Sitting Under A Tree with Aidan Jones

I turn 30 in three days, and I'm still the same horrid little gnat I was when I was 16. My high school girlfriend's Mum said that I had a chip on my shoulder, and on Saturday someone else said the same thing. Of course they're right, now what to do about it?

This week's episode isn't really about Australia Day/Invasion Day at all, I spoke about it for a few minutes at the start before I started talking about myself, that's it. I didn't have a pic for this week though, and thought it'd be cool to acknowledge the indigenous peoples of Australia, whose sovereignty was never ceded, by putting the Indigenous Flag as the image this week.

I just spent a long time - maybe too long for what it is - writing a funny description here about how I got a palm spike stuck in my leg. It was in the tone of a legal deposition or whatever, and it ended with "My justice will be done." But then the fucking podcast upload thing fucked up because it's all changed and I lost the description I wrote and I'm too angry now to write another one. I just...

On Friday night I watched an angry drunk get dragged, screaming out of a gig, then I went on stage and bombed straight afterwards. Later, I stole a kebab - actually it was a chicken snack pack, but whatever. The next day I fixed everything. This is my story.

Everything was going great - New Year's Eve plans were coming together, I was cooking, all of 2020's loose ends were tied up and things were finally going to get better. At 11am my girlfriend called; "Have you heard the news?"

Went to Bunnings this morning and bought a whipper snipper - or as we call 'em in the biz, a BRUSH CUTTER - to cut my lawn. I've been using lawn scissors to do it for almost a year, in what I am now convinced was a fatal misinterpretation of their original purpose. Oopsie!

Drove down to Adelaide over a few days and made a bunch of stops, saw people I haven't seen in ages, got calamari on the Limestone Coast. Feeling like the year is wrapping up quite nicely.

Yesterday I took what is probably the best picture of people taking pictures I've ever taken, there's three people taking pictures in the one picture, and behind them is the majesty of a Sunday evening sunset on St Kilda beach. It was a great day, Calamari Sunday returned, and I got to do a great gig at the legendary Espy, and everything just feels like it's really coming together lately.

I was just talking to a friend about being too thirsty, it can be a tough conversation, I don't know that anyone has ever explicitly had it with me, but over the years I pieced it together slowly from a few pitying looks and knowing smiles. Don't just go out to get laid, boys, there's so much more to life!

Diego Maradona died this week, pretty sad, even though I can't really say he was a huge part of my life on any level apart from the fact that I like football. I have a tendency to get pretty emotional over big events like this though, it's a naughty little indulgence really - feels good to get sad about shit. Also if you want to help out Benjy's Karaoke Bar and hate that story as much as I do, add...

I went camping on the weekend, and that part was lovely, but before we went I made sure to stress myself out unnecessarily by trying to jam too many commitments into the day we were supposed to be leaving. Always good form before a holiday to make sure you're strung out to emotional breaking-point so you get good bang for your relaxation buck. That's what I reckon.

The Backyard Bitch T-Shirts are HERE!!! Fucken come on!! Also comedy is starting back up again and I'm going home for Christmas!! Unless the borders shut, and comedy hasn't actually started YET. It all feels very up the air still, but hey! T-shirts! T-shirts!

I did acid on Saturday night and it was great, I feel clear-headed and free. I told some stories about other times I've done acid in the past, and realised how easy it could have been to fall into heroin or some other awful shit when I was younger. Half of everything is just dumb luck, eh?

I went to the beach this morning! I've been thinking about politics and the state of the world a lot as friends in the UK and Europe go back in to lockdown, and the US gets ready to choose which old man they'd like to be their mascot for the next four years. It's tiring stuff, and the beach is the perfect cure, I'd recommend it to everyone.

We did it!! It's happening!! MELBOURNE I LOVE YOU!! Dan Andrews drinking whiskey on a Monday night!! A long weekend for the footy that's being played in Queensland!! Matthew McConaughey on Joe Rogan!! 51 consecutive days of meditation!! Fuck you Covid, we're opening up!! MELBOURNE COMEDY WILL RISE AGAIN!!!! By the way here's the link to those kids playing the Wheezer cover: https://youtu.be/4PL-yY...

I feel so god damn stressed right now because I've given myself a bunch of stuff to do this week, and each individual thing is important or fun or whatever, but I've just given myself TOO MUCH!! Argh. Maybe restrictions could just not ease and we could stay like this forever?

Creating an image for Backyard Bitch T-Shirts. Torrenting a movie about meditation. Recording video of this podcast. Editing thumbnail images for this podcast. Playing music to relax myself after recording this podcast. These are all situations in which I have become unreasonably angry after attempting to interface with technology. When will it end?

Lockdown has been getting to me a little this week. I yelled at a guy in a van outside the cool new bagel joint that just opened in Brunswick. Also I spent all day yesterday thinking I was having a fight with a friend, when actually it was all in my head. Can't wait to shave my stupid facial hair when I finish uploading this episode, what a treat.

The tapestry I ordered for my bedroom wall came yesterday while I was out in Maribyrnong reading The Hidden Life of Trees in the sun. That's what my life has become now, just making purchases and doing activities. Al Fresco Summer couldn't come soon enough.

After two weeks of meditating every morning I've learned that eating junk food of an evening makes me vulnerable to emotional stress in the morning. Some secrets are best left alone, I fear that Headspace Andy may have forever ruined pizza for me. Unforgivable.

I had a great conversation with a friend last week about how I feel personally attacked by feminism, and how insane it is that I feel that way. It was very cool of her to listen to me and let me figuratively punch myself out in my anger. Better to get that shit out in private than accidentally letting loose in some Instagram comments section, hey? God, please save me from myself.

Ever heard of The Trolley Problem? It's a famous thought experiment in moral philosophy that forces us to consider the power of choice by suggesting a situation where we might divert a runaway trolley on train tracks, and in doing so save many lives at the expense of a few. The Trolley Pole Problem is the same thing, but instead of a runaway trolley on train tracks, it's a runaway trolley POLE, an...

Less than two weeks left of Stage 4 restrictions in Melbourne, we're gonna make it! Spring is here, cases are dropping, comedy will live again, and everything's going to be okay. If you want cynicism, go somewhere else, I'm all about positivity now! YAY!!!

Yes it's a selfie, yes I'm pouting, yes I took it sincerely and no I didn't realise what I was doing at the time. 19 days of Stage 4 Lockdown left in Melbourne and boy oh boy am I emotionally fragile. When, when, oh when will it be done?

I got a message from some company that wants to send me a watch and put a picture of myself with it on my Instagram, and I think I'm gonna do it?! I feel like it may be a scam somehow and I'm going to lose money or get swindled, but who really cares at this point? If you want my money COME AND GET IT YOU DOGS!!