The Real Weird Sisters | A Harry Potter Podcast

The gang’s back together, but Ron has some serious and somber work cut out for him when it comes to winning Hermione over again, and tuning the wireless radio certainly isn’t helping. Luckily, Harry and Ron are very subtly able to get away to “pick blackberries,” which is bro code for “goof off ten feet away from the tent.” Meanwhile, Hermione comes up with a pl...

Harry, dressed in all the sweaters he owns and running on two nights without sleep, makes the wise decision to follow a mysterious doe (dough?) deep into the Forest of Dean. Ron, with a ball of light inside his chest (we must have heard that wrong) saves the day and makes a triumphant return to the tent (if they can only find it!), where at least Hermione doesn’t sic a flock of enchanted bir...

Yet another cheery chapter to brighten your Monday! Harry finally gets the savage pleasure of finding out the “truth” that old Batty and Enid Smeek shared (willingly or not) with the world’s most reliable narrator, Rita Skeeter, and the truth is that Dumbledore shared a damn sight more with Gellert Grindelwald than he ever did with Harry. This super short chapter packs an emotion...

The Christmas fun continues as the bald man and the little woman head to old Batty’s house. To be fair, she was very persuasive and acting totally normal! This is one of Voldemort’s weakest plans that should have never worked, but to Hermione’s surprise, Harry’s mistake was not failing to close his mind, but failing to learn what Parseltongue actually sounds like. This chap...

This chapter is a major emotional journey. Undesirable Number One finds himself pining for his ex-girlfriend (probably Cho; it is unclear from the context) and entertaining unrealistic theories about the sword in order to get his way. And between the fallout of Ron’s departure, reminders of Dumbledore’s desertion, and the first trip to James’ and Lily’s graves, Harry, Hermi...

The lack of bacon sandwiches is really starting to get to everyone, and it’s a real slap of fish on the flesh when they realize they’ve completely forgotten about the possibility of “Accio Salmon!” Harry, Ron, and Hermione get their first excitement in days when they very coincidentally cross paths with some wizards (and, er, goblins) and learn all about what the sleeping s...

It’s finally time for some CAMPING!! The trio is now on the run, and Kreacher’s delicious steak and kidney pie has to be swapped out for some rubbery mushrooms stewed in a billycan. This chapter is full of déjà vu moments, from Harry forgetting that he’s a wizard to Hermione lecturing Harry about closing his mind. Harry’s “dream” leaves him wondering who the thi...

The trio continues with their extremely well-thought-out plan at the Ministry, with only a few tiny hiccups along the way. With Hermione and Ron busy doing the actual jobs of their alter egos, Harry checks a most unlikely location for the locket–Umbridge’s office, which is apparently now guarded by Mike Wazowski. And don’t worry, if you’ve been missing the horribleness of t...

One of the biggest mysteries of the book is introduced and resolved over the course of this enigmatic chapter, and no, we’re not talking about the mystery of why JK Rowling seems to think even and odd house numbers are on the same side of the street. If you are wondering what has been going on at Grimmauld Place for the last few weeks, so have we! All we know right now is that the square is...

An extremely aged Lupin, bearing a strong resemblance to Jacob Marley, shows up at Grimmauld Place to inform the trio of the Death Eaters outside, propose a tempting plan, and drop some very surprising news about Tonks. Harry tries out the name “Remus,” and it’s about as cool as Remus’s insistence on referring to Snape as “Severus.” Though the title of this chap...

Once again, the starting page number of this chapter proves to be very significant as Kreacher reveals his story to the trio. But before we get to the elf tale, Harry spends some time ransacking Sirius’s bedroom, under the watchful eye of several bikini-clad muggle girls, a very telling photo of the Marauders, and possibly Phineas Nigellus. And “oh, Harry,” this chapter is full o...

The trio lands in the middle of London–but NOT on Shaftesbury Avenue–and Ron and Harry (or should we still be calling him Barny??) look extra cool in their dress robes. It’s a good thing that Hermione turns out to be more skilled at undetectable extension charms than she is at memory charms. As they search for a place to hide, there’s one location we know they definitely wo...

Thanks to Cousin Barny’s outstanding attention span, this vunderful chapter is filled with beautiful wedding quotes, which are quite useful for social media posts when people you love get married! This chapter also brings the long-awaited introduction of the effervescent Auntie Muriel, charming family memories of old Uncle Bilius, and intriguing theories about Mr. Weasley’s possible ex...

