Retrograde Amnesia: Comprehensive JRPG Retrospective

Do not run on the floor. Instead, run your ears on observing infinite lives, hearing about the troops, declining a free drink, enriching lives, rendering pixel ass, making sure they're bug ladies and not bunny ladies, splitting the cave-computer binary, tying into Phantasy Star III, decaying orbit, merging two guys into one guy, rejecting the M.E.T.A. meta, becoming annoyed at the cultists, unitin...

We're ex-convicts, no one will marry us now. We're doomed to a life of observing the need to fix bridges, inhabiting a dead town, fearing dentist technology, bowling alone, refusing to trust the neighbors, Wet Banditing our own house, vomiting all over the wall, observing a fluid town, stealing husband's secret savings, losing a lot in translation, interpreting a poster, panty-raiding ourselves, s...

What on earth are you, and what is this place? To figure that out, we're doing it in the Birth Valley, re-entering the Techno Drome, expanding Chris' vocabulary, touring the Porsche factory, mixing monsters with machines, creating a bioactive environment, enjoying the Professor Holt bit, referencing Nei, citing sexy lady anime, determining the cat girl origin point, upsetting mother nature, stacki...

Somehow the body has become lighter. With your new carbon fiber ears, listen to us fading white, hiding Grandfather in the back, favoring the monger, reading lady numbers, deploying a custom animation, separating charge and information, making dirt wet for too long, accepting a Motavian party member, resolving the stone mustache, separating tears from sweat, violating a sacred area, knowing our li...

What a pig this dog is! Before experiencing canine pork, we're finding Krup stuck in our teeth, lying about our academic career, telling people where I hurt myself today, spreading religion, leaving the cabinets open, embracing orange soda genericism, disinheriting a son, harnessing the power of CRBN, teaching kids in the home, figuring out if we're using magic, shooting meat ropes, banishing the...

Well, Chaz, your brain seems to work a little bit. At least enough to listen as we're speaking with the beardy-guy-vestman, swallowing a town with quicksand, adding morality to terraforming, pounding Zima, performing a community raking service, experimenting with macros, stoning everyone in town, refusing to help orphaned children, discussing mustache petrification logistics, grifting Hahn, comica...

This monster business is no mystery after all. As we uncover the secrets, we're wondering if manga can be in color, installing headquarters in the basement, dropping multiple fishies, fingering to win, sweating to lose, producing the Venn diagram of veins and ticklers, conducting numerous brain activities, breeding monsters in the basement, teleporting before your eyes, hiding the basement situati...

I've always wanted to go to a Town of Learning, so we can learn to make a podcast of listening. We're talking about throwing away a cake, tolling the bell, fearing The Computer, Chaz'ing a Rudy, erecting character sprites, rendering a world beyond the Genesis, locking up books, flipping through options, buzzing off, measuring the dew point, learning Chris' biggest scholastic achievement, falling v...

On the second episode of our Phantasy Star IV background info, we're watching commercials in Japanese, realizing "cels" and "panels" are not interchangeable, looking at print ads, riding for Rick, revealing the dark phallus, appreciating the work of Boris Vallejo, speaking perfect french, traveling beyond history, citing The Cutting Room Floor, pacifying fans, filling batchin' samples, sleeping wa...

Hello and welcome to the first episode of our eighth season! We're covering Phantasy Star IV: The End of the Millennium for the next 25-to-70 weeks. On this two-parter of an intro episode, we're peeling the skin off the Fake Net, buying children a $212 videogame, charging more money for more megabits, realizing the Mega Drive was online in 1990, de-making to the NES, creating a million ports, over...

The game is over but the game is not over. One our final episode for season seven, we're smelling the ocean on the breeze, losing all MP, putting faith in our strength, spending our brains out, affirming Ghaleon's insanity, declaring Jessica Day, requesting an adult, creating an open door policy, realizing Luna has no idea what the hell Ghaleon was trying to do, starting Jessica's domestic educati...

I am disgraced yet again. Season seven continues with us listening to a death rattle, making sure the Ocarina is in Alex's pocket, assigning jealousy as a motive, dumbing ourselves down for women, desecrating her sanctum, fighting for the ones we love, getting a little action, wishing for stronger hints, realizing girlfriend might be a bomb, confirming girlfriend must stay god, winning with the po...

