The Couples Therapist Couch

How is masturbation being used in the couple--as a path of least resistance to avoid confronting sexual/relational issues or as an add-on to an otherwise good shared sex life? How can couples balance the right to self-pleasure against the right to a sexually available partner? Does masturbation use up sexual interest--or kindle it? Does it matter whether external erotic material is used (porn, ero...

One of the most difficult thing we do as couples therapists is to get both members of a couple to feel like we get them and we want what is best for them. In this episode, EFT trainer and supervisor, Ryan Rana, walks us through the process of attuning to a client's deepest pain or attachment dilemma. Once we show them that we "get it," they will be much more hopeful about the work in couples thera...

When couples are unable to communicate because they get emotionally escalated, it is often a result of trauma. Dr. Janina Fisher helps people become aware of these emotions and parts of themselves in a way that they can begin to heal and grow and improve their relationships. Janina Fisher, PhD is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and Instructor at the Trauma Center, an outpatient clinic and researc...

Women are expected to be sexy, but not sexual. We're bombarded with conflicting, shame-inducing, and disempowering messages about sex, instead of being encouraged to connect with our true sexual selves. Sexy  gets reduced to a performance, leaving us with little to no space to reckon with the complexities of sexuality. In a culture intent on telling you who and how to be, standing in  your truth i...

We often have clients who are shut down emotionally and don't understand why. It is difficult for them to access their emotions. Most of the time this is due to living in a family where emotional expression either wasn't modeled or encouraged, or  where it was actively shut down. This emotional neglect is abusive and shaming to children, but most people think that it was just "normal" which can be...

In talking about factors that destroy relationships, Dr. Pat Love speaks with such depth and wisdom about all the things that are required to have a secure, healthy relationship. She talks about emotional security, attachment, systems theory, the relational set up, being flexible and spontaneous and so much more that we often take for granted in our relationships. Dr. Pat Love  is known for her wa...

Why do we love in the first place? Why do we choose the partners we choose? What happens in the brain when people fall in love? These are all questions that Helen Fisher has spent her career answering.  Helen E. Fisher, PhD  is a biological anthropologist, and Senior Research Fellow, at The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University. She has written six books on the evolution, biology, and psychology of...

When looking at sexual betrayal, many people in our society simplify it down to the fact that the betrayer is bad, wrong, and should be cut off. This leaves out the opportunity of a much more complex way of viewing these situations. To think about this with a more open mind is not to say that there is no accountability on the part of the betrayer, but to hold them accountable while at the same tim...

How do unfaithful partners typically respond differently than hurt partners after an affair? What constitutes an affair - intercourse? Instant messaging? Flirting? How can unfaithful partners take responsibility for the damage they caused and earn forgiveness?  These are just a few of the many questions that leave couples feeling confused about what to do after there has been an affair. Janis Abra...

This special episode is part of a 6 video business bonus that you can get for signing up for the Couples Therapist Inner Circle.  In this episode, Laura Long talks about marketing, niching, websites, and networking. She discusses the importance of thinking about what makes Couples Therapists different and encourages us to think about how we will appear to potential clients.  Laura is a badass busi...

In this episode, Kine Corder talks about removing blocks to success, particularly stress. We talk all about money, marriage and maturing.  Kine Corder helps people who have achieved success by society's standards, but still feel that they are missing something. She has a podcast called the Love and Money podcast, is a best selling author, psychotherapist, and international speaker. Find out more a...

In this episode, Dr. Sue Johnson talks about the beginning of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and the lack of options for Couples Therapists to get training at the time.  Dr. Sue Johnson is an author, clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, popular presenter and speaker and a leading innovator in the field of couple therapy and adult attachment. Sue is the primary developer of Emotionall...

This episode is packed full with advice for how to do good couples therapy. Some of the topics covered are the 6 types of confrontation, rethinking 1st sessions, and how to incorporate attachment theory, differentiation, and neuroscience.  Dr. Ellyn Bader is the co-founder of the Developmental Model for Couples Therapy. She and Dr. Peter Pearson co-wrote the book, In Quest of the Mythical Mate. Th...

Show notes to come...

One of the things we hear most frequently in our office as Couples Therapists is partners with differing levels of sexual desire. For a number of reasons this most often takes the form of a male partner desiring more sex than the female partner.  Susan Bratton does a wonderful job of flipping conventional wisdom on it's head and giving us some great insight into how we can guide people to Revive H...

In this episode, Kerry Lusignan talks about the benefits and structure of a couples intensive. Couples intensives are becoming more and more popular and are more effective for helping couples make deeper, more lasting progress. Kerry is the founder of Northampton Center for Couples Therapy in Northampton, MA. She has extensive training in several different models of couples therapy such as Gottman...

One of the most difficult situations that couples face is when there has been an affair and they are trying to heal. Every one of these situations is unique and different, but there are some general themes that tend to come up a lot. When partners can learn the skills and are willing to work at it, the recovery can go much more smoothly. These skills are exactly what Linda MacDonald teaches partne...

Today we celebrate the 100th episode of The Couples Therapist Couch with a rerun of one of the most popular episodes. Thanks for all your support! This episode explores fundamental questions like why do we fall in love, why do couples fight and how can couples work through conflict? Harville Hendrix has been on the forefront of teaching about relationships for decades. He is the founder of the cou...

Many people in our society have a belief that conflict is always a bad thing and should be avoided at all costs. In the interview today we unravel this myth about conflict and explore how it is not only helpful to relationships, but also essential. That is not to say it is always a good thing and it is very important to understand how we are approaching conflict in our relationships. Not only are...

When one or both couples are on the Autism Spectrum or label themselves as Aspergers, it can be incredibly helpful to be understanding of particular things that will be helpful for working with these specific couples. In this episode, Grace Myhill talks about particular topics that neurodiverse couples often seek help with. Here is a paragraph from her website: A couple is neurodiverse when one pa...

In the history of our society there has been a huge amount of shame for women about their own desires. There is still a pervasive problem of not talking about what is going on and what people really want. Because no one is talking about it, no one feels accepted or validated about their desire. Author, Lisa Taddeo, breaks this silence in her book Three Women . Lisa is a #1 New York Times bestselli...

In this episode about Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Elliot Connie talks about some amazing strategies to help couples achieve great results in their relationships. He goes into details about how much of psychotherapy is all wrong, asking the right questions, and letting the client take the lead. He describes how asking people what they want in a skillful way and staying with it, requires them to...

In this episode with Jan Bergstrom, we go into depth about the 5 Core Practices of a Healthy Life. This work was inspired by Pia Mellody and has become the foundation for many models of therapy. We talk about doing inner child work, feelings reduction work, and standing in your truth. We also touch on the importance of self-esteem and boundaries. Jan is the co-founder of the Healing Our Core Issue...

In this episode, Ari Tuckman describes how he often sees clients where what is being defined as "problematic behavior" is actually due to undiagnosed ADHD. Ari gives us a lot of information about how to work with these clients and how to help them feel more connected. Ari is an expert at working with ADHD, relationships and is also a sex therapist. He has written 4 books and has a podcast about AD...

When it comes to communication, there are differences in the way that we are socialized as men and women. In this conversation with Robert Kandell, he breaks down some important aspects of that communication so that people can be more successful and connected. Robert is an accomplished teacher, coach, and lecturer. An expert in interpersonal communication and relationships, he has helped thousands...