The Update with Brandon Julien

In today’s edition of The Update Journal, somehow one spring retreat in the woods, the collapse of an entire reality TV empire, and the final episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert all ended up sharing the same energy: exhausted people trying to survive organized chaos. We revisit Camp Mason, where the hills were steep, the cabins were legally questionable, and Mr. Charles apparently drove...

In today's edition of The Update Journal, Somewhere between the 14th inning of a Mets game, a 97-degree subway platform, and a Memorial Day mattress commercial screaming at you like it’s the Super Bowl, we completely lost control of society. We look back at when extra innings used to be a psychological endurance test instead of a pace-of-play inconvenience, why every human being in New York be...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal, we ask an important question: if the self checkout says “CARD ONLY” in letters large enough to be seen from space… why are people still standing in the human cashier lane paying with Apple Pay like they just cracked the Da Vinci Code? Meanwhile, the universe itself is apparently hanging on by a thread after Stuart from The Big Bang Theory gets access to mu...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal, McDonald’s may be preparing to unleash a 100-piece McNuggets box onto society, which naturally raises several important questions — mainly how many Sweet & Sour sauces legally constitute a “serving,” and why every other sauce at McDonald’s feels like it’s just competing for second place. Meanwhile, Tootsie Roll Industries quietly reveals they’ve appare...

Fresh off the bus from Camp Mason and back within range of functioning cell service, The Update returns to New York just in time for Day 2 of the Long Island Rail Road strike — and somehow the situation has only gotten more chaotic. In this special bonus episode, we recap the first full weekend of commuter confusion as packed trains, overflowing buses, bumper-to-bumper traffic, and exhausted rider...

The Update goes fully mobile for a special bonus episode from deep in the woods of Camp Mason — where the Wi-Fi is questionable, the wildlife is aggressive, and somehow we’re still covering one of the biggest transit meltdowns in the tri-state area. On Day 1 of the Long Island Rail Road strike, we break down the commuter chaos unfolding back home as riders scramble for buses, ferries, carpools, em...

In today's edition of The Update Journal, apparently I’ve spent most of my life attending cookouts without actually participating in them. We’re talking barbecue blindness, the shocking realization that people have been eating brisket and ribs recreationally for years. Then, one piece of fried chicken and a can of Squirt turned into a full existential crisis. Because now I’m sitting here wonde...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal, apparently the universe has decided that patience is no longer a required life skill. First, we dive into the absolute emotional warfare known as UNO: No Mercy — because regular UNO apparently wasn’t destroying enough friendships already. Somewhere along the line, somebody looked at Draw Fours and said, “You know what this family game needs? Psychological...

Hello everyone! We're going into #TheUpdate vault to play one of our many episodes throughout our many years of the show. For today's episode, we go into the world of Year 5 of The Update. When we first started this then-show at WKRB in 2017, the first year had a lot of things going on. Donald Trump's first year in office, mass shootings worldwide, and the Great American Solar Eclipse...

We've done a lot of episodes throughout our many years of #TheUpdate, but some of them are my personal favorites. Every month, we're going to go into The Update vault and play one episode from my personal list of favorite episodes. I hope you enjoy them as much as i did hosting it.

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… the rulebook officially leaves the chat. We dive into the completely unhinged world of Banana Ball — where bunting is apparently a federal offense, fans can record outs from the stands, and baseball finally asked the question: “What if we let the theater kids run the league?” Somewhere, traditional baseball executives are currently stress-eating sunflower...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal, we try to figure out what a “sudachi” actually is after Red Bull dropped a new summer flavor that sounds less like an energy drink and more like a spa treatment. Meanwhile, 7-Eleven has apparently decided they no longer want to just sell you late-night taquitos — they now want to cater your entire family gathering with taco bars, pizza, and breakfast sandw...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… Heinz decided mayonnaise needed a passport and sent it on a full international vacation exclusively through Walmart, because apparently regular mayo just wasn’t cultured enough anymore. From Japanese-inspired Ginger Sesame to Hawaiian Tropical Teriyaki, we try to figure out when condiments became exchange students. Then… Saturday morning took a hard left t...

