The Family Archives

The Suicide Squad sounds like a pretty bad squad to be in, but it's actually not.  Provided you have galaxy-class combat skills, of course.  Mongal, daughter of Mongul, is from a planet called "Warworld", so she's pretty much a shoo-in.  She's also pretty strong in real life, especially when she takes out her twin gauntlet blades.  They make it pretty hard to get on an airplane though. See Mayling...

America has always, for some reason, had the best swimmers in the world.  We also have the best crab in the world.  Coincidence?  Probably.  Although if you want crab enough you might be willing to go get them at the source, miles off the coast in rough waters.  So we're going to attribute the good swimming to a strong desire for fresh crab.  The US is also one of the top countries for gout, which...

What made them this way?  What keeps us fascinated?  This is the story of one of countless serial killers throughout history.  No matter how many times it happens, the very mention of the term "serial killer" seems to enthrall the public.  This is less true of molesters, the public opinion of whom is generally to just lock them up forever and forget they ever existed.  If you couldn't tell, this i...

Participation is at an all time low.  Participation in what?  Everything.  School, mainstream media viewership, box office draws, even the Olympics.  It seems like a wave of ennui has gripped America.  There is only one thing immune to it: Paw Patrol.  You've heard of it, because everyone has heard of it.  And once the movie comes out you'll be hearing about it even more.  Why not, right?  It's be...

Get out your blender, because we're making a gunpowder milkshake.  Actually, don't do that.  We can't guarantee it won't explode.  We can't guarantee your TV won't explode either, but the odds are low enough to make the risk worth it.  Well, maybe.  Most TV actually sucks pretty bad.  We do have a couple ideas for something to watch though.  The Olympics is not one of them.  Except gymnastics and...

Quick Snaps is back!  Wait, we've just been informed that it never left.  It's been going this whole time.  Who knew?  Regardless, football is more or less back, which lends an air of legitimacy to Quick Snaps.  And that's what comedians care most about.  Legitimacy.  Also wacky names.  It's a subject that transcends culture.  Actually, that's often the problem.  It's difficult to ensure your chil...

It's time to ignite your career.  No, not by going to college.  There are better ways.  The best one is probably to get a job you're actually good at.  Sounds pretty obvious, right?  Well, as it turns out it's actually kind of hard to determine your strengths without outside help.  So figure that out, then get a job.  Or get lucky and happen upon a job you're good at.  That's also a good route.  I...

This week meet Papa Smurf from Survivor Fiji! Its Gary Stritesky. He will tell you what its like to eat a pig nose and how to get on the show. Bonus guest this week is Partybot 4K and Trevor Thompson from the band that thousands of people won't pay to see. BEAT GENERATION.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about yo...

Peter Borne joins us in studio to talk about building the only mobile floating recording studio in the world, the halcyon days of working at KQ, recording commercials with Mick Sterling (who also happens to be in studio).  It's a rollicking conversation that covers boating, music, the importance of faith, and KQRS. He also happens to mention recreating famous cars from the 60's such as the bat mob...

People are too sensitive these days.  That's why you have to insult them.  Jokingly, of course.  If you do it enough, they'll become desensitized and transform into paragons of emotional stability.  That's the theory, anyway.  If you'd like to test that theory, why not head over to harshables.com where you can purchase some joke insults of your own.  It's easier than writing them.  And believe me,...

Everyone and everything is toxic.  You can't even take a simple pill without getting cancer, and don't even think about trying to use social media.  You know what isn't toxic?  Space.  There's literally nothing there.  Well, except for unmitigated solar radiation which will sear your skin.  Just wear layers and you'll be fine.  It's worth it, because in space, no one can hear you scream at other l...

When you think Nexium, what do you think?  If it's the antacid, you're one of the lucky ones, because the alternative is a sex trafficking cult.  You don't want to be familiar with those.  Well, unless you're a double agent, of course.  Jessica started off thinking NXIVM, under the guise of a business success program, would help her succeed.  Once she found out the truth, she got to work.  Today,...

