The Covert Narcissism Podcast

There is often a moment in covert narcissistic relationships when something finally shifts. The confusion begins to clear, the patterns start to make sense, and you realize that what you’ve been experiencing has a name. But that moment rarely comes all at once. In this Community Chat, Renee is joined by Jenny, who shares her experience of what it looked like when things finally clicked for her aft...

Episode Notes This episode is part two of a special bonus series I’m sharing from another podcast that I think many of you will deeply connect with. The show is called Shit That Goes On in Our Heads , hosted by G-Rex and Dirty Skittles. It’s raw, honest, and unfiltered—centered around real conversations on mental health, trauma, healing, and what it actually looks like to do this work in real life...

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?” after being in a covert narcissistic relationship, you are not alone. The truth is, you didn’t miss the signs—your body was recognizing them long before your mind could make sense of what was happening. In this episode, we break down the confusing experience of cognitive dissonance in covert narcissistic abuse —why your body felt anxious...

In this episode, we explore a subtle but deeply damaging communication pattern often seen in covert narcissism—when connection turns into correction. What starts as a normal, everyday conversation can quickly shift into scrutiny, where your words are picked apart, your intent is questioned, and the heart of what you’re trying to say gets lost. This pattern, often experienced as constantly being co...

If you struggle with codependency, covert narcissism, or feeling stuck in one-sided relationships , this episode will help you understand why. If you’ve ever felt like your value came from taking care of everyone else—even when it was costing you your peace, your energy, and your sense of self—this conversation is going to feel very familiar. In this special bonus episode, I’m sharing a powerful c...

What if leaving the relationship doesn’t mean you’re free? In this episode, we continue The Vampire Effect series and explore what happens after prolonged exposure to covert narcissistic abuse—when you feel numb, disconnected, and like something inside of you has changed. Many survivors describe feeling “dead inside,” questioning who they are, and wondering if they’ve lost themselves completely. U...

What if covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t feel like an attack… but like a slow drain? In this episode, we explore The Vampire Effect —a powerful metaphor that reveals how covert narcissists gradually consume your energy, clarity, and sense of self without you even realizing it. Through the lens of Dracula, you’ll begin to see how manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional exhaustion create a dynamic...

Why do you still miss someone who hurt you? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, this question can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful. You can see the manipulation, the gaslighting, and the emotional abuse clearly—so why does part of you still feel pulled back? In this episode, we explore why healing from covert narcissistic abuse feels so confusing and what’s actually happ...

If you’re trying to heal from covert narcissistic abuse but feel unsure about your next step, this episode will meet you where you are. In part 2   of this CNG C ommunity C hat, we explore what it looks like to move forward without rushing a life- changing decision. This conversation dives into the deeper layers of recovery, including guilt, responsibility, and the impact on children. We also talk...

Why do you still miss them… even after everything you’ve been through? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, you may find yourself stuck in an internal battle—one part of you sees the truth clearly, while another part still longs for connection, hope, or what you thought the relationship was. This emotional conflict can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful. In this episode, we...

If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, overwhelming, or emotionally draining, you may be wondering if you’re dealing with covert narcissism— and whether you should stay or leave. In this part one of the CNG Community Chat , we explore why that decision can feel so difficult and why you don’t have to rush it. Through a real community conversation, we talk about the emotional toll of cove...

Last week’s episode explored why covert narcissism appears to be thriving in today’s culture and the conditions that allow these behaviors to remain hidden. In this follow- up episode, we bring the conversation closer to everyday life. If covert narcissistic dynamics can hide so easily in our culture, how do you begin recognizing them in your own interactions? In this episode, Renee Swanson shares...

In relationships with a covert narcissist, control doesn’t always appear as obvious demands. Instead, it often shows up through a confusing set of small, unwritten "rules" that quietly shape everyday life. The problems come not from preferences. We all have preferences. But with a covert narcissist, these are rules with punishments. In this episode, Renee shares real responses from her CNG Faceboo...

Is narcissism actually increasing, or are we simply becoming more aware of it? The truth is that narcissistic traits have always existed throughout history. What changes over time is the environment those traits grow in. In this episode, we explore why covert narcissism seems to be thriving in today’s culture and why these behaviors can be so difficult to recognize. Unlike overt narcissism, which...

In Part 2 of this community chat, we move from confusion to clarity. After years—sometimes decades—of minimizing behavior and blaming themselves, these women share what finally shifted. What happens when you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What’s really happening here?” We talk about: The slow accumulation that leads to clarity Questioning their behavior instead of your own...

If you are living with covert narcissism in your marriage and starting to notice changes in your children — depression, anxiety, slipping grades, withdrawal, golden child or scapegoat dynamics — this episode is for you. In this episode, we explore how covert narcissism affects children , including the subtle but powerful ways kids adapt to emotional unpredictability inside the home. When one child...

Why is it so difficult to recognize covert narcissistic abuse when you’re living inside it? In Part 1 of this community chat, Olivia, Cindy, and Shannon share why they couldn’t call their relationships abusive for years—even decades. When emotional abuse is subtle, mixed with good moments, public charm, and messages like “marriage is just hard,” the confusion runs deep. We talk about: Growing up w...

If you feel “too emotional,” hypersensitive, or unstable in your relationship, this episode will help you understand what is really happening. Today we are exploring covert narcissism and the nervous system — and why what looks like emotional reactivity is often a biological response to unpredictability, invalidation, and emotional disconnection. In covert narcissistic dynamics, you are often labe...

In Part 2 of this Q&A pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, we continue answering the real, unfiltered questions so many of you are quietly carrying. Why does couples therapy sometimes make things worse? Why won’t they answer even the simplest questions directly? How do you rebuild self-trust after years of gaslighting? And what does radical acceptance actually look like...

In this episode, we break down what subtle gaslighting looks like in covert narcissistic relationships and why it’s so hard to recognize. You’ll learn how emotional manipulation can sound calm, reasonable, and even compassionate—while quietly eroding your self-trust. Not all gaslighting is loud. Sometimes it’s delivered gently. Sometimes it contains just enough truth to make you hesitate. Instead...

In this special Q&A episode pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, I’m answering some of the most honest — and often unspoken — questions about living with and healing from covert narcissistic dynamics. Why do conversations go in circles? Why does couples therapy sometimes make things worse? Why can they be so charming one moment and so hurtful the next? And how do you pro...

If you feel lonely even when you’re not alone, this episode will help you understand why. In The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone , we explore emotional invisibility, the quiet isolation that happens in covert narcissistic relationships, and why being truly seen can feel so rare—and so deeply relieving. Many survivors describe the loneliest place a...

Today’s episode is about covert narcissism and the deep exhaustion that comes from always being the one who tries in the relationship. If you’re living with or recovering from a covert narcissist, you may recognize this immediately: you’re the one who explains, softens, repairs, revisits conversations, manages emotions, and keeps hoping that if you say it just right , things will finally change. I...

Today, we unpack how covert narcissistic dynamics quietly train thoughtful, self-reflective people to carry blame that was never theirs. In this episode, we explore how normal, everyday questions—like asking about errands, timing, or work logistics—can somehow turn into tension, shutdowns, or accusations. Over time, those repeated interactions begin to reshape your inner dialogue, leaving you ques...

What does covert narcissistic abuse look like when it unfolds slowly over decades—without obvious explosions, without outsiders seeing the damage? In this episode, Renee speaks with Shari, who shares her lived experience of spending 42 years in a marriage that gradually became confusing, destabilizing, and emotionally exhausting. Shari reflects on the subtle but devastating dynamics of covert narc...