The Covert Narcissism Podcast

What if you said yes — but didn’t feel free to say no? In this powerful and necessary episode, we’re confronting the hidden reality of sexual coercion and assault within marriage , especially when the partner is a covert narcissist . From guilt-laced manipulation to emotional punishment and silent withdrawal, we explore how control can show up quietly — and why consent isn’t real if it’s not freel...

Welcome to Part Two of Things My Therapist Said That Deserve to Be on T-Shirts . We’re continuing the conversation with five more transformative truths that cut through confusion, emotional manipulation , and internalized blame—especially for anyone navigating covert narcissistic abuse . These one-liners don’t just help you name what’s been happening—they help you stop second-guessing yourself and...

Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs in healing from covert narcissistic abuse come from just one sentence—something so simple, so true, it rewires your entire nervous system. In this part one episode, I’m sharing five powerful one-liners my therapist said that helped me finally recognize the emotional abuse I had been living through—and start the real work of healing. We talk about what it means t...

Covert narcissism sends you spinning into cognitive dissonance circles! But your brain and your gut were never supposed to be enemies. They're both trying to protect you—just in different ways. Healing begins when they stop arguing and start working together, guiding you out of the confusion and back into clarity. Key Takeaways: Covert abuse hijacks your logic and intuition. Your gut has always kn...

In this part two conversation, Renee Swanson and Jerry Wise delve into the complexities of covert narcissism, exploring the impact of guilt in relationships with narcissistic individuals. They discuss the importance of self-focus and reframing one's internal environment to foster healing and personal growth. The dialogue emphasizes that it is never too late to reclaim oneself and that closure come...

In this part one of two conversation, Renee Swanson and Jerry Wise delve into the complexities of narcissism and the concept of self-differentiation. Jerry shares his extensive experience in family systems therapy and explains how self-differentiation allows individuals to grow into their true selves without absorbing the toxicity of others. They discuss the loss of self often experienced by those...

What happens when the fairy tale was never a fairy tale to begin with? In this powerful episode, Renee Swanson is joined by Andrea, the candid and courageous voice behind the hit podcast How Not to Suck at Divorce . Andrea doesn’t just share her story—she lays it all out. The red flags she ignored. The justifications she clung to. The slow unraveling of her identity. The physical collapse that fin...

In this episode, we’re diving into the conversations I wish I could have had with the covert narcissist in my life. The words I rehearsed but never said. The truths I buried for the sake of “keeping the peace.” The sarcasm I bit back. The boundaries I swallowed. All of it. Because sometimes, the only way to make sense of the madness that is covert narcissistic abuse is to talk it out —even if it’s...

At the end of every episode, I say, “I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.” But today, I want to pause and really talk about what that journey actually looks like—because healing from covert narcissistic abuse isn’t what most people think. When I first left, I believed healing meant I’d wake up one day and magically stop hurting. I thought it meant I’d feel strong and peaceful all t...

In this raw and emotional episode, we’re diving deep into one of the most devastating dynamics in families with a covert narcissist: when the parent doing all the emotional labor is unseen, while the other parent gets all the praise. We unpack the covert narcissist’s relentless need for supply and scapegoats—and how this manipulative cycle plays out not just with their partner, but with their chil...

I often get asked: •Why did this happen to me? •How did I get here? •How do I prevent it from ever happening again? •How do I heal from this? These are excellent questions and they are very related to each other. Why did this happen to me has a whole lot to do with how do I prevent it from ever happening again. How did I get here is tied closely with how do I heal from this. You need to know about...

Not all bruises are visible—and some of the deepest ones live in the hearts of our children. In this powerful episode, we talk about the unseen wounds of emotional abuse, especially when you're parenting alongside a covert narcissist. What happens when the world only believes abuse if they can see it? What happens to the children growing up in that invisible war zone? If you’ve ever felt dismissed...

What a privilege it is to introduce to you Debbie Mirza! She is best-selling author of the book "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist," one of the first books I ever read that opened my eyes to the nightmare that I was living. This book is an amazing resource for gaining awareness and understanding of covert narcissism. Her second book "Worthy of Love' presents a gentle and rest...

