The Bully Food Challenge

Never accuse a bully of being a bully! Why? Because it gives them more power, and all they have to do is deny it. Whenever we accuse the bully, they’ll always deny it, and they usually do so by saying, “I’m only kidding…" OR "It was just a joke..” By saying it was just a joke, they get themself off the hook and diminish their target once again by pretending the target has no reason to be upset. Th...

Narrate the Scene Instead I’ve told the story about where the concept of BF came from… You never want to accuse your bully of bullying directly—you might as well tell them they’ve won. Calling them a bully is giving them a title of power—it says you hold power over me, you're scary. Instead calmly describe what they do and what you do in a matter-of-fact way. Keep these three steps in mind: Be car...

Everyone is a target of bullying at some point. When the bully succeeds, the target is victimized. The more that happens, the easier it is to take on a victim identity. Seeing yourself as a victim is bully food. Break out of victim behaviors and the bully behaviors that follow. This episode is about social mistakes that could leave you open to bullying Too IMPRESSIVE comes off as I’m better than y...

Everyone is a target of bullying at some point. When the bully succeeds, the target is victimized. The more that happens, the easier it is to take on a victim identity. Seeing yourself as a victim is bully food. Break out of victim behaviors and the bully behaviors that follow. This episode is about social mistakes that could leave you open to bullying Too IMPRESSIVE comes off as I’m better than y...

Anti-bully mindset: I don’t want attention. I won’t try to get your attention, I won’t try to keep your attention, I feel good without your attention, I feel good with your attention as long as it’s enjoyable and doesn’t get boring. Frame everything the bully does as an opportunity to give yourself what you deserve: confidence, self-respect, humor, self-reliance, recognition for doing what's right...

Bullies disregard us, make false accusations, give the silent treatment, set double standards, break rules or make them up as they go along, intimidate and isolate us, optimize their mood swings, verbally abuse us in person and online, gossip, pass rumors, ignore us, invade our privacy, intrude and impose, use physical aggression and inappropriately cross the line, punish, steal our thunder and ou...

Someone’s mindset determines how they think and behave most of the time. It’s where they’re coming from. It’s how they treat just about everyone. The bully’s mindset is our topic today, and next week we’ll move to the tactics they use. Having these traits doesn’t necessarily mean a person is a bully, but all bullies think in the following ways because hurting others is their mindset. They try to c...

Today’s episode is a reminder to remember that the bully is the wrong one. Steven Pressfield said, “A bully has no power of their own. Their power derives entirely from our fear of it.” If a bully’s power is built from our fears, then we can pull the plug on their power over us at any time. They are only powerful if we empower them. To halt their power to remove the bf we have to see them as wrong...

Make yourself laugh, and you set the frame. This is the most fun way to build self-acceptance. Inside jokes are designed to bring some people in and leave others out. They are wonderful between friends, but they are also a classic bully move, and I love using bully tactics for good. By having inside jokes with yourself, you bring yourself in and leave the world out. This isn’t full exclusion only...

The first thing to know about all bullies is they are ALL hungry. What I mean by hunger in a social sense is desperately wanting to get approval, recognition, status and connection with others. Bullies are hungry in two main ways: One, they will do anything to get better at bullying because they think it’s the only way they can get ahead socially. Two, they are desperate tryhards, which is how you...

It might be a lot to ask during your summer break, or maybe you’ve been bored all summer, so it’s the perfect time. Hear me out when I say you must get better at being bored and even a little uncomfortable, dissatisfied or disappointed. I’ll tell you exactly why and how you should exercise your boredom muscle to make it as strong as possible. When you know how to manage your own boredom, you have...

What is a frame? The way you view an interaction and your part in it. What you assume to be true about yourself and the others. What you believe. What you can and cannot do. This creates an underlying context for the interaction and how it should go. As long as you hold your frame, it will be stronger than everyone else’s, and things will go your way. Believe it or not, but you already play in a f...

