The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno

We are finally seeing genuine momentum. This week, Bethany and Brian report being in a "good space," having successfully navigated a conflict without spiraling into a negative cycle for the first time in weeks. You'll hear how Bethany paused to articulate her intent, allowing Brian to truly hear her rather than react. This session focuses on solidifying that win through somatic work—helping Brian'...

Last week, we explored the "why" behind Bethany's avoidant behavior. This week, we go deeper, uncovering the pain she has been silently carrying to keep the peace. For years, Bethany has minimized her own needs, believing her hurts "don't rise to the level" of the pain she caused Brian. But this silence has come at a cost: disconnection, resentment, and the loss of her own voice. In a powerful mom...

Last week, we sat with Brian's heavy narrative that Bethany is "out to get him." This week, we turn the lens around to understand the experience of the avoidant partner. We explore a conflict about picking up their sick daughter from daycare, where Bethany's genuine attempt to help is misread as control, leaving her feeling like the "bad guy" yet again. We finally unveil the "why" behind Bethany's...

After a long holiday break, Bethany and Brian have lost momentum and are "not in a good spot." Brian opens the session feeling "checked out" and asks, "Is this insanity?" while Bethany feels like she's "walking on eggshells," afraid to trigger him. The core of the session focuses on the main block to their progress: Brian's unshakeable and "unworkable" narrative that Bethany is "maliciously out to...

Is there an expiration date on old wounds? This week, Brian struggles with seeing Bethany receive empathy for her car accident, as it triggers a deep, unspoken pain from his own past trauma. Months earlier, he was the victim of a violent attack that left him unable to work and feeling alone, which became the foundation for his "I'm done, I'm leaving" stance and his feeling of being a "second-class...

This week, we take a special mid-season break to catch up with our Season 1 couple, Melissa and Drew. It's been a year since we last heard from them, and they're back to share an honest update. We revisit their old anxious-avoidant cycle—Melissa's fear of Drew's shutdowns and their struggles with parenting differences—and hear how they are navigating those triggers today. Melissa and Drew share th...

What happens when a couple survives a major crisis, only to be thrown back into their negative cycle by a simple text message? This week, after Bethany recounts a traumatic car accident and Brian's initial, supportive response, a seemingly small conflict about a baby monitor spirals into a "knock-down, drag-out" fight. We dive deep into the difficult work of co-regulation when both partners are hu...

Why do we lie to the people we love? This week, we dive into that question by exploring the roots of Bethany's financial dishonesty—a betrayal that has broken Brian's trust and left him questioning everything. This session moves beyond blame to understand the fears and unmet needs that often drive dishonest behavior. It's a powerful look at why healing mistrust is an essential first step before a...

For anyone wondering why they keep hitting the same wall in their relationship, this session is essential listening. This week, we go back to the beginning to uncover the origin stories of Bethany and Brian's core wounds—the first major hurts that set their painful cycle in motion and are still alive in their conflict today. We explore how their survival strategies collide when old pain is trigger...

Have you ever gotten caught up in the "50/50" debate in your relationship? This week, we explore the messy, emotional reality that lives underneath the fight for fairness. The session dives into a conflict where Brian feels he's carrying an unequal share of the load, from household chores to finances, leaving him feeling unseen and unappreciated. We explore how the argument isn't really about who...

What is the emotional cost for the partner who is left behind in the silence? This week, we turn to Bethany's side of the story to understand her experience of being on the receiving end of Brian's threats to leave. We explore the cycle of confusion and anxiety that begins the moment he emotionally withdraws. We journey into the pain Bethany so often holds inside—the feeling of being punished for...

What happens when the fear of being hurt makes leaving feel safer than staying? This week, we dive deep into Brian and Bethany's journey as Brian shares a distressing dream and a painful childhood memory that reveal the roots of his mistrust and his instinct to detach when he feels trapped. We explore how Brian's nervous system drives him to make empty threats to leave, leaving Bethany hurt and co...

