin have found the very worst bestseller. It’s The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck and it is truly terrible on every level. Listen now to hear our spirits get fully crushed by this holiday story of a young boy who loses everything because he selfishly wanted a bicycle for Christmas. Or you could spend an hour appreciating your family, so you won&...

God wanted to make sure you understood the true meaning of Christmas, so he sent you this podcast episode based on the movie, based on the novel, based on the song, The Christmas Shoes . In this bonus mini-sode, Kait and Renata confront Renata’s long-time nemesis Rob Lowe and conclude that he’s perfectly suited to play a douchebag lawyer who requires human sacrifices before he changes...

For this very special holiday episode, Kait and Renata are joined by librarian/Christmas enthusiast Ashley to discuss The Christmas Shoes by Donna VanLiere , the bestselling novel based on a #1 hit single. From this book we learned that Heaven has a dress code and that God will kill as many women as he has to in order to teach rich white men the true meaning of Christmas! Pour yourself some eggnog...

In this shocking episode, Kait and Renata have their first-ever white male guest, Renata’s brother Reid , to discuss Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims by noted white male Rush Limbaugh. In this book Rush Revere, an irresponsible substitute teacher/iced tea mascot and his talking, time-traveling horse take children of an alarmingly indeterminate age back to meet the Puritans. Listen now to l...

  Kait, Renata, and their guest, practicing misandrist Naomi , read Under the Radar by Fern Michaels and questioned the motives of the vigilante Sisterhood. You’d think a group of women dedicated to rescuing women from abuse would have sympathy for the forced sister wives of a polygamist cult, but as we discovered–you’d be shockingly incorrect about that. Listen now and help...

In this episode, Kait, Renata, and their guest Lisa struggle to piece together the clues of Christopher Pike’s Scavenger Hunt . As far as we can tell, it’s the story of a bunch of horny high school students on a scavenger hunt with their dead friend (who has been semi-reincarnated into the body of a brain-damaged football player). Did we mention that some of the high schoolers are secr...

Listeners, will you accept this bonus episode ? Margaret of Two Bossy Dames  joins Kait, Renata, and returning guest Stacey  to explain The Bachelor to us in this follow-up to our episode about  I Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain by Courtney Robertson.  In return, we read her more classy excerpts from Courtney’s book. Listen now to hear us struggle vali...

In this shocking rose ceremony–we mean podcast–three people who have never watched The Bachelor staunchly defend the show’s greatest villain! Kait and Renata are joined by Stacey to discuss I Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain by Courtney Robertson. We learned more than we ever expected to know about the winner of Season 16 of the Bachel...

For our third episode, Kait and Renata are joined by writer/activist Keane to discuss The Secret by Rhonda Byrne . This best-selling self-help book taught us that the Universe doesn’t understand the word “no.” Seriously, the Universe, no means no. Listen now to learn how to manipulate the Universe to cook a man! Or cook a man’s meal. The choice is yours. This episode was de...