Have you ever tried to Grey Rock a covert narcissist—only to watch it completely blow up in your face? You stayed neutral, kept your answers short, and avoided reacting… but somehow, things escalated anyway . In this episode, we dive deep into why Grey Rocking often backfires with a covert narcissist , and how to use it in a smarter, safer, and more strategic way. You'll learn how covert narcissis...

Is a peaceful divorce possible when dealing with a covert narcissist? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with high-conflict divorce coach Eleanor Marks to unpack the complexities of separation from a covert narcissist. We dive into the concept of radical acceptance—understanding the reality of your situation and adjusting your expectations accordingly. If you're navigating a high-conflict div...

Imagine being pushed, prodded, and ignored—until you finally snap. Then suddenly, you’re the problem. Sound familiar? In this episode, we’re diving deep into reactive abuse —one of the most insidious tactics covert narcissists use to flip the script and make survivors question their reality. I’ll share real-life stories—both from childhood and marriage—illustrating how this pattern plays out, how...

In this powerful Part Two of the two-part series with Dr. Anthony Mazzella and Renee Swanson, we shift perspectives. In part one, we discussed the adult child uncovering a covert narcissistic parent, and this is featured on The Narcissism Decoder . Now we shift to the parent who realizes their adult child exhibits covert narcissistic behaviors. Dr. Mazzella, a seasoned psychotherapist and psychoan...

In this episode, Renee Swanson discusses the challenges of dealing with circular conversations with covert narcissists. She explains how these conversations can trap individuals in a cycle of emotional manipulation and coercive control. Renee provides strategies for disengaging from these conversations, setting boundaries, and reclaiming personal space and power. She emphasizes the importance of r...

What happens when the very dynamics that shaped your childhood follow you into adulthood—into your marriage, friendships, and even your career? In this episode, Mindy shares her eye-opening realization that she married a version of her narcissistic mother and how her upbringing with both a covert narcissistic mom and an abusive father left her trapped in cycles of self-doubt, hypervigilance, and s...

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling drained, confused, or even doubting yourself? Do you feel like every attempt at connection turns into an argument, a guilt trip, or complete silence? You’re not alone. Talking to a covert narcissist isn’t like talking to anyone else. Simple, everyday questions— What do you want for dinner? How was your day? —can be met with sighs, irritation, o...

What happens when a father’s love comes with invisible strings? In this episode, I dive into the hidden dynamics of covert narcissistic fathers —the ones who never yell, never hit, but control through silent treatment, guilt, and quiet punishment . If you grew up feeling like your worth was tied to achievements, if you feared disappointing a parent who never truly accepted you, this episode is for...

In this eye-opening episode, we dive deep into the painful reality behind “kind” gestures that aren’t kind at all. When a homemade cheesecake or a perfectly crafted cup of coffee is offered by someone who’s spent years neglecting your needs, it can feel like a calculated move—a manipulation tactic meant to keep you tethered to your old wounds. Through raw storytelling and a “Choose Your Own Advent...

Many of us have been taught to focus on the good —to think about whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable and to not judge. These are not bad lessons to live by, but do they apply to our spouse in a toxic relationship ? Or are we unintentionally ignoring red flags in covert narcissistic abuse ? In this episode, we explore: 🔹 How focusing only on the good enables covert narcissi...

Have you ever felt like your reality was rewritten right before your eyes? Covert narcissists are experts at controlling the narrative , erasing your perspective, dismissing your feelings, manipulating reality, and shaping how others see you. This is a key tactic in covert narcissistic abuse , leaving victims feeling unheard, invalidated, and questioning their own sanity. In this episode, we break...

Have you ever tried to figure out someone’s true intentions? Have you been suspicious of the intentions behind one’s behaviors? Have you ever asked yourself, Yeah but what do they really want? Covert narcissists hide their true intentions. You can feel this when you talk with them. Something just doesn’t feel quite right. It doesn’t feel genuine. Everything they do and say has a hidden agenda. Wha...