The Family Archives

You may love our show, but don't clap. It upsets us. Also don't get a late term abortion or rape anyone. Those upset us even more than clapping. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Say goodbye to sitting down in Disney World, but hello to...we'll get back to you when something positive happens. Costaki's always a good time, but we're at the point where we take him for granted. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Justin Timberlake was in town and women of all ages wanted to go. Men not as much. Plus now that it's October it's time to get spooky with Hotel Transylvania (2012) (good) and Out of the Dark (1989) (not good). And we still hate The Nun. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.c...

These clips are guaranteed to never tie or lose, so at least we have that. Clips Featuring: Mary McNear, Jon Dore, Bill Dwyer, Godfrey See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you aren't Minnesotan, you might not know about apple orchards. It's the kind of thing that sounds stupid until you do it. Kind of like thick accents or going to high school. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On this episode of Shy's Bizarre Life, we learn that she was a champion boxer in New Jersey. We also talk about other things but they feel less important by comparison. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Remember the good old days when you could kill dozens if not hundreds of people and nobody would ever find out? Would that we could return to such simpler times. Jeff might not agree. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We've got Laurel and Hardy, we've got shattered toes, we've got Jeopardy, and then like five more topics. There's a lot to talk about today. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you're a kid, we have two things to say.  First, stop listening to our show.  It's inappropriate.  Second, don't message Momo, even if your friends tell you to.  Also if you happen to know Tommy Wiseau, tell him to give us a call. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/a...

Exciting news: we have a new Keurig. Also exciting news: segregation has been abolished. The latter might not technically be news any more. Still, it's something we talk about today so it counts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever been to Butternut, MN? Probably not, because it doesn't exist. Unless you count one of the three lakes with that name. While the town may not be real, it's real in Mary's books, and apparently she's done her research into how Minnesotans are. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Vis...

We've been talking about The Nun for a while now, and Tom finally saw it. Surprise, he hated it. Then again, so did Kristyn. It's still better than fleeing gang violence at Valley Fair, but you know. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It might be time to reconsider how easy it is to turn food stamps into cash when people start buying drugs and private dancers with them. Wait, this just in: a private dancer has been flagged for putting her whole body weight against a client. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastcho...

Remember land lines? Remember cable TV? Remember the original version of A Star is Born? Maybe not that last one. But we remember everything, including movies we watched recently. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

These clips are packing up the shorts and lawn chairs, and are getting ready to hibernate in the warmth of The Best Of. Clips Featuring: Spencer Dobson, London Brown, Brandon Lewis, and Steve Byrne See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Just after talking about South Dakota for an hour, we have a comedian from North Dakota in. What are the odds? According to the world almanac, 2%. I guess that's not so bad. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you know that Shy hasn't eaten in two years? Well, something like that. We're getting a Hy-Vee soon though, so that might change things. Interesting, I know. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A lot of people believe that Europe is a paradise of equality, but they're having the same problems as we are. Katherine may or may not have known this when she left the US. She certainly knows about it now, because she's written a book around the topic, Nowhere Boy. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad c...

God and country have gone together for centuries, especially since "country" started also being a form of music. The latter association is thanks to people like Julie, whose singing career is a literal answered prayer. Apparently Tom and Kathryn have been praying for a new Thai restaurant because they're equally enthusiastic. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/...

Today, coincidentally, we're talking about two related topics: drugs and big cities. Cities (mostly) suck. Drugs are certainly a reason, though far from the only one. Opiates are the best pain-killer we have, but they're also addictive. If anyone listening knows of a better option you stand to make a couple billion dollars. Just saying. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omny...

If you have polycystic ovaries, you may have polycystic ovary syndrome. But you also might not. Also if you have PCOS you might not have polycystic ovaries. It's a nebulous disorder. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Vietnam war is perhaps most famous for its ability to impart a thousand yard stare to anyone who fought in it. Or perhaps for the fact that almost nobody wanted to fight it, even those in the military. Brian explains why it happened anyway. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastch...

We're looking for a new, more humane execution method. By "we", I mean an owner of some lobster shack. Some might say they're lobsters so who cares, but some of them could have PTSD so we have to be sensitive. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Vikings made a lot of gamblers unhappy yesterday, which makes Costaki very happy. The Vikings' performance, not the gambler thing. Though we have seen no evidence that Costaki isn't a bookie. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tom's taking another risk by backing a political candidate, but really, how much worse can things get? Either way he's from the north side so he gets a pass. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices