SmartLoving Conversations

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We’ve been promoting and teaching Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs - also known as Natural Family Planning) for over two decades. One of the things we hear often, is how couples, and especially women, lament that they didn’t hear about FAMs earlier. Disenchanted with popular contraceptives, they welcome a natural option.

Language Matters For years, advocates of inclusive language have been steadily drawing our attention to the clumsy use of language which can alienate various ethnic groups or religious adherents, the elderly, the young, the disabled, the poor, or even whole sexes. Why? Because language is more than just about communicating our thoughts effectively. Language is also an active participant in forming...

We’ve been promoting and teaching Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs - also known as Natural Family Planning) for over two decades. One of the things we hear often, is how couples, and especially women, lament that they didn’t hear about FAMs earlier. Disenchanted with popular contraceptives, they welcome a natural option. https://smartloving.org/the-natural-revolution/

How can we inspire young people to embrace stable, loving marriages when so many grow up without seeing them? We’ve all heard stories that stop us in our tracks. One that sticks with us is about a teacher in an inner-city U.S. primary school who discovered her students didn’t know what a wedding was . Not one had seen a marriage up close. Role Models for Marriage - SmartLoving

‘Mind Reading’ is one of those clairvoyant arts that seems to elude us when it comes to marriage. Too often we make the mistake of assuming that our spouse knows what we need without communicating clearly about it. How many times have we, or our spouse, declared in exasperation to the injured one: “I’m not a mind reader! You have to tell me what you need if you want me to help!”? Yet when it comes...

On our wedding day, we joyfully left our family homes to begin our married life together. Living and worshipping in the same parish, with similar ethnic heritage and family structure, we thought ‘cleaving’ together would be easy. How wrong we were! Leaving and Cleaving is Complicated - Family of Origin

Most marriage counselling and education focuses on conflict and incompatibility. It seeks to help couples find constructive ways of dealing with challenges in the relationship. It’s a kind of ‘damage control’ approach that seeks to minimize the impact of negative experiences. Positive Thinking

Who would have thought espresso cups could cause such drama ? Byron had discarded the unused ‘free’ cups a year earlier, without Francine even noticing their absence. After a frantic search when a guest requested an espresso, she discovered their fate. Understanding Compound Wounds - SmartLoving

I was very pessimistic as a teenager. I tended to see everything negatively, and even when something good happened, I always noted how it could be better. I didn’t make very good company, even for myself. That changed when I fell in love, and learned a new way of relating to the world. I learned to think positively and to ‘count my blessings’. positive thinking, saying thank you, optimism, for a h...

We’ve all heard marriage is a journey, but what happens when it feels like a marathon with no finish line? Every couple faces trials – tension with family, disappointment or frustration at work, unemployment, or health struggles. What hurts most isn’t always the trial itself – it’s the feeling of being alone in it, especially when our spouse seems indifferent. Going the distance is easier together...

Every nation remembers the sacrifice of their war veterans with a Memorial Day . Thinking about your marriage: is it more of a battlefield than the safe harbour it is intended to be? https://smartloving.org/war-and-peace-on-the-home-front/

It’s that time of year when parishioners scatter like startled sheep. The call goes out for volunteers to have their feet washed on Holy Thursday , and suddenly, we’re armed with a thousand excuses. We get it – our knobbly, stinky feet aren’t exactly our best feature . The idea of baring them in public, especially to our parish priest, is mortifying. A trip to the nail salon is different. It’s tra...

Communication has long been seen as the key to a healthy marriage. Modern experts call into question this wisdom, suggesting that it is not communication, but connection that is the key to lasting marital happiness. Communication in relationships is often misunderstood. Most peo ple think that good communication involves choosing the right words and learning how to listen better. Or learning how t...

In a world that pulls couples apart, a simple ten-second kiss IS a small act of love with big rewards. Regular readers of SmartLoving will be familiar with the Connect Kiss – a daily connection ritual we promote to couples. It consists of a smoochy kiss that lasts at least ten seconds. We recommend it at two key points in our day: the point of separation at the beginning of the workday, and the po...

Marital resilience starts with a well-grounded understanding of what marriage is and what it isn’t. A lot of couples get themselves into trouble because they make a very simple mistake: they expect marriage to make them happy. In practice, this mindset translates into an expectation that their spouse must make them happy. So whenever they are not happy, they project their unhappiness onto their sp...

We live in a culture that champions unfiltered self-expression. We’re told that honesty is the ultimate virtue in relationships – that I have a right to say what’s on my mind, whenever I feel like it, and that our spouse should be ready to listen. It’s a message that sounds liberating: no masks, no pretence, just pure, raw authenticity. But as Catholic spouses striving to live out our vocation, we...

“You can either be right, or you can be one, but you can’t be both”. Our mentors were talking to us about a frustrating argument, and we were both digging in. They were right, of course, but we struggled to put it into practice. It would not be the last time either. Like just this past weekend. The argument was over handling a distressed toddler. It’s a well-worn path for us, and now it’s playing...

We often find ourselves chatting with engaged couples who want to write their own wedding vows . They tell us the traditional language feels stiff or too generic, and we get it—their love is unique, and they want their words to reflect that. It’s entirely understandable, and it reminds us of what we were thinking when we were preparing for our marriage. https://smartloving.org/our-way-or-gods-way/

No matter how easy it is to fall in love, staying in love requires attention and effort. Most people drift into love, marriage and family without a whole lot of conscious planning about the kind of relationship they want to have five, 10 or 20 years down the track. https://smartloving.org/intentional-relationship/

“I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how.” If you’ve been in the position of having a friend, parishioner, or family member confide their marital problems , you’re in the majority – 69% of adult men and 78% of adult women have been there. For priests, we suspect that number reaches 100%. Unless you’ve had specific training, these situations can be unnerving. We all hate to see loved ones suffering...

Our romantic memories are the fabric of our couple history. When we reconnect with these memories, we reinvigorate our emotional connection in the present and set a positive tone for our future together. https://smartloving.org/keeping-love-alive-in-the-present-moment/

A corporate leader in India recently made headlines by suggesting his employees should work a 90-hour week, quipping , “What do you do sitting at home? How long can you stare at your wife, how long can the wife stare at her husband?” His remarks sparked quite the reaction, with some couples posting photos of themselves “staring” at their spouses and dubbing Sunday as “#stareday”. While the executi...

Lessons from St. Valentine | A reflection for World Marriage Day 2025 As we approach World Marriage Day on February 9th, we are reminded of another celebrated figure of marital devotion – St. Valentine . Today, his name evokes thoughts of flowers and romantic dinners. Yet St. Valentine’s true legacy speaks to something far more profound: the sacrificial nature of authentic love. As a priest in thi...