SECOND CLOCK™

What do you get when you spend decades suppressing feelings and relying on logic and compassion to accept other's truth and beliefs... Not a lot. Embracing my feelings would guide me back to me.

What if Having It All was not about having things at all? What if being Selfish but fair was the way?

I always thought that if I could understand someone's story then I could empathize with the reasons people do the things they do, or say the things they say. All this awareness would help me navigate them better, or so I thought. Then I realized a blindspot in my thinking. I would never know if someone could feel.

Growing up we adapt to fit in with your family, friends, in school and at work. For some, the cost of fitting in means abandoning parts of ourselves, so we can show up for others. As we move away from checking in our needs we assume the role of people pleasing. I reflect on what it took to adapt into a people pleaser and now how to get out of being one.

People daydream about being free from the life as they know it, but what does that look like after marriage and having kids? Going from experiencing the conventional path to now what, can be complicated to figure out. Now that you are free from the birdcage, how different do you want to design your life, that is the complex question.

Little by little the distraction are no longer sought after, and as they fade away, it is just you. Here's to exploring parts of ourselves, in the quit.

When does a relationship end, is it a slow decline or an abrupt shift? For me it was neither. It came in an intuitive whisper and my acceptance that my former spouse had detached from me came in a simple gesture. Through a series of acceptances we could let go and focus on continuing being partners in parenting.

Reflecting on where you came from and where you are at puts things into perspective.

My journey to inner peace took 22 years, several friends, books and time in reflection and then one day my peace was found.

You hear people talk about going "off-line" and "disconnecting" so I tried it. One, because I wanted to go back to a time when I owned my time rather than my phone owning it and two, I wanted to see what life was like with less distraction. Here is what I learned from trying.

In every journey you come to a crossroad and things can get easier or harder. In my life's journey I have found myself confronted with new beginnings and starting over and sometimes being in the unknown is a peaceful place to be.

Love Bombers and Fantasy-Dwellers enjoy bringing you into their world of Illusion. At first you can be flattered, as you are showered with attention and the red carpet is rolled out for you, but as easy as the attention is given it is taken away.

Sometimes the hardest thing is to let go of a dream, a wish, a desire and hope. The fantasy of an outcome can make us hold on far longer than our logical mind cares to. It is only when reality fades into sight that letting go becomes the option.

When I started dating I found myself caught up in guys future plans for us. Little by little I came to find that most of it was just talk. But why would they do this? All these fake future plans intrigued me and I needed to understand the role I played and how not to get played.

One year in and I have learned a lot. There have been fun bits, bad bits and the messy bits in between. Here I explore the messy side of dating. From the virtual penpals, catfish, flakes, bread-crumbers, love bombers and the ghosts.

You hear buzz words all the time and they start to blend together, so what does it take to get a term to stand out and be owned? Well, in my case it would take a man from “down under” to shine a light on what I failed to see.

When you date in the "Wild" a first impression is based on how someone looks, their body language, and the way they interact with you. You can decide then and there if you want to see this person again. Dating in the "Virtual Jungle" creates a series of first impressions, with time for you to learn every step of the way. With this pyramid of first impressions , all culminating...

After a Life Leap, like mine, you can find yourself Dreaming again. It is a time for childhood wonder. Reset your clock and dream a little dream with me.

What does it take to be a B*tch?

Over the last year and a half I have made a flurry of changes and discoveries, but one question remains unanswered, "What Do You Want?" This seemingly simple question proved to be anything but simple. Sometimes we get lost in everything people say we should want and lose site of what we actually want. So now I explore it all. I give myself permission to change my mind, challenge expectat...

Sometimes it takes a stranger to show you, YOU. Once I saw myself through these men’s eyes I could not unsee it. Following these experiences, I questioned what kept me playing small for all these years, and what I would need to do to reclaim myself.

After being jolted awake by a toxic person, who had perfectly played the role of my friend, he couldn’t hide his true nature for long. When his façade washed away, it left me confronted with the knowledge that you do not know what a person is capable of, until you know. Through this relationship I could finally see, create boundaries and learn.

When I started dating again my world opened up. I was meeting new people, learning about them and more about myself. Sometimes the dates workout well and you walk away with a second date and sometimes you leave knowing you will never see this person again, but if you are lucky, you learn. On this date I learned.  

When I was married and would go out with my single friends, I saw endless possibilities for them and I saw fun, but when I would look at them, they would be lost in dread and fear. It was amazing how differently we saw things. When it was my turn to date again, I wanted the process to be fun. Here is my account of what reentering the dating world looked like for me.

I spent a lot of time trying to be who other people wanted me to be. Scared to change or let people know that I had changed. I tucked a lot away and labeled some things shameful. I am not alone in this. I found that every time I shared something that I had previously kept in my "shame box" it freed a part of me.