The Family Lab: Experiments in Parenting and Home Management

Back in August, I recorded an episode called Routine Experimentation, where I talked about several of the experiments I was conducting in my home laboratory with my five little guinea pigs (to switch to another animal analogy). This is actually one of my favorite things about motherhood--troubleshooting problem areas and figuring out creative solutions. I like to play the role of mad scientist. Of...

Outsourcing is a weirdly fraught topic for moms, partly because of cultural expectations of what we should be doing, partly because of gender stereotypes, partly because of whatever our own mothers did, but maybe even more because of the pressure we put on ourselves to do everything and be everything to everyone. Then there's the cost. In this episode we'll talk a bit more about some of the barrie...

With as many kids as I have, and all the reading I do on the topic, you might think I'm somewhat of an expert on raising kids. Yes, I generally know how to keep them alive, clothed, fed, and sheltered, and I keep the family more or less afloat. But one thing that has surprised me the most about parenting is how many skills are not transferrable from one kid to the next. If they were, we'd only nee...

In this episode we'll talk about many different ways to approach mornings, from moms in all sorts of different situations, moms with little kids and moms with teenagers, moms who home school and moms who send their kids to school, moms with different work situations, moms who love mornings and moms who hate them. As usual, you can access the full transcript at howshemoms.com . Links: The Lazy Geni...

I have so many great stories to share with you in this podcast episode, from five different mothers who serve their community and the world in beautiful ways. I truly believe that being a mom is specialized training in how to identify and serve the needs of others—a skillset we can then take into our communities and the world, when the time is right.  Here are some links I mention in this episode:...

Christmas is coming--portly goose and all--whether that fills you with glee or stress. Today we're going to dig into this dichotomy, and hopefully get rid of any dread. Christmas should be a season of joy and dare I say peace—even for moms. Fear not! You too can enjoy Christmas. Resources mentioned in this episode: Audibletrial.com/howshemoms Ceri Payne coaching Family Looking Up Podcast The Mom H...

This week, we're talking about how moms serve. I did not have to look very far to find amazing examples of mothers serving one another, their families, their communities, and the world. In fact, most of the stories come just from my own neighborhood. I could do a podcast episode on this topic every week and never run out of amazing stories to share. In fact, I found so many great ideas that I'm go...

Donna is a mother of six, a grandmother of 24—including me—and a great-grandmother of 29. She's also a dancer, a storyteller, and a poet. She's delightful and hilarious and quite spicy—I even had to censor her to keep my clean rating—and she gave such interesting insights into what motherhood used to be like that I just had to share her with you. Perhaps the most interesting insight came when I as...

I found out I was going to be a mom in a very dramatic way. I was 25 years old. My eggs had been retrieved, fertilized, frozen, and implanted in our first round of in-vitro fertilization. Then we got the call to let us know that it was unsuccessful. We were sad, but after four years of monthly disappointments, we knew how to play this game. We put our Pollyanna faces on—at least we still had 11 em...

Angela has loved to read since she was a little girl, and she brought that passion into her own home--she has five children who all love to read. In turn, she and her family are bringing that love of reading to people all over the world, as they volunteer for a non-profit organization called Village Book Builders. This August, she went with daughter and son-in-law to Malawi Africa to help finish a...

In this episode, How She Reads, we'll talk about how moms read to their kids, how they fit in some reading time for themselves, and how they create a culture of reading in their homes. There's plenty of evidence that reading is good for our brains—and for our kids' brains. We know that reading to our kids improves their own reading skills and helps them with other academic subjects too. The import...

I love a good parenting controversy. And the topic of how (or if) to give kids money is a big one. There are two main sides to this debate: allowance vs. commission. In the allowance model, kids are paid a set weekly or monthly rate, independent of chores or other qualifications. The second approach is a commission system, a work-for-pay system wherein kids are paid for doing chores and making oth...

