The Opinion Machine???

#33 Cowardly Zebras, Ridiculous Firemen & Lying Ass Laser Removers Aka: How dare you seek love & attention.

Skinny Little Arms, Boob-Like Hands & Unable To Run More Than A Block Without Collapsing. Aka: Guns are definitely, absolutely, no doubt about it, for pussies.

Alex “PizzaGate” Jones, The Spectrum Of Evil, & Conspiracy Theory As Investigative Journalism. Aka: my dichotomous joy in maybe being wrong about the seemingly over suspicious.

Impostor Snake Charmers, Fraudulent Australian Alligator Farmers, & 45 Year Old Kindergarteners. AKA: Your artificially aged cowboy hat blows your cover.

 Never Make Quick Decisions In Reno, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, & How Reliance Upon Others Is Key To Disappointment. Aka: Independence is good.

 Underestimating The Mentally Challenged, Overestimating Your Own Intelligence, & Consequence Free Smugnicity. Aka: why so many idiots think they are smarter than Donald Trump.

Star City Music Festival, Awkwardly Accepting Tips, & The Timely Kindness Of The Twisted Sister. Aka: You try singing sappy songs in front of random strangers.

Here An Opinion, There An Opinion & None As Good As Mine. AKA: what you need is another fuckin’ podcast.

My Polynesian Step Family, Driving In Circles, & All Expenses Paid Retirement In A Tropical Paradise. Aka: Who do I gotta kill to join the Hawaiian brotherhood?

How Chris Cuomo Earned His Nickname, Jesus Sucked Up To The Big Man, & I Tricked My Way Through The Bishop’s Interview. Aka: How to ban your way to stardom.

Getting To The Fucking Point, Cowardly Internet Snitchery, & The Dubious Future Of Digital Meteorology. AKA: Amish barn raising looks more appealing every day.

The Harsh Reality Of Conditional Nudity, The Myth of Unconditional Love, & The Pervasive Cruelty Of Swipe Leftists. AKA: It’s a miracle people aren’t wearing body armor to spin class.

Fat Albert Einstein Can’t Dance, Stephen Hawkings Can’t Kick A Field Goal, & Michael Jordan Forgot Where He Left His Keys. AKA: Everyone is retarded.

#20 - Facebook Jail

Killer Bees, Exploding Bee Keepers, & The Irrational Fear Of Red Leather Pants. AKA: Being skeptical, critical, cautious and wary ain’t nothin of which to be scared.

 Old Dudes Watercoloring, Young Dudes Fixing Race Cars, & An Endless Stream Of Dog Rescue Videos. AKA: Social Media doesn’t really give an accurate picture of anyone.

Howard Stern Finds Jesus, David Letterman Turns Into Mother Teresa, & Maddox Unironically Clutches His Self Administered Pearl Necklace. AKA: Jesus ain’t known for his stand-up comedy.

The Penis/Vagina Shouting Match, Claw Marks To Match My Freckles, & How Bruised Egos Lead To Bruised Bodies. AKA: It’s surprising there aren’t mass shootings every 5 minutes.

A Big Dumb Cowboy Hat, A Frumpy Forgettable Girl, & A Whore In Red Leather (Tits To Toes). Aka: It’s not my fault I don’t remember you.

Mathematically Induced Rage, Defiant Popcorn Revenge, & Why I Hated School. Aka: These obedient idiots are NOT my people!

 Having My First Drink At 33, 13 Subsequent Years Of Catch-up, & Losing Interest In Booze As I Lost Interest In Strangers. Aka: I recognize drunk facebooking when I see it.

Artist Of The Year, Juvenile Photo Realism, & The Crushing Melancholy Of Valiant Best Efforts. AKA An ironic, low effort plea of: can you at least TRY!?

 - Prophets For Profits, Mexican Kids In Cages, & The Ever-Presence Of DoomsDayism. Aka: Your boiling forehead is giving me a sunburn.

 - Little Tiny Rocks, Dog’s Ears Flapping, & The Unfathomable Miracle Of Everything. Aka: Don’t Worry So Much.

 - Thin Skin, Thick Skin & The Subtle Tenderness Of Screaming Out In Pain