Hello everyone! We're going into #TheUpdate vault to play one of our many episodes throughout our many years of the show. For today's episode, we go into the world of Year 5 of The Update. When we first started this then-show at WKRB in 2017, the first year had a lot of things going on. Donald Trump's first year in office, mass shootings worldwide, and the Great American Solar Eclipse...

Hello everyone! We're going into #TheUpdate vault to play one of our many episodes throughout our many years of the show. For today's episode, we go into the world of Year 5 of The Update. When we first started this then-show at WKRB in 2017, the first year had a lot of things going on. Donald Trump's first year in office, mass shootings worldwide, and the Great American Solar Eclipse...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… Chick-fil-A has apparently decided the only way to get people to look up from their phones during dinner is to dangle ice cream in front of them like a reward for good behavior. Meanwhile, the internet has once again discovered that the Minions are all male because apparently chaos, goggles, and workplace incompetence are “guy energy.” And in The Last Word...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… society officially spun the wheel and landed on chaos. Honestly, this entire lineup feels like it was generated by an AI that was fed snacks, nostalgia, and burnout. We’ll talk about the new Ultimate Garlic Parm Doritos — a chip flavor that sounds less like a snack and more like something served at a rooftop restaurant in Queens with exposed brick and a $2...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… a simple trip to the bathroom turned into a full existential crisis after Sunset Citrus Margarita soap from Bath & Body Works smelled so much like an actual drink that I briefly questioned whether I should pour it over ice and serve it with tortilla chips. At what point did soap stop smelling “clean” and start smelling like the appetizer menu at a roof...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal, we take a bold step into the future… by pressing every single button in the studio and hoping nothing explodes. The Information Center got an upgrade, which means the setup looks sleeker, more professional— and significantly more confusing. There are lights, switches, panels, and at least one button that we’re pretty sure launches something. The producers...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal, we start on a note that genuinely feels like the end of something big. John Sterling has died at the age of 87, officially closing the microphone on a voice that didn’t just call Yankees games—it was Yankees baseball for generations. Even if you weren’t a Yankees fan (hi, yes, that’s me), you knew the calls. You heard the home runs. You waited for the sign...

Hello everyone! We're going into #TheUpdate vault to play one of our many episodes throughout our many years of the show. For today's episode, we go into the world of Year 5 of The Update. When we first started this then-show at WKRB in 2017, the first year had a lot of things going on. Donald Trump's first year in office, mass shootings worldwide, and the Great American Solar Eclipse...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… the calendar says May 1st, but emotionally? We’re somewhere between late August burnout and mid-October sports-induced heartbreak. The Mets spent April reminding us that hope is a dangerous game, and Mets fans once again finding creative new ways to say “it’s early” through gritted teeth. Meanwhile, over on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Olivia Ben...

Hello everyone! We're going into #TheUpdate vault to play one of our many episodes throughout our many years of the show. For today's episode, we go into the world of Year 5 of The Update. When we first started this then-show at WKRB in 2017, the first year had a lot of things going on. Donald Trump's first year in office, mass shootings worldwide, and the Great American Solar Eclipse...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… we start on a New York City bus, where one perfectly timed (and completely unnecessary) “Stop Requested” moment sends me spiraling into a nearly 20-year-old memory I didn’t ask to revisit—but somehow remembered in full HD. Then, we head over to the cartoon justice system, where getting unmasked by Scooby-Doo apparently comes with an automatic life sentence...

In today’s edition of The Update Journal… McDonald’s has officially decided that burgers were just the opening act, and now they’re coming for your entire beverage identity. Cold foam, refreshers, mystery fruit combinations… at this point, they’re one oat milk away from opening inside a yoga studio. Meanwhile, the ice cream truck economy is booming again, which means Mr. Softee is back on the stre...