Harry finally comes of age, so it’s time to really put his magic skillz to the test and make some stuff fly around the room! It’s also time to try out a few of the twelve fail-safe ways to charm witches on both of the Weasley women, though Ron and a certain tall, faceless, unpleasant stranger might have something to say about that. In discussing the chapter, Martha uncovers Harry&#8217...

Harry’s struggle with his savior complex has never been more real, and there’s just no time for anything so completely trivial as vol-au-vents or weddings! Unfortunately for him, Mrs. Weasley (whose eyes are the exact shade of Ginny’s, coincidentally) has other plans for everyone, which do not include magically-altered motorbikes or plotting Voldemort’s demise. We hope this...

Martha may not be as excited about this week’s chapter art as she was last week, but the characters do remind us of a certain Hundred Acre Wood character, to everyone’s surprise! Also included this week are the many things we “do like,” Harry mistaking Andromeda for Bellatrix (even though she isn’t singing), and imagined last words for Dumbledore, because we just aren’t buying the ones Lupin and K...

The moment we’ve all been dreading has finally arrived, so have a seat on the washing machine, pour yourself a tall glass of Harry-flavored Polyjuice Potion (it’s much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle!) and drink to our poor sweet girl, the true fallen warrior, queen of our hearts, Hedwig. We’re really going to miss her as she goes off on her new adventure of happily exploring the w...

The Dursleys and Harry bid each other adieu, though not quite as tearfully as Hestia and Dedalus (aka the Order’s D-Squad) predicted. Awkward moments ensue when Harry realizes that Dudley didn’t actually attempt a clever booby trap, Vernon realizes the Order’s master plan to get their house, and Dedalus refers to the Dursleys in the absolute least flattering manner. Meanwhile, Alice and Martha dis...

In this crossover episode, The Real Weird Sisters (Alice and Martha) are joined by special guest Mary Kwiatkowski (@FrailMary) and the Sorting Reaping Ball to sort the characters of The Hunger Games into Hogwarts houses. Be aware that the show contains spoilers from both The Hunger Games and Harry Potter series. Please subscribe to our show! Book club episodes are released every Monday. The post S...

As Harry makes his way through his trunk and reads his newspaper, he is also forced to reckon with the fact that he is now a magic school dropout. Hedwig is trapped in her cage (moment of silence), the validity of Elphias Doge’s friendship with Dumbledore is questioned, and Harry realizes that his education has failed him. But at least he can do maths and stuff! Finally, Alice and Martha com...

Martha relives an embarrassing stream of Facebook videos, Alice reveals that she does not really care about Charity Burbage, and both sisters get a little too caught up looking up pictures of white peacocks. Also featured in the chapter are Voldemort being extremely withholding, Lucius being pathetic, and Yaxley trying way too hard. When you finish listening, we hope you won’t be wondering “what’d...

This may be J.K. Rowling’s favorite film of the series (we have some theories as to why that is), but it is certainly none of ours. Nevertheless, we had a great time with Shandy of the Broadcast (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-broadcast/id1128235491?mt=2) dissecting everything about the sixth movie from the romances to the fiyah to the acting. Oh, and @ShutUpTim was there too. Ple...

We’ve reached the end of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, or as we like to call it, Harry Potter and Snape. Is the final chapter as good as Alice remembered? Is it necessary to include both first and last names of characters we’ve gotten to know over the course of six books? And did Harry really have to do that stupid, noble thing? You’ll find out! Please consider supporti...

Alice and Martha are joined by the Real Weird Dad to sort an assortment of fictional dads, and then joined by another very special guest, Grandpa Paul Krebill. Paul Krebill’s self-published books can be found at http://bit.ly/paulkrebillbooks and http://bit.ly/paulkrebill. Please consider supporting us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters. Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our sh...

(Spoiler alert) Dumbledore is dead, and Fawkes the phoenix (pronounced FEE-nix) is lamenting. Harry works through his emotions as visitor after visitor enters the hospital wing — even though he’s not hurt. Sparks fly between two unexpected lovebirds, but don’t worry about the fact that it’s in response to Dumbledore’s death, because Dumbledore would have been happier than anyone to think there was...