The Fandom Apprentice

Ryn and Sam know absolutely nothing about poetry. Neither of us took a single college-level English course. That will not, of course, stop us from having opinions on Tolkien's poetry and songs. This is what Bilbo Baggins hates. And/or what the Man in the Moon himself came down to listen to. You be the judge!     There is also An Announcement: This Is The End. Of Tolkien comment...

A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not listen? Long have Ryn and Sam, the hosts of this podcast, overanalyzed the Lord of The Rings series. We come to the last of the movies today, so join us as we ride for ruin and the story's ending through discussions of gravity-defying snakes, mutilated tomatoes, the neverending road to cavalry tactics, music, and much more!  Covers The Lord of the Rings:...

We move on to the second film in the trilogy, The Two Towers! Ryn provides more commentary on music, Sam continues to hate Gollum, and we are confused about some story choices! Join us for discussions on tragically cishet immortals, incredibly hot Numenoreans, Shakespearean actors, and Skyrim! Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Listeners of our podcast do!   Covers The Lord of the R...

We finally dive into the movies with an emphasis on our special interests of soundtrack, costume design, and Aragorn! Join us as we ask the big questions: what's a leitmotif? How many hugs are in the movie? And why is Aragorn so hot? Covers The Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Extended Edition) (2001)

We get our appendixes out! That is, we talk about the Lord of the Rings appendices. That's right, there's still more text to read! Join us as we pour over Arwen and Aragorn's romance, family trees, and the Book of Numbers, Tolkien Edition! aka a detailed timeline history of Numenor and the Second and Third Ages of Middle Earth.   Covers Appendices A-F, published at the end of Return of the Ki...

Having reached the end of the books, we take a minute to reflect on this journey and its stages, check in to see if our Definitely Universal Rules Of Fantasy hold up, talk about Sam Gamgee as The Everyman, and dig into our remaining lingering questions! 

All good things must come to an end, a last stage, if you will. Join us as we discuss the very end of Return of the King, prison abolition, authoritarianism, Sam Gamgee's knowledge of buns, hobbit reproduction, and our feelings here at the end of this stage of our wonderful journey!    Covers Return of the King Book VI, Chapter VIII: The Scouring of the Shire (Part B) and Chapter IX: The...

The Hobbits have returned home, but it has not escaped the ravages of time- we finally come to Ryn's favorite chapter in all of Lord of the Rings, The Scouring of the Shire, which definitely has absolutely no relevance to the current political climate, none whatsoever. Anyway, for no reason at all it's a really good time to get to know your neighbors and local communities.     Cover...

Another travel episode! Ryn and Sam talk about their book club, immortality, what Legolas and Gimli get up to in the Glittering Caves of Aglarond, and compulsory heterosexuality! Join us for the last stage of the journey (again)! Covers Return of the King Book VI Chapter VI Many Partings and Chapter VII Homeward Bound

A disclaimer- we recorded this right after the election. So we are slightly... less enthusiastic than usual. If you don't want to hear us talking politics, skip to 0:09:16, but if you want to hear about a long furby and how're we're feeling, give our intro a listen!  Anyway, we talk about the downfall of Mordor, romance, power imbalance in relationships, and surprise Gandalf!  More withi...

Here, at the end of all things, we finish our discussion of The Quest with  who's the top in Frodo and Sam's relationship, the professor's overuse of the phrase "last stage of their journey," volcanology, and our emotional attachment to cookware!    Covers Book VI Chapter III: Mount Doom

We're back! And we're in the darkest stage of our journey and not even the Phial of Galadriel can light our way out of this. Ryn & Sam talk ring corruption, the magic of friendship, orc bureaucracy, and true gay hobbit love! Covers Book VI Chapter I: The Tower of Cirith Ungol & Chapter II: The Land of Shadow If you like what you're hearing, give us a follow wherever you're listening to thi...

