The Lives in the Balance Podcast

What could be more important than homework? Lots of things! And trying to solve every problem at once is the surest way to guarantee than none get solved at all.

Making amends is fine...but solving problems so the child doesn't have to make amends in the first place is even better.

Well, not exactly...but your respective concerns have equal standing and both sets of concerns need to be addressed for a problem to be solved. 

Sometimes parents who are new to Collaborative Problem Solving are very hard on themselves for not knowing about it in the first place and feel pretty bad about what they were doing before. But you can't fault yourself for what you didn't know.

Solutions arrived at with Plan A -- through imposition of adult will -- are not only unilateral, they're uninformed...and that's a big part of the reason they often don't work very well.

The Parents Panel covered a wide range of topics on today's program...including the difference between "lowering" and "adjusting" expectations for a behaviorally challenging child.

It's certainly fine to ask a child how he or she feels about an unsolved problem...but if you want to solve the problem, gathering information about his or her concern or perspective is even better.

Two different moms called into today's program asking for guidance on helping their kids' schools get on board with the CPS model.  Their situations were a little different...but the guidance was pretty much the same.

On today's program we were reminded of how important it is to get a handle on a child's lagging skills so we understand what's really getting in the way for the child...and to nail down highly specific unsolved problems so we know what we're working on.

Plan B is fundamentally easy but really hard...and, on this program, our Parents Panel members talked about their own experiences with the hard parts.

We covered a lot of territory on today's program, but one of the big questions was related to how parents can help schools implement CPS.  (That doesn't come until near the end of the program...fortunately, there's lots of good information on the way there.)

What treatment options should you consider for your behaviorally challenging child?  You can't really answer that question until you achieve a clear understanding of what's causing your child's difficulties.  Without that understanding, there's the risk of haphazardly trying many different treatments. Better to use the ALSUP so you can take aim.

Some sad stories on today's program, but also some hope: we have the technology to identify kids' lagging skills and unsolved problems, and we have the technology to see that those problems get solved. A very informative program covering a wide range of topics.

Even Parents Panel members sometimes get stuck using Plan A...and need help getting back to Plan B. 

On today's program, we heard from a mom whose son is sleeping late and missing a lot of school. How are we going to solve that problem? By using Plan B to learn as much as possible about how that student fell into that hole in the first place. 

What do you do when your child's difficulties get you down? You try to get back up again...and back to Plan B ASAP.

On this program, we heard from several parents who were just getting the ball rolling on using the Collaborative Problem Solving approach.  The journey is usually bumpy, but they already have some key ingredients working for them: bravery and a willingness to try something new.

Can Reactive Attachment Disorder be understood (and treated) through the lenses of Collaborative Problem Solving? What's the best way to approach a co-parent who's not yet on board with CPS?  What's the best way to approach school staff who aren't on board yet either?

On today's program, we heard from a mom who's just starting to use Plan B (and having pretty good early success), as well as from a mom who's running into more trouble in her early efforts to use Plan B. 

Is spanking a kid ever a good idea? Not if you know why challenging kids are challenging (lagging skills) and are solving the problems (collaboratively) that are giving rise to their challenging episodes!

On today's program, the Parents Panel tackled video games...a very tough unsolved problem. 

That's what the Empathy step is for: really, truly, understanding what's getting in the way for a kid on a specific unsolved problem. Without that information, solving problems is a shot in the dark.

One of the biggest non-starters in the Empathy step of Plan B is trying to talk with a child about his behavior rather than the unsolved problem setting that behavior in motion. And one of our callers is trying to get over that hump.

On today's program, Dr. Greene heard about the efforts of a mom who was struggling to do Plan B with her son...and gave some (hopefully) helpful tips on how to fine-tune the effort (including some of the things mom was thinking that were getting in the way).

Are bullies lacking skills? How about the bullied? If so, then what do they really need from us? The Parents Panel weighs in!