Links:  How Maria Teaches Kids to Work (Howshemoms.com) How Nichole Builds Family Relationships (Howshemoms.com) Teaching Your Children Responsibility by Linda and Richard Eyre How To Teach Your Kids to Do Chores without Resenting It (npr.org) The Anthropology of Childhood by David F. Lancy The Truth About Employee Engagement by Patrick Lencioni 3 Battles You Can Let Your Child Win (Episode 27, 3...

I like to think of my house as my laboratory, And one of one of my favorite places to experiment is with daily routines—in the morning, after school, and bedtime. They're self-contained periods of time in which specific things have to happen, but there are endless variations of how those things can happen.  If one part of our day is particularly dysfunctional (and there's always something), I anal...

In episode 11, we talked about how to teach kids to clean. But knowing how to clean is a very different skill from knowing how to keep a house tidy. My kids can scrub a toilet, but they have no idea where they put their shoes and socks.  In this episode, we're going to talk about how to teach our kids to be tidy. In the first half we'll unpack the concept of tidiness a bit. Tidiness, and its count...

It's sometimes easier to think of things you love about motherhood when you're looking backwards or forward, thinking about what you miss from past stages, or what you look forward to in future stages. So I asked my Instagram readers what they loved and I came up with my own list. Then I asked my mother and mother-in-law for their lists. This was actually the best part about writing this post, and...

Teaching children to clean is a daunting task, whether we have one child or 13. In this episode we talk about how to teach kids to clean, with an emphasis on what jobs different moms expect their children to do, how they train their children to do these jobs, and what systems they use, including Emily's system. Links mentioned in this episode Why My Kids Don't Have Chores Why I Don't Make My Kids...

Solitude is a precious commodity for moms, especially when the kids are little. Sometimes entire weeks go by without a minute alone. This is the time of life when going grocery shopping alone or even going to the dentist can feel like a big vacation. Yet setting aside some time and space for yourself is an important way to recharge and help you feel like a real person. Over the years, I've figured...

Traveling when you have kids takes patience, planning, and creativity—even if you're leaving them home—but it can be done! And, usually, it's worth all the pain. In this episode, we talk about family travel strategy, packing, flying with kids, road trips with kids, and more.  Here are links to some great blogs and podcasts that I mention in this episode:  Podcasts Extraordinary Moms Podcast: "Tips...

A Mother's Day tribute to my funny mom. She shares some great stories!

Every mom is a career mom. Some moms have another career on top of their mom gig, but it doesn't diminish the fact that this is a long-term, strategic career. It's a challenging career, but the perks put health plans and 401Ks to shame—the first smiles and giggles, that indescribable feeling of having your baby fall asleep in your arms. And that newborn smell…. Then there's the first joke they tel...

Links to podcasts mentioned in this episode: 3 in 30 Podcast, episode 16: "How to Be the Mom You Are Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be" The Women With Fire, episode 51: "Jamie Cook of Wander and Scout"   One Mother's Day, Lori Brescia's kids came home from church with questionnaires they had filled out about her. Under "Favorite Food," they had answered "hot dogs," "pizza," "macaroni and...

Entitlement is a first-world problem. And it's an embarrassing problem to admit, because it sounds like we're whining about our good fortune: "It's just so hard to raise kids when we have enough money to buy them things...." But just because we're embarrassed that we spoil our children doesn't mean we should ignore the fact nor let it persist. This month I went on a quest for an antidote to the ra...

Learning how to manage money wisely is one of those lessons that has to be learned from experience, and watching our kids make money mistakes can be painful. This episode discusses brilliant examples of how moms are teaching their kids about money, from establishing family economic systems to setting up bank accounts, to having kids help manage family finances. Here are some links to additional re...

Connecting with our kids is the big "why" of motherhood—the payoff for all the hard work and sacrifice. Sometimes it comes naturally and easy, sometimes it's more complicated, and sometimes it's unspeakably hard. But even then, we keep trying, because that's what moms do. In this episode, I share ideas about how moms connect with their kids, organized into eight main ideas: 1. Plan Connection Oppo...