Sitting Under A Tree with Aidan Jones

I sold the other phone! EIGHT-HUNDRED AND EIGHTY DOLLARS YOU FUCKS!!! Suck shit to every cunt who offered me $700, suck shit to everyone who laughed at me and doubted me, and to everyone still trying to sell their second phone that they bought from JB HiFi on eBay, never give up. Dreams come true, you just need to trust in yourself and your vision. Block out the haters. TACO!!!

Wild times at the Adelaide Fringe Festival Club on Sunday night, not least of all because for once the Artist Bar at an Arts Festival is actually fun to hang out at. I'm trying to sell the second Google Pixel 3 I bought on an entrepreneurial whim at the start of the week, and it is not going well. Some cunt offered to trade me for an iPhone 8+!!? What a low-bag piece of shit, I'll kill him.

Kalgoorlie got better, but I'm still convinced that it is absolute trash. Melbourne is great, I'm back home until Thursday, but I hurt my groin playing indoor soccer. Luckily the pathetic vermin who write for the Australian tabloids are always here to take my mind off the pain.

I'm stuck in fucking Kalgoorlie. There's nothing going on here, and I've not seen anyone under 30 for the last 24 hours, but at least we got to look at a really big pit. Last weekend my crowd sang 'Silent Night' as the last audience members took their seats, it was really lovely. Perth Fringe was fucking fantastic.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! I'm a little drunk, it's been a great day - lunch, wine, beers, whiskey tour, denim jackets. I've gotten so tanned from being in Perth that on Sunday night some guy didn't believe that I was the person on my flyer. It was infuriating, I wish I'd told him to go fuck himself. Also some guy tried to pull some snake shit over Facebook. I'm 28 motherfuckers!

On Sunday night two girls stole my bag from where I was flyering for my show in Yagan Square, it had all of my notebooks, diary, wallet, jumper, phone charger and headphones in it. It also had my cards that I needed to do the show. The experience really fucked me up for a minute, if I'm honest, although I am feeling a bit better now, so it can't have been that bad. I have a lot of anger about it,...

Perth is so beautiful, I'm staying in South Fremantle and have been swimming in the ocean every day since I got here - I think it's going to my head. I went off on some self-important tangent about how I should be entitled to a concession card because being an artist is the same as going university. Then I caught myself, and called myself an idiot. Pretty standard, really.

Last night we sat around a backyard fire drinking, listening to music, and eventually, sacrificing my t-shirt to the fire gods. I leave for Perth Fringe World tomorrow morning, and I couldn't be more excited!

Sunday night at a show I spoke to a guy who had come from the UK to get back with his ex. She has bipolar disorder, and so when he got here, she freaked, and kicked him out of the house. Him telling me, and a room full of people at a comedy show that information was a very honest, beautiful moment. In this podcast I succeed in making it about myself.

New Year. Great Party. Also met some annoying English guy the other night who followed us to a bar, everyone was too polite to tell him to fuck off, but I got him to buy me a drink. Should I feel bad? Probably, but I honestly don't. Happy New Year everyone!

I just finished reading 'I Love Dick' by Chris Kraus, which is evidently a hugely popular piece of feminist literature right now. Anyway, I fucking hated it, so I ranted about that for a while, but before my hot take on this exciting piece of the zeitgeist, I spend ages telling a story about a train. Also Dave Campbell comes round to collect his jacket and scares the shit out of me. Merry Christma...

This week: Likes - English Accents, Rising Sounds, Doings Lots of Gigs. Dislikes - 17 Year-Olds at Parties, DJs at Parties, Apple.

I fucked up yesterday and snapped at a friend, I was upset with my own performance on a show, but hadn't admitted it to myself. I guess I was trying to sweep it aside, because the performance wasn't so bad that I bombed or whatever, but when my friend off-handedly compared me to the other act on the lineup, it really upset me, which forced me to think about why I was upset. How could I have honest...

I don't know why, but I feel a bit of a mess this morning. We put up Christmas decorations last night, and had a few wines. I tell the story of a few various faux pas that I've made in my life, one when I was much younger, and another that was just the other day. I make the same mistakes, but I hope with age, the scale at least decreases.

Great episode to mark one year of the podcast! I talk about the Victorian election, and the privileged it was to witness one of the major figures in Victorian Politics doing drugs on election night. It's insane the level of egomaniac that is drawn to politics in the first place, I mean who names a whole party after themselves? Clive Palmer? Yuck. You're all stupid. Everyone except me.

Melbourne Comedy needs some new traditions, and Blake and I may have just come up with one while sniffing amyl in our kitchen at 4am on Sunday morning. Drinking has been affecting my mood lately, I reckon. It's annoying, I don't know how to say no to people. This week I yell about that a little too.

These woodchip dudes cutting down the tree out the back of our house are wayyyyy too comfortable fucking around with chainsaws. I just ate some bacon that may have been off, and my meditation app fucked up this morning, I shouldn't really be in a good mood, but somehow by the end of this podcast, I am! Mufasa Forever!

It's been raining like crazy all morning and I've been sitting in my lounge room recording this, I couldn't be happier! Dragon Dreaming at the weekend was AMAZING!! I watched a group of guys steal some hippie's boat while high on ketamine, did an amazing show, and got punched in the face by a lady on the train back from NSW - what a time to be alive.

I recorded sitting on my front porch this week, out amongst the nature, the birds, the wind, the men walking up my driveway asking to look at the tree in the back because the landlord wants to take it down. Beautiful stuff. Mum was here visiting on the weekend, and my friends kept telling me they were going to have sex with her. None of them managed, I don't think. Also Blake's chain came just aft...

Yeah our fridge is completely fucked, this is a nightmare, I can still hear it droning now. What have I got in there? some bacon, a few veggies, a bit of leftover fried rice, some cheese, soda water... not much, I guess most of that will be okay. I'll have to cook the bacon tonight though. God damn it, and now we'll have to get a new fridge and get it here and that's going to be a whole other hass...

Good week. Great week! Orange party, dance concert, found an old notebook, got a bunch of tram fines. Today I sang a song from my friend Naomi's dance performance that I assume is called 'Gay or European', then laughed about it a lot. Also if anyone knows a bar job in Melbourne I can get with minimal to no effort, honestly, I will fucking do it. 

Have you ever thought that meditation apps might be a covert tool to fill our minds with terrorist doctrine? Me neither. I'm back in Melbourne and Nike are still treating me like their personal whipping bitch - lucky I've not let it get to me. I feel happy. Fine. everything's all bubbly.

I recorded this sitting on the concrete floor at Sydney Airport because some bucket hat motherfucker wanted to sit next to me on the floor to eat his Krispy Cremes. Only a few hours until I'm finally back in Melbourne for the first time properly since June and god damn am I excited. I just ate some McDonalds, my flight leaves in a few hours, I might go for a floor-nap in a second to be honest.

BONUS PODCAST EPISODE A couple weeks ago I sat down with my mate Milo Edwards and chatted about his time living in Russia and performing stand up on Russian TV. Honestly what an insane sounding country, but hearing these stories makes me really want to go myself. Milo has a podcast called Trashfuture which if you're into politics you'll love. My Mum doesn't really like it, but she's basically a fa...

Careful at the start of this one, I got real excited and played the chorus of September Rose by Cailin Russo on my phone and sang to it, then stopped it and started shouting hahahaha. I dunno man, I'm in a good mood, I'm back in Australia, staying in a hotel with my boy Blakey, and shit is all okay. This was a great pod.