Do we care about the fate of the world? Hell no. We're only concerned with exploring the wasteland of the mind, imbibing the sweet nectar of the woman kind, conquering our greatest fears (again), escaping the maze of our wretched inner-selves, living in the body of a goddess, running out of unlimited time, correcting god, beholding the power of salvation, suffering a promo endurance round, perceiv...

Even if you wanted to make this a twist, there's nowhere to twist. Before we twist it off, we're revealing the secret true identity of Laike, speaking of plot elements specifically, giving it a yank, turning into a dragon, realizing the Grindery is a Frontier machine, once again imagining a more socially conscious game, consuming sleep medication, debating the ideal final dungeon, leaving our fate...

Nothing can justify what he has done. Nothing except us reacting incorrectly, marrying a child, debating Ghaleon's power, exhibiting egregious Mega Man 4 opinions, decoding sunscreen, obeying out of fear and not respect, rescuing a puppy, giving up the drink, realizing Nash deserves nothing, joining in the madness, favoring self determination, referencing "new types," streaming romantic rhetoric,...

Hey kids, weird day, huh? Days like this include human men delivering victory lines, jerking off after the massage, hacking through romance with a machete, losing the cut-scene, ditching the Vader outer wear, failing to keep up with the lore, forming the N.W.O., retiring the Dragon Master gear, sleeping for three days, distinguishing pudding from a smoothie, recognizing Negative Attitude Man, susp...

Has anyone told you that you're gorgeous? It's true, as obvious as when we're rolling a turd, suffering a pincer attack, wishing there were anime in an anime moment, yanking off nipples, adapting dragon technology, vowing to stop a cretin, stumbling into a fairy garden, chafing at a wicked manner, laying off the goblin workforce, shopping at Home Depot, peeling back Chris' Secret Garden meta layer...

What kind of hero are you if you can't protect my balloons? Apparently the kind that likes suppressing emotion, drunken-smacking monsters, witnessing a death plunge, wondering where home is, making wings out of fluffy bugs, committing a modern hate crime, spiraling through Paxton/Pullman delirium, losing the power to firm and tone, moving into an empty house, corrupting another save file, using ma...

This is not the time to get freaky. Ears can't even do that, but they can hear us resting in a slumber of our design, witnessing a world history event, birthing the Grindery, thinking of the Death Star workers, combining steam with magic, yearning for the True Power of Vane, using a super move reluctantly, testing the limits of forgiveness, working hands to the nape of her neck, making an importan...

This is not a place of contention. It's a place of listening, and learning while we're removing the lesbians, damseling workers, assuring the quality of our plumbing, destroying a different black dragon, growing dirt guys, talking to eggs, waiting for a heel to turn face, requiring god juice to live, seeking Althena's light, understanding the goblin plight, finding the soul of the ethos in NPCs, p...

What's up pixel perverts? Today we're blighting the surface for undesirables, rapidly switching discs, realizing the guards can hit, scraping metal out of the dirt, locating the only doctor in the world, experiencing goblin poetry, refusing to serve drinks to miners, dreaming of D Block, goofing into a slur, beating the prisoners, staring down a moral choice, changing hearts and minds, rushing the...

You're prisoners of foolish ambition. You're consumers of the pod, an episode in which we're smelling so sweetly, waiting for Kyle to say it, finally realizing what we should have known, using ass-beating thoughts as a coping mechanism, fighting out of duty, living in the present, becoming a character, deploying a maximally appropriate sound effect, executing the double betrayal, leering at a brom...

Mutant League Football and Mutant League Hockey were convergence points across gross out children's toys, gratuitous video game violence, and those who dared to dream up sports games for kids who weren't especially interested in sports. But is it bad when the toilet produces more than it consumes? Eric thought about this for the last five months. It's the fourth episode of Infinite Perfect. 00:00:...

I wanna see some skull. Down in that bone zone, we're coming up with magic city protection spells, wearing villain attire, contemplating infinity, making mother look so afraid, seeking the emasculation of self, crying in baby poop, dropping trou, becoming an honorary citizen of Lann, wearing an everybody magnet, loving Whitney Houston, building machines to travel underwater, talking to everyone ev...

Shut your sass hole, buddy. From our sass holes we bequeath denying god's light from the Frontier, showing off our new clothes to everyone in the world, learning more about Alex's Dad's Son's Sister Girlfriend, failing to show love in action, doing weird shit with butter and rubber bands, foreshadowing Nash via doomerism, continuing the denture saga, discussing tortoise turds, telling the same sto...