Rivertales: A Riverdale Podcast

It’s been 4 million years since the hiatus and we’re ready to get into our lack of knowledge about popcorn brands, eating drug-laced fries, the threat of a superhero crossover, rotisserie chicken corpses, Australian opals, and our first audience member special guest, boyfriend Billy!

In this episode we talk about real and fake drugs, breaking out of prison for the Scoops, things not being there until the plot demands it, how Charles has serial killer genes, once again forgetting Toldedo, and asking the question of “what is a minion, if not a bro with low self esteem?”

In this episode we talk about blood types, where Junkyard Santa’s accent comes from, how true love can save Betty from Dark Betty, why the principal’s being such a dick, how Muzzy is the best English teacher, but when we get to that gun… you can jump on it.

In this episode we talk about the steam room set piece, Sam’s spoon party idea, Veronica’s following on Ninstagram, Archie’s extensive knowledge of construction, what a spaceship sounds like, and forgetting about Kevin.

This episode’s a little different, it includes snippets of a lost episode detailing episode 6 “Back to School” in which we switched up the hosting in a way that just didn’t transcend, but not to worry because we fully get into episode 7 "Fire in the Sky" in which we dive into an orthodontist swamp, Hiram’s potential space laser, awkward teenage/adult dance battles, ACTUAL ALIENS, and our new favor...

In this episode we talk about nice gangs, Veronica putting “cheerleader” on her resumé, a big shower moment, Polly’s stupid crimped hair, the return of Veronica’s wig, Hiram’s evil plans, and Reggie’s Pinterest board full of Danny DeVito.

Greetings from the future! We’re finally at the time jump so we’re unpacking things from hair choices, Toni doing a pregnant Slave 4 U dance, Veronica selling jewelry but edgy, whether or not Jughead has glasses, THE ACCIDENT, plus we finally find out how many words Kevin said!

In this episode we talk about Toledo, the toe ring Veronica got Archie, a rant about Jughead without his hat, setting Alice up with a new man, our lack of geopolitical knowledge, and how much we stan bus drivers.

In this episode we talk about the fake Lilli Reinhardt interview, Veronica finally taking out the trash, Charles’ terrible character arch, Taylor Swift being the murderer, the return of the long lost uncle, and a game of Would You Rather!

It's the season premiere and we're finally caught up reporting live on the scene! In this episode we rank prom dresses, speculate on how Reggie switch brains with a dog, gritty CW reboots, and successfully predict the auteur storyline (sort of). Plus we test our knowledge on comic quotes versus TV quotes!

In this season finale episode, we discuss the quote on quote Lynchian themes, Archie’s serenades, Bughead being endgame, struggling with our clapper light, and finish things off with a Riverdale mad lib and predictions for season 5!

In this episode we dive deep and discuss the inner mechanisms of Jughead's attempted murder, what Hermosa is even doing here, how we would pee if we were stuck in a coffin, cringe-worthy musical moments, and how dinosaurs say "I love you."

In this triple-stacked, monster-mashed, New Years Eve episode we discuss Jughead's "death", introduce our new very expensive sound machine, the mystery of what state Riverdale is in, Hiram's mystery disease, and a fun game of "Wrong Answers Only!"

In this special quarantine edition, we Zoom chat over Riverdale Season 4 episodes 11 and 12! We discuss better names than the Brown Hood, ranking sandwich restaurants, looking up pictures of Caillou, the dumb uncle, and finish it off with a game of "Who Would Look Good with Bangs?"

In this episode, Elaine, Sam, and Keyona talk about the B-side of season 4, involving a cheerleading routine with a sports game in the background, Jason's big season 5 storyline, and cleansing the dark side of yourself by squirting hand sanitizer directly into your mouth.

Just in time for Thanksgiving, we're serving you a big plate of content involving bunny masks, smashing bottles. recreating musical themes, speculating Jason's personality, and a super fun game involving predictive text!

In this episode, Keyona, Sam, and Elaine discuss Jughead's real name, a weird fascination with a creepy cousin, the iconic new character Mr. Turtle, and Disney Channel crossover episodes.

It's spooky season! Elaine, Sam, and Keyona talk about Riverdale's Halloween episode, Veronica possibly committing murder, Archie's superhero storyline, being gay in the woods, and more! Wait, is this just another Riverdale podcast? No bitch, it's your sister.

Shirtless car washes, pizza deliveries gone wrong, corpse-dwelling rats, Faberge eggs, and ROCKETS?! This episode has too much of everything. Sam, Keyona, and Elaine unpack this iconic episode.

Sam, Keyona, and Elaine discuss episodes 1 and 2 of Season 4.