Say The Things

In today's episode, I explore how our past experiences—our "scars"—influence our daily interactions and relationships, drawing insights from the fascinating Dartmouth University "Scar Experiment" from the 1980s. I share personal stories about my own triggers, from aggressive honking on the road to my defensive reactions with my son and colleagues, to illustrate how we often respond not just to pre...

Exploring the distinction between intentional ignorance and willful blindness, this episode delves into how we often choose to ignore uncomfortable truths that could disrupt our comfort. Through examples ranging from the 2008 housing crisis to our personal relationships with food, technology, and sleep, we examine how rationalization becomes willful blindness's constant companion. The episode chal...

In this episode, I explore the concept of shadow work and how it relates to decision-making, especially in our most important relationships. I share my personal struggles with my daughter and how past experiences influence our interactions. Using the analogy of a photo library, I discuss how we assign meaning to different aspects of our lives and the importance of bringing our hidden parts into th...

In this episode, I process through the concept of living life in "portrait mode" - a photography-inspired approach to focusing on what truly matters.   Join me as I explore practical ways to shift from a scattered "photo mode" existence to a more centered, purposeful "portrait mode" life. This episode is for anyone feeling overwhelmed and seeking to realign their focus with their true priorities....

In this episode, I revisit the importance of routines and processes in our daily lives. I break down key components of morning, evening, and workday routines, emphasizing how they can boost productivity and reduce stress. I also discuss decluttering - physical, emotional, and mental - as a way to create more space and clarity in our lives. Finally, I share some productivity hacks like time blockin...

In this episode, I wrap up our series on ways we make our lives more challenging than necessary. I explore several topics including letting go of control, overcoming fear of change, nurturing friendships, asking for help, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I also discuss the importance of avoiding overcommitment, moving past regrets, and nurturing our passions. Throughout the episode, I offer pra...

In this week's episode, I'm diving into three more sneaky ways we make life harder for ourselves: negativity bias, all-or-nothing thinking, and not advocating for ourselves. I break down why our brains love to focus on the negative, how black-and-white thinking sets us up for failure, and why speaking up for ourselves is crucial (but often scary). As always, I'm sharing practical tips to help you...

In this episode, I discuss three more habits that can make our lives more difficult: recognizing burnout, prioritizing self-care, and accepting our flaws. I emphasize the importance of acknowledging burnout, taking breaks, and practicing self-compassion. I also highlight how accepting our imperfections can free us from unrealistic standards and allow us to focus on what truly matters. This episode...

The 4 -year anniversary of this podcast coincides with the 15-year anniversary of my dad's passing, I find myself reflecting on the profound impact he had on my life. Though the pain of his loss will never fully subside, I take comfort in the lasting legacy he left behind - his kindness, wisdom, and unwavering support that continue to guide me even in his absence. Listen in this short episode refl...

In this episode, I reflect on how my life has unfolded in the last four years, and how I never could have predicted the challenges and growth I've experienced. Practicing forgiveness, learning to be true to myself has been the foundation that has sustained me through difficult times. I encourage you to embrace the ups and downs of life, to show up authentically, and to focus on their own journey r...

In today's episode, I explore the challenge of receiving love, especially for those who identify as givers. I delve into why we often resist receiving and share signs that indicate this resistance. I discuss the concept of selfless versus otherish givers, drawing insights from Adam Grant's book "Give and Take." I offer practical advice on how to become better at receiving, including tips on accept...

In this episode of our summer series on life lessons, I dive into the topic of conflict. Drawing from Mark Twain's wisdom, I explore why healthy conflict is essential for personal growth and stronger relationships. I share insights on approaching conflict with curiosity and openness, emphasizing the importance of focusing on solutions rather than winning. Join me as I reflect on my own experiences...

