The Family Archives

Tis the night before Christmas break, and only one person seems particularly excited.  Especially strange is that it's the guy who's usually never excited about anything.  No, not that one.  The one who comes in on Fridays.  The rest of us are too busy worrying about the decline of certain media over the course of several decades. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio...

In keeping with tradition, today's Car Selling Secrets is mostly about anything except cars.  We've got comedy, parenting, the evolution of the cell phone.  We even touch on electric cars only to instead delve into the politics thereof rather than the car itself.  We do talk about cars somewhat.  Especially old cars with some very questionable design choices. See omnystudio.com/listener for privac...

There's no shortage of breweries.  It's just a fact.  The thing about almost all of them is that they're the exact same.  Waldmann, not so much.  160 year old name, 160 year old building, old European feel.  You either like loud warehouses or you like cozy houses.  If you're the latter, you'll appreciate Waldmann Brewery. More info--> waldmannbrewery.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy inf...

There are two types of people that come into your house while you're asleep.  The first is Santa.  The second is serial killers.  Both are greatly exaggerated.  The Criminal Minds-style idea of someone going from house to house murdering its inhabitants almost never happens, and it's common knowledge at this point that Santa spends at most a couple seconds in each house.  The closest you'll ever g...

Drugs are bad.  We have someone in studio who can give you very detailed accounts of why each drug is bad.  No, it's not Adrian.  He's glad the topic came up though, because after today he feels like he dodged about 400 bullets.  We all do. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoice...

The future is near.  We'll know we're there for sure when audience members can heckle comedians from their own homes through VR.  Some say that's the day comedy dies.  Actually most say that.  Not all, but most. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The 80s was a long time ago, at least in cultural terms.  Billy Crystal dressed up like Sammy Davis Jr., people dressed up like cats, and grooms knocked people out at weddings.  Actually, maybe things haven't changed that much. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoic...

A hallmark of the modern polymath is the ability to keep learning, no matter your age.  Well today Tom is a polymath, because he learned something he didn't want to know.  And you can't even make a comment about men not knowing about "women's issues" because Costaki knew all about it.  That's one of the joys of married life. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/l...

We live in a classy world.  The media destroys lives for profit.  That's classy.  People drink so much their legs die.  Also classy.  And to cap it all off, some people spend nearly an entire hour talking about sexual innuendo on a podcast.  Those people will remain unnamed. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about y...

It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July! Clips Featuring: Jessica Kirson, Kowalski's, Kevin Bozeman See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we became officially certified in hermeneutics.  That is to say, we passed a quiz designed for 3rd graders who are growing up Christian.  It doesn't seem like much, but we felt the need to demonstrate that we're good at something after Tirecarver showed up our confectionery skills by bringing in about 500 pounds of home-made caramel. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See o...

A lot of people feel less happy during the winter months.  They say it has something to do with sunlight or vitamin D, but we have another theory: driving in traffic in the snow is horrible and will ruin your day every day.  Jessica's show is well after rush hour, so you have no reason not to go see it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy in...

It's a million below freezing, and you know what that means: your tires are low.  Don't make the mistake of filling them up over and over, only to have to let air out when it warms up.  There's a space-age gas called nitrogen that Walser can hook you up with that'll take care of that.  It'll even reduce wear on your tires should you decide to go over a hundred miles per hour.  Disclaimer: Walser d...

No, there isn't a grocery store in studio.  There is, however, a bunch of people who keep it running.  We even got the CEO, Kris.  She's enjoying having an hour of free time before the entire population of America simultaneously needs an "emergency" fully prepped meal for 20.  It's a labor of love. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy informa...

Life is a four letter word.  Football is two four letter words.  Does that make it twice as good or twice as bad?  Dr. Levy can weigh in on the pros and cons of being born as a human and Costaki has football covered.  Perhaps a debate is in order. LIFE IS A 4 LETTER WORD: Laughing and Learning Through 40 Life LessonsBook- amzn.to/2E2SGOG See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omn...

It's pretty much a mathematical fact that the further from the average you are, the harder the little things become.  Buying clothes would be a notable example.  Living on a farm is also difficult and certainly not average.  That's self inflicted though, so it doesn't count. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about y...

You've heard the carol of the bells, now see Carol of the Bells, featuring Carol.  Of the bells.  It's a movie.  The Great Christmas Light Fight is not a movie, but it's still something you can see, and it's exactly what it sounds like.  Some people get really into Christmas lights. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more...

Millions of Americans live in poverty.  Millions more are dealing with terminal illness.  And if that wasn't enough, a couple thousand of people, all who coincidentally live on the west coast, are struggling with their children not being as woke as them.  It's no wonder that 90% of the "news" focuses on that last group.  Because what's death and famine compared to someone misgendering an infant wh...

The midwest has a lot of stereotypes, much like any area.  The drinking stereotype in particular is one we can't deny.  Or can we?  It turns out it's not so much the midwest as a very specific area within the region.  If you live there, you probably already know who we're talking about. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn...

Did you know there was a Playmobil movie?  Neither did we.  Neither did the rest of the country.  Our western European audience will probably be surprised.  Maybe not that surprised, given how Frozen II is dominating the box office so thoroughly it borders on a war crime. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your...

Might as well call start calling these clips America's team because they do a better job at it. Featuring: Sean Patton, Jackie Fabulous, Sheila Weller, Theo Von See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every so often, we happen to get two comedians who know each other in the same room at the same time.  It tends to go pretty well.  Today is no exception.  All we need now is some good pizza and we've taken care of everything a human needs to thrive.  Well, "thrive" might not be the word for what pizza does to you, but it tastes good so who cares? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy informatio...

What's in a name?  If you're a performer, a lot.  Hence Jackie changing her last name to Fabulous.  We know something about name changes.  We were going to change it again, but our copyright lawyers advised us against becoming The Fabulous Family. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcas...

Almost everyone had a first car, at least in America where 50 miles away is "close".  And almost everyone north of the equator who ever had a car has skidded on ice.  It's a lesson you have to learn by doing, but there are some things you can keep in mind to make your first (or thirtieth) skid slightly less damaging.  Doug knows all of them.  He majored in it.  Maybe. See omnystudio.com/listener f...

The new Diesel Brothers season starts this Monday at 7 PM central on Discovery.  This may present a problem for you, because that means between then and the end of this show at 1 you'll have nothing to watch.  Never fear, because you can always go as far back as you want to the days when this show had the first of its three names. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio...