The Fake Philosophers

Mike and Mitch discuss the cocaine found in the White House, Cocaine Bear and other silly movies, the current state of streaming services, the merits of PornHub, what being a millennial actually means and how stereotypes work, unauthentic characters in period pieces, possible issues with comparing people from different time eras, and which politicians they'd want to have a beer with. They fini...

Mitch and Danny begin by discussing how their bodies are changing as they get older and how to deal with it. They then briefly discuss the merits of getting a degree in Philosophy. Mitch then brings up how he wants to know new things but doesn't like to go through the process of learning, and they discuss learning and education. #gettingold #achingbody #bodyaches #badknees #badbacks #gettingol...

(Note: There was a complication recording audio, so the gents were forced to use the raw audio from Zoom) Eddie, Mitch, and Mike begin by discussing the OceanGate submarine sinking. Mitch then introduces a new segment called "America or Africa" in which the guys hear a city's name and guess if its located in America or Africa. They go on to discuss unique/strange city names, also dis...

Mike and Danny begin the discussion by discussing their opinions on Donald Trump being indicted for the second time, leading to a lengthy discussion about the former president. The two philosophers then once again discuss Mike's belief that voting should not be a right. They then debate two separate customer services issues: 1. Customers asking for a drink to be remade that they spilled, and 2...

Is astrology real? Mitch offers a theory as to why it is. He and Danny also discuss if they stand or sit when they pee. #astrology #philosophy #peestance #fuckbudlight #fakephilosophers #hashtag

Mike and Mitch start begin by briefly discussing the death of Tina Turner, may she rest in peace, and documentaries about celebrities both alive and dead. Mitch describes a recent realization that connects Tina Turner to his wedding. Mike then brings up yet another Grocery Gripe where he discusses a new negative experience at the grocery store, and Mitch counters with a Grocery Great where he desc...

Mike and Mitch begin by reflecting on some of the bizarre comments from Facebook on the previous episode "JewSplaining" and compare the success and failures of the last few episodes. Mitch then tells a positive grocery store story, which he calls a Grocery Great. Mitch asks Mike to tell a positive story, and Mike tells a story about a parent who put his kids in check when they were actin...

On a special Mother's Day episode, Danny and Mike begin by discussing how Mike's barber recently gave him a style he did not like, so he took manner into his own hands and now shares another similarity with Danny. They briefly discuss the absurdity of single mothers demanding attention on Father's Day. They go on to discuss a topical conversation: George Santos and his recent indictmen...

Mitch and Mike begin by discussing the age old topic of what animals could humans take in a fist fight, going on to analyze a poll where YouGov asks that very question in regards to specific animals. Also a reminder: Fuck Bud Light and Anheuser Busch. Mitch and Mike go on to discuss the firings of Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson. They also discuss possible replacements for Tucker on Fox News. Mitch c...

Mitch and Mike begin my briefly revisiting the Bud Light controversy. After Mitch giving his take on the issue, they take on the philosophical argument around how you insert silverware in the dishwasher. They debate a few other dishwashing questions along with discussing how they take on the tasks of other household chores. Danny jumps in mid-episode, offering his opinions on the domestic topics....

Danny and Mike discuss the controversy surrounding Bud Light. They also have a brief discussion of cancel culture in general and also discuss child combat. #budlight #fakephilosophers #philosophy #politics #budweiser #anheuserbusch #beer #craftbeer #gooseisland #kidsfighting #bumfights

On our Easter episode, Mitch and Danny begin by discussing Good Friday. They move on to discuss the attack on possible decline of the US dollar, and eventually they discuss the topic of the week: Trump's arraignment. #easter #goodfriday #philosophy #freedom #politics #Trump #TrumpArrest #China #Brazil #TrumpArraignment

On this week's episode, Mitch and Danny begin by discussing "The Mandalorian" and "Ted Lasso." They then move into current events, taking a deep dive into the recent school shooting in Nashville. After a lengthy discussion about the different layers of gun control, they discuss the pros and cons of the chaos we call the internet. They also discuss the lack of critical think...

Mitch and Mike begin by briefly discussing their thoughts on Saint Patrick's Day and how they've celebrated the holiday. This leads them to discussing how they feel about their favorite breweries finding success at the expense of personal convenience. Mike then tells the story of a recent drinking experience that went south. After a lengthy story, the two begin discussing the merits of the...

Mitch discusses getting drunk with coworkers at a work function. Mike once again brings up a Grocery Gripe, bitching again about a woman who blatantly disrespects the Express Lane rules. Mitch then brings up the concept of certain societal rules that have no repercussions or consequences if you violate them, including certain unspoken driving guidelines. Mitch brings up a study that states that yo...

Mike begins by telling a quick story of a like-minded stranger and grocery carts. He and Mitch then have an in-depth conversation about the Super Bowl halftime shows and how they've become generally very overrated, and they share ideas for alternative ideas for halftime shows that could be better. They then discuss alleged "wokeness" at the Super Bowl and related topics. Mitch then brings up a pol...

Danny, returning by popular demand, joins Mitch and Mike on this week's episode. Mike pushes through being sick as the trio discusses the Chinese balloon and Madonna.  The trio goes on to discuss the main topic of the week: Potential strategies for surviving a zombie apocalypse. #zombie #worldwarz #madonna #philosophy #fakephilosophers #chineseballoon #balloon #chinese #apocalypse

Mike and Mitch start by discussing why some people let trivial things ruin their otherwise good day, Mike particularly providing some examples that he's observed. This transitions to the guys discussing the concept of bar regulars becoming territorial and/or continuing to patronize an establishment knowing they won't have a good time. This turns into a conversation about men being very irrational...

After a brief discussion about Andy Samberg, Mike and Mitch dive into the movie World War Z. They go on to have a general discussion about the goods and bads of zombie movies. #zombies #worldwarz #philosophy #fakephilosophers #andysamberg #dawnofthedead #zombie #bradpitt #shaunofthedead #paul #paulmovie #hashtag

Mitch and Mike begin the conversation by weighing in on the hotly debated topic presented by Barstool Sports: In a Hunger Games style throwdown, who would win between the four leads from the show "Seinfeld" and the four leads from the show "The Office." This leads them to discuss why certain sitcoms were popular, and the conversation evolves to them giving credit to great actors. Mike then gives a...

Mike starts off by discussing a limited series he recently binged called "Don't Pick Up The Phone." While describing the show's content, he and Mitch begin discussing true crime podcasts/documentaries and the things they love and hate about them. They also discuss the relationship struggles of being restricted to watching movies and TV shows with your significant other.  #truecrime #truecrime...

Mike and Mitch discuss how they spent their Christmas. They then move on to a deeper discussion about a recent viral video taken at a Wafflehouse, and from there the conversation evolves into a deeper discussion about entitlement. 

All four of our fake philosophers come together to bring you our Christmas episode. The guys talk about Christmas miracles, Hallmark movies, jeans with a tie, grocery store miracles, shooting fish in a barrel, and Christmas traditions.

Mitch and Mike begin by discussing improving the express lane at the grocery store. Mike pivots the conversation to rip on the ridiculous lyrics of a popular song. Mitch then brings up the main topic of the episode: Cyber bullying.

Mitch, Danny, and Mike begin by discussing the strange power outage situation in North Carolina. They then briefly discuss a recent headline of a woman who tattooed her eyes different colors. Moving on, they discuss the recent prisoner exchange regarding Brittney Griner for Viktor Bout while Paul Whelan still sits in a Russian penal colony. The trio then discuss the mindset around voting for Hersc...