Talking Sense with Dr Martha

We often talk about bullying from the point of view of the victim, but what of the children who engage in bullying behaviour? This conversation can be confronting because it means deconstructing the narrative that child who bully are 'bad kids' and it means we need to look inwards - at ourselves, the adults who are around children - to consider what messages our words and actions are giving childr...

As a parent there are going to be times when you lose it, shout, say things you don't mean or put in actions you regret. This doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human. In these moments, repairing the relationship with your child is the step you need to take. But how do you do this when they are little and when they get older? What if your child doesn't seem to respond or even acknowledge...

As a parent it is normal to want your child to be happy and have positive experiences. And one of the hardest things to learn is that you cannot make your child happy, and fixing their feelings is not your job. Dr Martha speaks about emotion to help you make sense of what your child means when they say "I feel sad", how to work with the emotion rather than trying to fix it or remove it, and the th...

We don't tend to talk about little ones' sexual behaviour. As adults we may find this is wrong or perverse, and yet there is a difference between 'sexual behaviour' that comes from curiosity and exploration and 'sexualised behaviour' with an intention for sex. Children are born wanting to explore the world and learning about their bodies is a part of it. When it comes to little ones masturbating t...

With technology literally in our pockets it is no surprise children have access to porn easily. How can you talk about porn to your child in a way that is age appropriate and helpful rather than scary and shaming? Dr Martha talks you through some ideas of how to begin he conversation with your child, whether you have found they have watched porn or you want to prepare and educate them about it. So...

Do you have to repeat instructions to your child? Does it make moments throughout your day frustrating, such as mornings or evenings? If you have ever heard yourself say "please hang your coat up" more than 20 times (with no success in your child following through with this action), then this podcast is for you! Dr Martha discusses why older children struggle listening and following through with i...

To punish or not to punish, that is the question. In a society that continues to ask us to 'control our kids', it makes sense that punishments feel familiar, nearly instinctive to offer as a strategy for 'good discipline'. Dr Martha talks about punishments, the good the bad and the ugly, and the evidence base around their effectiveness. She offers non-judgmental ideas around punishment and explain...

We all want children to strive to. do their best. When we catch a glimpse of perfectionism we may think it's a 'good thing', that it will motivate them to push forwards towards a goal. However, if you spot the 'critical voice' that accompanies perfectionism that tells your child they are 'bad' at anything they can't do or when they make a mistake, then it may be time to look at perfectionism in a...

Children sometimes want to quit doing things and knowing when to encourage them to persist and when to support them to keep going can feel like a tricky balance. Dr Martha offers a reframe on the idea of 'quitting' and guides you through some of the talking points that can help both you and your child come to a decision based on curiosity, understanding and problem solving. The Confident Parent co...

The climate crisis affects all of us and our children are going to hear about it and want to talk about it. How do we work through the worries they bring up without overwhelming them with the scale of the challenge? Dr Martha discusses ways to move through climate change anxiety (for you and your child) and take steps towards positive action that can have collective impact into the future. The Con...

Competition is everywhere and we need to help our children learn how to navigate the wins and the losses. Dr Martha discusses what competition can teach us all that is more than the ideas of 'winning vs losing'. With focus on how to reframe hardship into an opportunity to learn, grow and improve, Dr Martha shares some the areas you can focus on to teach a child resilience, grit, and a growth minds...

Making the decision to separate as a couple is never an easy one. Considering how you share the new with your children show how much you care about the relationship you have with them and can help you all adjust to the changes a separation brings. Dr Martha talks through how to talk to children about an adult separation, the areas to consider for you and for them, as well as what to do when childr...

How do you speak about your body? We all have a self-critical voice and for some this is louder than others. How do you then respond when it's your child talking about their body as 'fat' in a way that is shaming or negative of themselves? Dr Martha talks about the importance of talking about 'fat' in ways that are neutral and helping children accept and value difference in themselves and others s...

On this Special Episode of Talking Sense Dr Martha shares her favourite three podcasts from Blended, by Kate Ferdinand and discusses why she thinks they are a useful listen. i) The Mother's Day Episode - A moving listen on the lesser spoken stories of mothering. If mothers day is hard for you this may be a useful listen you wish to come back to ii) The importance of embracing heritage with Adrienn...

If you have more than one child do you see them fighting over toys, winding each other up, and/or competing about who 'wins' or gets to the swings first? Sibling rivalry is common and there is a reason why siblings wind each other up and have conflict. Dr Martha discusses sibling rivalry in this podcast, where it stems from, what it communicates, and the things you can do to manage it. The Confide...

When children learn how to use the toilet they sometimes go through phases of 'not getting it quite right'. If your family has had a recent change, such as welcoming a new baby, then toileting accidents can be more likely, especially when a child is 'learning' this skill rather than fully mastered it. Dr Martha discusses what is happening for children at these times of family change and transition...

Do you think of your child as "shy"? What is the best way to respond to others when they call our child "shy"? And what is the best language to use around your child to promote confidence and help them overcome "shyness"? Dr Martha talks about "shyness" from a different perspective and answers all these questions to offer you practical strategies you can put into place right away. "Shyness" doesn'...

Little boys gets taught from an early age the rigid rules of 'masculinity' in terms of what is acceptable to say, do, and like. This can turn toxic in the long term and have a detrimental impact on the health and well-being of men. Dr Martha discusses what 'toxic masculinity' is and how it differs from healthy masculine behaviours, she breaks down some for he stereotypes we have absorbed in Wester...

'Body Positivity' is a bit of a movement at the moment. The idea that feeling good about yourself comes within, not from how you look. There is a wealth of research on this topic and the things that support children in developing positive self-worth outside of what their physical appearance looks like. Dr Martha explores the main areas that you can focus on as parents and adults around children, a...

Does your child ever seem to ignore you when you say "no" and keep asking or doing the thing you have asked them to not do? If your answer is "yes", you're not alone! There is a reason why children tend to ignore "no" that has nothing to do with stubbornness, defiance or rudeness. Dr Martha talks you through what is happening from a child's view and gives you actionable strategies to help you get...

When your child says to another "I don't want to play with you" how does it leave you feeling? Do you want to help them be kinder to others and/or be more inclusive of children in play? If you do, this podcast is for you! Children don't develop social skills naturally, it takes time, practice and some gentle guidance from you. It also helps to understand what you bring with you when talking about...

When a child says "I don't want to go to school!" and this happens regularly, what's the best way to respond? How can you support your child while letting them know their feelings are important? Dr Martha discusses this offering some key steps to offer understanding, empathy, and active support to a child who is struggling to go to school. The Confident Parent course is out! Do you have, or look a...

When you are expecting a new baby it can be a time full of excitement. You may also worry about how to share the news with your child(ren), how to prepare them (and you) for the changes that are coming, and keep your connection throughout this family transition. Dr Martha talks through all of this on the podcast offering you actionable ideas to prepare before the baby arrives and suggestions to su...

Do family members ever feel the need to give you an opinion or advice on your parenting that makes you feel criticised or judged? If it's happened, you're not alone. And if you respond by trying to convince and educate and it falls on deaf ears, this isn't your fault. Dr Martha talks about some of the reasons why judgment from family and others may happen and what you can control and do about it....

There are many stereotypes and stories about 'only children' - but are these valid and true? And what (if anything...) can we do about it? Dr Martha explores the main stereotypes around 'only children', breaks down the myths and offers the facts to share the evidence around what children benefit the most from (spoiler alert: it's not necessarily a sibling). The Confident Parent course is out! Do y...