The Shrink Think Podcast

The second and most destructive of the four “horseman” that the Gottmans identify as a relationship killer is contempt. Contempt involves taking a one-up position of superiority and shaming the other person. The antidote to contempt is a culture of appreciation in the relationship. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over...

Why do some people just “talk talk talk” in a monologue in therapy? It could be that this kind of verbal processing is what they need to explore and understand what it is they think or feel, and the space given by a therapist facilitates it. If you’re not sure, having a conversation between therapist and client about this dynamic can help both of you understand each other and work together best. A...

The fourth and final of the Gottman “horsemen” is stonewalling-withdrawing and disengaging from the conversation to build a kind of “wall” between you and your partner. This usually comes from physiological overwhelm called “flooding,” where the stonewaller shuts down and chooses to disengage. The antidote to stonewalling is taking time to calm down and re-engaging. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins...

The third “horseman” of the relational apocalypse is defensiveness, usually as a response to criticism. Defensiveness is a form of self-protection from a perceived attack, usually from a place of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood. The antidote to defensiveness is accepting responsibility for your role in the conflict or situation. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health exp...

John & Julie Gottman founded the Love Lab at the UW in Seattle, WA which can predict with 94% accuracy whether a couple will stay together based on observing the first several minutes of their argument. The Gottmans discovered four relationship killers called “the four horsemen”; the first one being criticism. Criticism is when you attack the person or character rather than address the behaviors....

Do you know the difference between arguing and discussing? Conflict in a relationship will require some conversation about it, and we want to make sure you’re discussing issues with the goal of understanding one another. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy...

When someone you care about is struggling and needs help, it can be difficult to talk with them about considering therapy. Here are some suggestions about what to say, and what not to say, in that delicate conversation to encourage someone to talk with a therapist. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of expe...

Guest Tory Krone, a counselor and entrepreneur, talks about focusing on the present over the past using ACT to make practical changes. She encourages people to get curious first about themselves then about others, in order to improve relationships. In this interview, she describes her clinical process of "mapping" people's experiences as well as her passion for helping group counseling practices g...

Therapists are people with personality traits. Extroverted therapists, for example, can be easy to connect with, be good communicators, and give helpful feedback. They may also need to be more intentional about holding space for clients without interruption, ask more questions than offering answers, and be patient with the process and allow people to come to their own conclusions. Aaron Potratz &...

Therapists are people with personality traits. Introverted therapists, for example, can be great listeners, ask good questions, and hold space for people to share. They may also need to be more intentional about asserting themselves, be aware of the conversational balance with clients, and give feedback or challenge people - which may be uncomfortable for many introverts. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Ha...

Have you defined a period of your life by a single (negative) event? Does that event taint the rest of that time period or season? If so, you might need to reclaim or redeem that season. Learn how to identify the way you might have defined your season too negatively, as well as what to do about it to reclaim that part of your life. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, lice...

In this final episode, Dr. David Niyonzima, an ambassador for healing in the African country of Burundi, finishes his story about bringing healing - not treatment - to the people of his country and spreading this message of healing internationally. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each...

In this second of three episodes, Dr. David Niyonzima, an ambassador for healing in the African country of Burundi, continues his story about how he escaped genocide and discovered "mental health" which he later brought back to his country for people like him who had experienced trauma. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with...

In this first of three episodes, we sit down with Dr. David Niyonzima, an ambassador for healing in the African country of Burundi. He shares the history of tribalism and genocide in the country, as well as how he was personally impacted which put his life on a course to pursue healing for trauma. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical super...

Generally, in long-term loving and committed relationships, sexual differences begin to appear. Nathan breaks this down for men and for women, as well as what can be done to better accept these to improve your relationship. Note that we are educational, not explicit with regard to the topic. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors...

Using a list of Universal Human Needs, which everyone has, we discuss the importance of knowing your needs and how they make you - and others - known. When you know your feelings AND the needs that are associated with them, you can better meet them and be a healthier, more stable person. It also means you can better see and meet the needs of others in relationships. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins...

Assessments in therapy sound boring. They’re not! Let us surprise you! We explain why a good assessment, in the first couple of sessions of therapy, is important to everything else that happens - including the effectiveness and direction of your treatment. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. T...

How do you know if therapy is good? We discuss some good indicators that your therapy is quality, beyond the basic “my therapist is warm and empathetic.” Our hope is that you can be better informed to make a good decision about your therapy, or if you’re a therapist, you can be reminded of what people need in order for therapy to be effective. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health e...

Part 2 of 2. There is a common dynamic in marriage where a passive husband does not contribute like his wife needs him to, which causes her to “over function.” When she tries to talk to him to get more initiation from him, he often shuts down or says he will help but then doesn’t. This “pursue-and-withdraw” pattern can be tricky! In this episode, we focus on the passive husband: why he shuts down...

Part 1 of 2. There is a common dynamic in marriage where a passive husband does not contribute like his wife needs him to, which causes her to “overfunction.” When she tries to talk to him to get more initiation from him, he often shuts down or says he will help but then doesn’t. This “pursue-and-withdraw” pattern can be tricky! In this episode, we focus on the unsupported wife: what she feels and...

This is a re-release of a popular episode we recorded way back in 2021. We’ve been introducing more IFS content and thought it would be helpful to “bump” this informative episode but with a fresh coat of paint! Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice...

You’ve heard the saying “you can’t give away what you don’t already have for yourself.” We unpack that, using Love as an example, to show you that being patient, kind, and humble with yourself is not only NOT selfish but is the epitome of “self-love.” And when you love yourself like this, you can more authentically love others. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed...

We’ve introduced Internal Family Systems and described it, and thought it would be helpful to hear it demonstrated. Aaron offers himself as a client for Nathan as his IFS therapist, focusing on a “performing/achieving” part of Aaron’s system. Listen/watch to experience IFS more in-depth. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors wit...

As therapists, we often hear the version of life our clients tell us without realizing there may be another version that’s very different. When a client brings in their significant other and those versions vary drastically, we get to see it in real time-and it can be shocking! We hope this episode helps you realize there’s another side of your story so you can be open to it and even seek it out. A...

If you’ve been with people who are emotionally closed off then meet someone who is open, it can feel like availability but it’s not. You can be emotionally open but not available for your partner in a relationship. We break down the difference between these three and give examples to help you understand so you can hopefully work toward the healthiest version of yourself and your relationship. Aaro...