Insults are attacks plain and simple. You must defend yourself against attacks, but being defensive is bully food. So what’s the difference between being defensive and standing up for yourself. That’s what we’re about to get into after If you attack the content of the insult, that’s defensive. If you attack the person’s frame who just insulted you, that’s standing up to them. By attacking the cont...

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “Go the extra mile. It’s never crowded there.” This quote has many meanings we’ll explore today, but it’s main message is you’ll accomplish your goals with little competition if you’re willing to go farther than most others. This episode is a follow-up to last week when we looked at how to reframe discouragement to maintain our determination. This week’s lesson is what to do w...

In this episode we’ll go through what it really feels like before you’re about to win. I mean to show you you’re on the right track even when it feels like you’re not. After another year of school and putting up with a bully, this is a good time for a pep talk. A reframe. Changing the way you look at discouragement to motivate yourself. You must cultivate your ability to reframe especially when it...

I heard someone recently say humor is our emotional immune system. Humor and laughter work in a similar way to reframe our pain and traumas. Have you ever wondered why some kids laugh when they get in trouble with a teacher and only make it worse with their silly responses? Or when someone breaks into uncontrollable laughter after learning something that’s anything but a laughing matter? It’s beca...

A hobby can be as good as a best friend, especially when you’re dealing with a bully. I have three reasons for this: 1- Getting good at something builds confidence, focus and gives you something to be proud of about yourself. When you see yourself as accomplished, as somebody who follows out their own intentions and dreams, it raises your self-esteem. Watching yourself improve over time also build...

A hobby can be as good as a best friend, especially when you’re dealing with a bully. I have three reasons for this: 1- Getting good at something builds confidence, focus and gives you something to be proud of about yourself. When you see yourself as accomplished, as somebody who follows out their own intentions and dreams, it raises your self-esteem. Watching yourself improve over time also build...

When you feel like you can do nothing right, do the opposite! Welcome! Many of us are either about to be on vacation from school, or we already are. A well deserved break from the pressures of school, including your bully if that’s where you see them. Regardless of whether getting out of your regular routine means you won’t see the bully or not, it’s still a time to for you regroup. Young people g...

Here’s the idea behind this lesson: When it comes to dealing with the bully, see what you can get away with. Whatever it is you’d do if you knew you’d win no matter what..do that! Test and find out what you can get away with around people. You tell them you’re somewhat okay with losing them, or losing out in the situation. When you’re willing to risk, you’re willing to lose, but remember people do...

Path of least resistance means focusing on what you want as much as possible. You will certainly feel things that will make you doubt what you want and what you’re going for. But really there is no doubt. There is only trust. Either you trust in what you want (your way), or you trust in what you fear (the bully’s way). Yes you have had a series of bad experiences and failures with this bully. So o...

Teachers want to help, and also we have a lot on our plate. The best way to get a teacher’s help is to make your problem their problem too. Fortunately the strategy I’m about to teach you goes hand in hand with leveling the playing field with your bully or bullies. What you want is to be on equal footing with all the other kids involved and for the teacher to initiate any problem solving that occu...

Acceptance means sticking with your story even in moments when it seems like the bully will never back off. The way to accept that things will eventually fall into place and you’ll get through this bullying better for it, is to stop checking. Checking is…reassurance seeking. We do it to assess the outcome of our goals before they’ve happened. It’s too soon to know, but we NEED to know now, so we c...

It’s your attitude about yourself that people take on and believe. Hold your own and act like you’re #1, and everyone will believe it as long as you do. I bring this up is for those of you who have a tendency to put others’ opinion, taste, attitude, or general approach to life above your own. Once you’ve taken yourself out of first place in your own mind, their approval or validation of you starts...

Tug of war is a well known game. Most of us know it, but I’ll explain it. You pull on one end against others who pull the other way. For a while the rope has quite a lot of tension until one side gets enough momentum to pull the other side over. The competition is fun with good natured friends or competitors. So why is the same game of tense resistance between you and your bully such a nightmare?...