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (apparently), and we're celebrating with a special family-friendly (for once) episode! This week we cover the Professor's "Letters from Father Christmas," aka "The Father Christmas Letters" (more on this in the episode)! Join us for a cozy holiday read through some Tolkien family lore! P.S.- The North Polar Bear did nothing wrong. x.6

Happy Thanksgiving to our American listeners and happy last week of November to everyone else! As you prepare your turkeys and gear up for... *ahem* interesting family conversations, know that you have us to keep you company! Topics of discussion include: the Year Without A Summer, mermaid ass, diplomacy, and Sauron's goose getting cooked! Or turkey, depending on the season. Covers Book V Chapter...

CW: Suicide, suicidal ideation Skip ahead to 0:38:45 to avoid discussion of these topics Call the wizard and the fireman- Ryn and Sam return to Minas Tirith where Denethor has succumbed to madness and despair from the palantir, and Pippin must rush to save Faramir from a terrible fate. Tangents include the ethics of physician-assisted suicide, hot gay nurses, and a good bass line. If this episode...

It's our one year anniversary!! A quick thank you and retrospective and also a plea for US folks to get out and vote in the election next week. Anyway thank you for listening to us for a whole year! We look forward to bringing you our queer nerdy takes for a long time to come.  We are very glad you are here with us. Here at the end of all things (but not the end of this podcast!) 

We back up to the "last stage" before the battle to check in on Merry and the Rohirrim and how they make it to the Pelennor Fields! Also discussed: hope, the death of a good king, the death of a bad king, children's hospitals, pterosaurs and other things that fly, and Shakespeare! Send us your best Hobbit band names!   Covers Book V Chapter V: The Ride of the Rohirrim and Book V Chapter VI: T...

Rohan and Gondor prepare for The Horrors of War! Ryn and Sam discuss said Horrors, first aid training, Ryn's extensive trumpet knowledge, peace, Sparta, service, and My Little Pony!  CW: contains discussions of war, suicide, and parental abuse Covers Book V Chapter III: The Muster of Rohan and Book V Chapter IV: The Siege of Gondor

We begin on the last stage of our journey with Return of The King! Points of discussion include Ba Sing Se, Hobbit gender, The Guns of August, accents, and the inevitability and moral neutrality of death! Covers Book V Chapter I: Minas Tirith, and Book V Chapter II: The Passing of the Grey Company

Ryn and Sam take a break from Tolkien to discuss Beowulf and our love for this ancient story- This time: Badgers, poetry, what makes a man, what makes a monster, and what makes a good king! x.5

Ryn and Sam take a break from Tolkien to discuss Beowulf and our love for this ancient story- This time: Samsara, the concept of storytelling, background on Beowulf, politics, what makes us humans, heroes, and monsters, and the translation of the word hwæt! x.4

Ryn and Sam reach the exciting conclusion of The Two Towers! We discuss Extremely Gay Hobbits, Goth Mommy Shelob, Extremely Gay Orcs, and The Importance of The Quest- come along! Covers Book IV Chapter IX: Shelob's Lair and Chapter X: The Choices of Master Samwise

Frodo & Sam continue their trek towards Mordor, and we follow along! Ryn & Sam talk platonic forehead kisses, whether or not Gollum is redeemable, and the purpose of fear and necessity of hope!   Covers Book IV Chapter VII: Journey To The Cross-Roads and Chapter VIII: The Stairs of Cirith Ungol

Ryn + Sam really dive deep with Faramir and his 300 warriors- join us as we discuss the concept of content, squirrels and other rodents of unusual size, voting, and what makes a monarchy legitimate! Covers Book IV Chapter V: The Window on the West & Chapter VI: The Forbidden Pool

Our hobbit friends would really like this journey to be over, but Sauron has other plans- join us as we discuss Gollum's humanity (hobbitiny?), explicit love confessions, and the introduction of the hottest man in all of Lord of the Rings! Covers Book IV Chapter III: The Black Gate Is Closed and Chapter IV: Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit