The Couples Therapist Couch

Going through a break up, separation or divorce is one of the most difficult things people ever have to face. In this episode, Katherine Woodward Thomas discusses how this process can be done with respect, care, and love so that everyone involved is less negatively impacted. This is especially important when children are involved. She outlines a 5 step process for couples to work together as they...

When looking at sexual betrayal, many people in our society simplify it down to the fact that the betrayer is bad, wrong, and should be cut off. This leaves out the opportunity of a much more complex way of viewing these situations. To think about this with a more open mind is not to say that there is no accountability on the part of the betrayer, but to hold them accountable while at the same tim...

There are more and more people who might be defined as sexual minorities and it is as important as ever for therapists to be educated and sensitive all types of people they are working with. In this episode Jonathan Burstein discusses polyamorous relationships and how we might become more culturally competent as therapists.   Couples need to feel like their therapist won't pathologize their lifest...

In grad school we learn all the essentials to become a great therapist. Unfortunately, most therapists come out of that experience lacking any sort of preparation for running a successful business.  It is essential for therapists to know how to run their business in order to serve as many people as possible and not have the financial stressors that impact their ability to do good work.  This is a...

Traditional therapy has done a great job of providing clients with a warm, loving, compassionate environment to heal. Unfortunately, it falls short when it comes to bringing up difficult truths to people when that is necessary. In this episode, Terry Real talks about the three phases of his model, Relational Life Therapy (RLT), the first of which is joining through the truth. In this way he begins...

How do unfaithful partners typically respond differently than hurt partners after an affair? What constitutes an affair - intercourse? Instant messaging? Flirting? How can unfaithful partners take responsibility for the damage they caused and earn forgiveness?  These are just a few of the many questions that leave couples feeling confused about what to do after there has been an affair. Janis Abra...

Some of the most challenging couples we see in Couples Therapy are those who are no longer even in a relationship. When children are involved, it is not possible to ever completely be free of one's ex partner.  In these situations it is incredibly important for these co-parents to work together in order to support the children in the best way possible. Karen Bonnell is an expert at helping these c...

Stan Tatkin says that being a Couples Therapist is like being a good Jazz Musician. With a jazz performance, the musicians follow the flow and play in the moment. They're not following a rehearsed piece. No concert is the same. With jazz, it's the many years of practice and expertise, that give each performance its unique identity. As Couples Therapists we bring our own experience and training to...

This is the 6th edition of the bonus business episodes that are released the first (or second) Thursday of each month. This is a solo episode with Shane Birkel that is all about steps you can take if your practice isn't quite where you want it to be yet. The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an ex...

People often have a hard time feeling heard and understood, especially in their relationships. In this episode of The Couples Therapist Couch, Anabelle Bugatti talks about attachment and how that influences how we are in relationships. Anabelle works with couples using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and discusses important considerations for using EFT with couples and how this framework is one...

In our society, we do a terrible job of preparing new parents for what is to come in their relationship with each other. 92% of parents report increased disagreements after the baby is born. Adding to the huge amount of stress experienced in the transition to parenthood is the perception that we are not good enough or that we are doing something wrong.  Elly Taylor has made it her mission to help...

As couples therapists we know how important a good foundation is. Educating couples about relationship skills right from the beginning can set them up for a lifetime of fulfillment. Unfortunately, we are not taught nearly enough about what it takes to have a happy, healthy relationship in our society. Mayi Dixon helps couples with this by offering premarital counseling in her private practice in A...

Everyone knows someone who has been impacted by infidelity. It is such a prevalent reality in our society, yet there is still so much taboo and limited understanding in the way that we talk about it. There tends to be a lot of shame and judgement involved which can make it even more difficult for couples to work through it. In this interview with Terri DiMatteo we talk about how to help couples af...

*Bonus business episode. We all have trauma from being in school and getting a big red X on a paper. When people mention the word paperwork it can definitely trigger an anxiety response in a lot of people.  Maelisa Hall, with her business QA Prep is not only making paperwork more fun, but also making it meaningful to enhance the work we do with clients.  Maelisa is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist...

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is one of the most well regarded models being used by couples therapists today. In this episode Jim Thomas offers a glimpse into some of the aspects of EFT that make it so powerful when used well with couples. Jim Thomas has received supervision from the founder of EFT, Sue Johnson and is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer and a member of the ICEEFT Strategic...

A meaningful apology can transform a relationship. A lackluster apology can just as easily lead to major problems in people's ability to connect.  For the past 2 decades, Dr. Harriet Lerner has studied the art of the apology and recently just published her latest book called  Why Won't You Apologize? Harriet Lerner is one of the nation's most loved and respected relationship experts, renowned for...

All couples get stuck in emotional interactions and patterns that lead to them feeling hurt and wanting to be loved at the same time. It can feel very confusing when the person who we feel is hurting us is also the one who we want to love us. Figs O'Sullivan talks about getting beyond the content of these couples interactions to guide couples to be more understanding and feel more connected. Figs...

When we think about problems in our relationships we often want to place blame on our partner and attack their character. When this happens it makes people feel stuck and helpless to do anything about the situation.  In the conversation with Bill O'Hanlon, he talks about guiding couples to express themselves by using specific examples and come up with specific solutions that empower them to break...

There are specific things for therapists to think about when working with a couple who has been impacted by autism. It could be a child of the couple or one of the partners who is on the spectrum, but whatever the case, there is a lot to consider.  This conversation with Janeen Herskovitz sheds light on many of those concepts for therapists to keep in mind.  Janeen is a Mental Health Counselor in...

As therapists, we have so much to offer people, but we are often afraid. Whether it is a case of imposter syndrome or just getting stuck in the day to day, it can be easy to stay in our comfort zone. In this bonus business episode with Ernesto Segismundo, he talks about how to put ourselves in new situations in order to see things from a different perspective and get fresh ideas. Ernesto is always...

In the field of Couples Therapy there has been very little research on gay couples. Fortunately, more and more is being done all of the time. It is important for Couples Therapists to be educated on this research and also understand how they can communicate in a way that is inclusive. This episode was with Alapaki Yee and Salvatore Garanzini, the founders of the Gay Couples Institute with location...

This is the first solo episode on the Couples Therapist Couch. Shane Birkel talks about how love changes over time and normalizes how different it might feel at different phases of the relationship. In order to keep love alive with our partners, it takes a lot of work.  As the New Year approaches it is important for all of us to set relationship goals along with all of the other areas of our lives...

Most Couples Therapists understand the importance of bringing sex into the conversation in couples therapy. Unfortunately, most feel unprepared to know what questions to ask, how to make clients feel comfortable, and what to do with the information once it is part of the conversation. In this episode, Sex Therapist, Martha Kauppi and I talk all about how to do that. She has identified 6 questions...

Hedy Schleifer has developed an deep and rich model of working with couples based on her decades of experience as a couples therapist as well as using her own relationship as a "living laboratory." Encounter-centered Couples Therapy is an experience for one couple to work with the therapist for two full days and connect with each other in a way they have never imagined. This experience leads to tr...

This is the third Bonus Business episode in a series that is release the first Thursday of each month. Being in Private Practice can be lonely and therapists tend to be introverts to begin with. In this episode Shane talks with Amber Hawley about how therapists can build their business community. Therapists need to do a better job of making their businesses a priority and having a business bestie...