The Beautiful Mess by John Pavlovitz Podcast

We all have images of what a midlife crisis looks like. We often picture someone in their 40s or 50s waking up one day, looking at their lives and feeling some sense of anxiety or panic or sadness: Perhaps they are having trouble reconciling the image of themselves in their heads with the one they see in the mirror. They might be struggling with feelings of insignificance, or a sudden realization...

If I had a dime for every time over the past eight years I’ve been asked to understand a Trump supporter, I’d have enough money to defend their belligerent, spray-tanned savior from his four indictments and ninety-one felony charges (not that I would). Since the now court-established-rapist began his first presidential campaign, I’ve read countless think pieces and op-eds and watched a full stream...

Some days I'm afraid that I may be losing faith in Faith. I look around at the damage done in the name of God and the grief just comes like a flood. As a deeply spiritual person, lately I find that I persist almost defiantly, all the while pushing back the nagging questions always nipping at my heels of my belief: Isn't spirituality supposed to be a balm for humanity? Isn't God supposed to be that...

O n June 19th, 1865, Federal troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, to declare the emancipation of all Americans, of every slave being free. The Emancipation Proclamation had been issued two-and-a-half years earlier by President Lincoln, but as a result of the geographic fractures created by the war, many strongholds of institutionalized racism existed. Texas was the final area of this nation to surr...

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the wrong side of the fight. Sometimes I feel like an accomplice to a crime, like I'm part of the problem. There are many days when I hear myself loudly pushing back against the brimstone breathing preachers, Bible-pounding bigots, and filth-spewing pew sitters—and I wonder if I'm mistaken. Though I often feel burdened to climb to a high place and to let people within...

“January 6th was no big deal. It was a nothing burger!” These were the eloquent words of a beer can-wielding senior citizen, who through some confluence of happenstance, lousy luck, and poor choices, I found myself sitting uncomfortably close to in a North Carolina hotel hut tub. It was nearly eighteen months after the January 6th, 2021 insurrection, and this sweaty, inebriated stranger was loudly...

I usually avoid small talk (as it’s an introvert’s kryptonite) but yesterday at the pharmacy I made eye contact with the woman in line behind me and started up a conversation. She began complaining about the stratospheric cost of her medications, to which I interjected with a smile and great optimism, “We’ll, hopefully be able to change that in the coming election!” “Oh, I’m not voting.” she repli...

For many people, the holidays are a time for recognizing our profound fullness : of purposefully dwelling on the abundant overflow we find ourselves in and being grateful for it. For many, our houses and our bellies bulge to capacity and we gleefully overindulge in food and friends and laughter. We fill ourselves to bursting with all the things, the people, and the stuff that make life glorious an...

What child is this? Have you ever felt like something was off, something you couldn't quite place but you were sure of just the same; a subtle but very profound  not rightness ? Well, something is not right in me these days and I know it. I'm not sure how to describe it other than to say that lately there is something missing. I think it might be peace. I think I'm becoming  starved of peace. It h...

This was never about him. My Trump-supporting family members and former friends think it has been but my sadness really has nothing to do with him. From the very beginning he’s just been a spotlight. Over the past few years, he has simply revealed clearly the hidden ugliness of the place I call home and the people I live here alongside and that is the thing I grieve over. And this is not the mourn...

I confess that I'm a little lost presently. I've become a restless, reluctant nomad moving through familiar places with a hovering emotional dissonance. I am a lifelong American who is profoundly disoriented trying to navigate this nation now. I was born here and have spent most of my half a century and change here—and yet in recent years, I've begun to feel more and more like a stranger in my hom...

My dad passed away almost ten years ago and I'm still pissed off about it. Not all the time, and it's now more subtle than it used to be but it’s still there. Sometimes, I find myself envying friends who have their fathers with them. Other times, I see strangers at their grandchildren's soccer games and wonder if they all know how lucky they are. Other times, I'm mad at my father's doctors for not...