In this episode, I explored the distinction between sharing personal stories and gossiping, inspired by Anne Lamott's quote about owning our stories. I discuss various factors that differentiate gossip from storytelling, such as intent, focus, and emotional content. To help navigate this line, I offered key questions we can ask ourselves about our motivations and the potential impact of sharing in...

In this episode, I dive into the age-old adage "actions speak louder than words" and how it applies to our relationships and personal growth. I explore how different personality types, based on the Myers-Briggs system, tend to align (or misalign) their words and actions. I also discuss three personality disorders where intentional misalignment between words and actions is common. Finally, I offer...

In this episode, I discuss the importance of recognizing red, yellow, and green flags in relationships and friendships. I break down what these different flags look like - green flags indicating healthy behavior, yellow flags suggesting caution is needed, and red flags signaling deal-breakers or abuse. I emphasize that red flags don't change or diminish, so we need to uphold our standards instead...

In this episode, I discuss the tendency to complain or make petty comments on social media platforms, rather than collaborating or bringing value. I question why we feel the need to share certain things online that we wouldn't say in person, and whether we are truly engaging to share knowledge or just seeking an echo chamber. Ultimately, I urge listeners to think critically before posting and ask...

In this episode, I discuss ways we can all get along better, like assuming positive intent from others, being mindful of how social media makes me feel, picking my battles wisely, and embracing more whimsy and laughter in our life instead of taking everything so seriously. I encourage listeners to pause from the seriousness, do things their soul loves, and find ways to enjoy the summer days more.

Today we consider how our perceptions of loved ones can change when the way we feel toward them changes, leading to a discussion about recognizing unresolved issues in relationships. I share what I spent years pretending not to know, unhappiness in my former marriage, and encourages open communication, seeking help, and deciding if you want to heal or move on from an unfulfilling relationship. Ult...

Today, we wrap up the series on work-life balance/cohesion by using the analogy of a yoga dancer's pose. Just as finding balance in the pose requires grounding one foot while reaching with the other, allowing opposing forces of stretching and constricting, achieving harmony in life is about being grounded in your values while allowing yourself to be pulled in new directions. It's an ongoing practi...

Today's episode explores cultural concepts from Japan, Norway, Denmark, and Finland that offer new perspectives on achieving work-life harmony or "cohesion." It introduces the Japanese concept of ikigai,   the Swedish principle of lagom, the Norwegian/Swedish appreciation for nature called friluftsliv, and the Danish idea of hygge. I encourage listeners to reflect on how adopting elements of these...

Today's episode explores the concept of "work-life balance" or what I prefer to call "work-life cohesion." It starts by questioning if true balance really exists, given the complexities and ever-changing forces in our lives. The episode then provides seven areas to focus on to improve cohesion without adding more to one's schedule. It also addresses common misconceptions about work-life balance. T...

This episode discusses the importance of having a coded way to reach out to close friends when going through struggles or needing support, without having to explicitly state it. It is inspired by an anecdote about using the phrase "Do you have 8 minutes?" to signal the need for a supportive conversation. Listeners are encouraged to come up with similar codes with their friends to differentiate cas...

The podcast episode celebrates Mother's Day by focusing on the importance of self-care for women, whether they are mothers or not. It starts with a poem that encourages listeners to listen to their bodies' needs. We then discuss seven simple ways to prioritize self-care without adding more to the to-do list. Small, sustainable habits in these areas can lead to significant improvements in well-bein...

The podcast concludes the series on disappointment in relationships by exploring the remaining three areas where disappointment can lodge itself - comparison, unresolved conflict, and lack of self-care/boundaries. It then provides practical strategies to deal with disappointment, including communicating expectations, focusing on personal growth, modeling desired behavior, and allowing space to lea...

This episode discusses the role of unmet expectations and communication breakdowns in causing disappointments in relationships. It highlights the importance of setting realistic expectations based on the other person's behavior and clearly communicating needs. The concept of radical acceptance for people with antagonistic personalities is also introduced. Strategies for minimizing disappointment t...