It's often very difficult to understand foreign accents.  Even if you both grew up speaking the same language, the accent alone can make it impossible to communicate.  Even harder is when you're under a conservatorship and have to sign an NDA before you say anything.  That one is significantly rarer, thankfully.  The trick is to not become rich and famous.  It's easier than it sounds. See omnystud...

There's a massive conspiracy afoot.  It's a conspiracy to make sure everyone is wearing really short shorts.  You've heard of modesty laws.  Right now it only applies to European beach handball, but soon they'll be coming for you if your shorts end too close to your knee.  Probably. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more...

Emotional pain can be worse than physical pain.  For example, being stung by a wasp sucks, but you get over it.  It may take a few days and you may make a podcast out of it, but it heals.  When your team loses, though, sometimes you're scarred for life.  Just ask Costaki.  Or any Minnesotan. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. L...

On The Family, we're always doing the bare minimum.  Wait, let me rephrase that.  Minimalism is good, you see.  Buying less stuff, getting rid of stuff you don't need, being happy with less.  That kind of thing.  As a podcast, our content takes up no space and doesn't actually physically exist, so we're already doing our part.   Love People, Use Things: Because the Opposite Never Works - amzn.to/3...

Today meet Keith, my old producer, who now takes care of 115 dogs a day. He is the owner of Bubbly Paws. https://www.bubblypaws.com/You will also hear some of Moons secrets that he has never told anyone. And he shouldn't tell you either. But he will. Enjoy. Share. Like. Tell your friends. And hide your underwear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for...

We are joined in studio with Walser's Recruiting Director Ryan Moffitt and General Managers Bret Juedes and Andy Swanson. The whole show really is about selling in the Walser system, what's great about it and why you should join the team. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices....

Bobby ain't studdin' ya.  Don't know what that means?  Then you're too young for this episode.  Unfortunately "too young" in this case means under the age of like 70, because the geniuses in the music industry decided to kill off the R&B genre decades ago along with the culture that came with it.  Still, rules are rules.  Septuagenarians and up only.  If your fake mustache is convincing enough we...

Comedy is coming back, and the comedians that dole it out are coming with it.  Only the really good ones though.  It's more of a place of honor that way.  As such, that means Mike has joined the legendary Comedy Pantheon along with Costaki.  It's just those two for now.  Who will be worthy of position number three?  No, seriously, we have no idea. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy informatio...

Mental health is a serious issue.  It has been for thousands of years, although until quite recently it was generally blamed on an excess of sea serpents or whatever.  We've made a lot of progress, but we still have a long way to go.  And not just when it comes to treatment.  Conversation and understanding help a lot, and both of them are severely lacking.  Until today, that is.  It's 40 solid min...

Everyone loves a good burger.  Even vegetarians are eating burgers these days, as long as they're made out of lentils or whatever.  Hey, it's better than it sounds.  The face of the modern burger, however, has changed.  Today we demand more than a slice of cheese.  As such, "plain ol' burger" places are struggling unless they're already so situated that they can't possibly fail.  McDonald's and Bu...

Politicians.  We don't like them.  We especially don't like the ones that threaten to burn down small neighborhoods to coerce them.  No, we're not talking about Rome 2000 years ago or a bad guy in a cartoon.  We're talking about Minnesota last year.  They voted him into office after that, of course.  The current forecast states that the Minnesota Nice stereotype will be soon replaced with Minnesot...

We've discovered the secret to a low stress life.  It's the result of decades of data collection and a supercomputer processing the information using a complex algorithm.  Are you ready?  Here it is: crime is bad.  That may sound strange, but it's the truth.  It turns out that you want to avoid crime and criminals.  Second is football.  Don't look up your team's crap factor.  You'll only be disapp...

Space.  The final frontier.  For aliens, I mean.  Not for us.  We'll be stuck here forever.  That's why the idea of being visited by aliens is so interesting.  It's the last hope most of us have for contact with the rest of the universe.  Of course, depending on who you ask we've had contact for hundreds, maybe thousands of years.  The truth is out there.  And it's also in Martin's book. The Space...