What happens when a real-life crisis puts your relationship's progress to the ultimate test? This week, a stressful weekend surrounding their daughter's tonsil surgery sends Bethany and Brian spiraling, revealing how a shared set of facts can tell two completely different stories and leave both partners feeling more alone than ever. We explore how Bethany's anxiety about their daughter triggers Br...

In this week's session, we dive deeper into Brian's inner world as he unpacks the painful feeling of being a "second-class citizen" in his relationship with Bethany. What does it mean to feel unimportant to the person you love and how does that hurt turn into anger? We explore how Brian's anger is rooted in a longing for connection, not control, and how his unspoken sadness transforms into name ca...

In the Season 2 premiere, we meet Bethany and Brian, a couple stuck in a painful cycle of conflict fueled by their attachment styles, Brian's anxious patterns and Bethany's avoidant retreat.  This session lays the groundwork for the season as we explore how they each respond when triggered. We dive into a recent fight over a Wi-Fi password, which activated Brian's deep-seated trust issues. Then, w...

In Season 2 of The Secure Love Podcast , licensed therapist and author Julie Menanno returns with a new couple: Bethany and Brian, separated, on the brink of divorce, and making one final attempt to repair their relationship.  This season you'll hear name-calling, financial betrayal, post-partum isolation and deep emotional wounds surface in real time. But beneath the hurt, there's a deeper story,...

In this special live Q&A episode, Melissa, Drew, and Julie reflect on their transformative journey through 20 sessions of couples therapy. Hear why Melissa and Drew chose to take part in this experience, their initial anxieties, and what they gained along the way. They share insights into their progress, areas they're still working on, and moments that didn't make it onto the podcast. Julie also d...

    In this episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Julie works with Drew and Melissa in their final therapy session, focusing on Drew's shame and self-acceptance. The session aims to help Drew accept himself even when his anxieties lead to imperfect behavior. Julie explains that self-acceptance—recognizing one's worth despite mistakes—is crucial for breaking the cycle of shame, which can trigger avoi...

This week on the Secure Love Podcast the focus continues on Melissa's experience as the anxious partner and her journey toward self-acceptance. The episode explores Melissa's struggle to believe she can be loved—even with her fears and imperfections. Guided by Julie, Melissa begins to understand that true love, both from herself and from Drew, must include even the most anxious parts of who she is...

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast , host Julie Menanno focuses on Melissa's anxious attachment style, exploring her emotional regulation challenges and the roots of her people-pleasing tendencies. Julie addresses Melissa's need to create ideal family experiences, illustrated by her high expectations for a recent Halloween outing. Drew's contrasting laid-back parenting style sparked confli...

In this revealing episode of the Secure Love Podcast, host Julie Menanno explores the intricate balance of emotional engagement and self-regulation in relationships through the lens of real-life couple Melissa and Drew. This session represents a significant breakthrough for the couple, as the conflict surrounding their differing emotional responses has been at the center of their negative cycle. T...

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast , Julie Menanno explores the complex communication patterns between Melissa, the anxious partner, and her husband Drew. Melissa's deep-rooted anxieties about Drew's desire to be social resurface, causing her to feel as though he's choosing connections outside of their family over her and the kids. Julie guides Melissa through understanding how past moment...

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast , couples therapist Julie Menanno focuses on Drew, the avoidant partner in his relationship with Melissa, as they continue working through disconnection issues in their marriage. The episode highlights a recurring tension between Drew's desire to spend time with friends and Melissa's longing for him to connect with her and their children first. As the pri...

  In this episode of  The Secure Love Podcast , host Julie Menanno continues working with Melissa and Drew, building on their previous session. The couple reflects on a recent incident during their vacation where Melissa's bid for connection at dinner went unanswered, triggering a familiar negative cycle and leading to her protest behavior. This episode focuses on Drew's perspective. He shares how...

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, Julie explores the challenges Melissa and Drew face during their anniversary trip. Despite overall enjoyment, the couple encounters difficulties in connecting, highlighting the complexities of transitioning from daily responsibilities to relaxation. Melissa struggles to unwind and feels disconnected from Drew, who seems more at ease. As listeners, we mig...