Quick Hits

Bonnie Sussman-Versace started us off by talking about giving someone else the gift of doing the thing you really enjoy or that you feel you are really good at rather than seeing it as handing off grunt work. That opens the door to the mindset that delegating isn’t a horrible thing.   Dave Roberts went next and shared a story about a boss and mentor he had as an addictions counselor which highligh...

When I asked this question, I was a little bit concerned that everyone was just going to agree that being good at communication was the top skill and that would be that. But it wasn’t even on the list of things these three guys brought to the discussion.   Mark Iorio started us off by saying resourcefulness was a top skill. The ability to be open-minded and take on new ideas and solutions.   Ian H...

Elissa Hecker started us off with a story about how a new boss ruined an organization by being directive rather than mentoring. She found that scolding rather than teaching when mistakes happen is a difference between accountability and bullying.   Jim Tam agreed adding that intent is also part of it. If your goal is to make yourself look good by pointing out that other people aren’t meeting expec...

Lisa McDonald started us off strong: “It’s not boasting. It’s telling your story.” She learned to advocate for herself by getting out of an abusive relationship. She suggests rather than saying, “I'm great in this” say, “here's how I serve someone else.” This is self-advocating because as you're demonstrating how your value impacts other people.   Glady Baradaran went next saying you can have both...

In this conversation it was clear that we had very different life experiences. How you answer this question differs depending on whether you are in academia, the military or the business world.   Wayne Buckhanan started us off by saying if you are stuck under someone not doing their job, you match their level of incompetence. It it’s a peer, box them off so they can’t do too much damage and do the...

Kevin Wash started us off with a story that too many of us had experienced. He was asked for a proposal and the potential client kept coming back to him for more information and in the end, they decided they had enough to just do it themselves and not pay him. (Further into the conversation he said, “Needy means greedy” and that sums it up well.)   In a positive turn, they did have to come back to...

All three of the panelists started by saying they try to be curious first. What else is going on in the person’s life that they aren’t able to do the thing they said they would? What support might they need? How can we bring this person around so they can do the thing?   Try to meet people where they are.   There is also something to be said for the relationship you have with the other person. If...

Fallon Siniscarco started us off by talking about how cliques can make someone feel like they are superior or better than other people.   Kim Clark went next talking about cliques in the workplace and how the use of acronyms and are jargon that outsiders don’t understand could be a way to notice you’re in a clique.   Stewart Wiggins then asked a provocative question – Are cliques a bad thing or ar...

When I first started my business, I thought I had to be uber professional. I shared almost nothing about me, my life or my story with clients or potential clients. But it felt very sterile and it didn’t make people feel safe or like they could trust me.   Now I am more open and share stories about my past but nothing about what is going on now because I don’t want my clients to feel like they have...

This is an interesting question to ask when I do communication and conflict resolution workshops because most people have never thought about their conflict style per se.   Fortunately, my panelists were able to articulate their styles.   Brandon Mahoney started us off by sharing that his style has evolved over time (mind has too – a lot!) and he has settled on a somewhat collaborative style. Try...

This conversation was WAY harder than I expected it to be. We have all be in many situations where there was a conflict involved several people. But the only real helpful solution is to be proactive.   Todd Karges brought it up towards the middle of the discussion. You have to have an upfront agreement (I call it a Team Communication Fingerprint) so you have something to hold people accountable to...

Racquelle Pakutz started us off with the warm fuzzies of feeling good about putting good into the world. Being a heartfelt leader, she believes it comes back to her. She added the concrete benefit of growing her network.   Jim Tam stepped up next to say the benefit he gets for his thought leadership, particularly on LinkedIn, is that people either validate what he is thinking or challenge him and...

Dina Perreault started us off by putting a stake in the sand saying that she sees sugarcoating as misleading, potentially manipulative and condescending. She would much rather you come right out and say exactly what you need to say. Be diplomatic, sure. But sugar coating only belongs on a doughnut.   Don Gleason quoted Dave Ramsey, “To be unclear is to be unkind.” He went further to say he feels p...

Of course, any conversation about cliques has to have a reference to the movie Mean Girls and that is how this conversation started. But, as we explained further into the conversation, cliques aren’t just about women/girls.  Cliques are a human condition.   Elissa Hecker started us off by saying that cliques is a derogatory term and that they are exclusionary. Some people are not allowed in.   Bru...

It is a common narcissistic trait – they get you to trust them so you will feel comfortable sharing your deepest stories and even trauma with them. Then they use that information against you.   I have personal experience with this as my ex-husband was the king of this technique. Something I didn’t think to mention during the conversation, if someone is sharing other people’s secrets, trauma or sto...

The two panelists started this conversation on opposite sides of the spectrum.   Kevin Wash gave the example of a heart surgeon – you want them to be really good at what they do and be super confident in their skills. He further pointed out that with his work, his clients should know within seven working days if he can back up his swagger with action.   Coach M J Tolan took the other side with the...

When I asked this question, I didn’t think about all the different situation where it could apply; online, family, friends, coworkers, boss, peer, employees, colleagues – the list goes on.   And each relationship makes the answer to this question a little bit different. How much do you care about the person who has the problem? Some random keyboard vigilante? Who cares. Someone you love dearly, th...

I realized over the course of this conversation that it is never about me wanting to slide down to someone else’s level of behavior. Instead it is about wanting them to come up and join me on the high road. (I shared a personal story about that during the discussion.   Stewart Wiggins brought it up first and we all agreed, letting go of an argument is something we learned to be better at with age....

There always seems to be that one person for whom life is absolutely horrible and getting worse and they can’t wait to tell you all about it and drag you down the road of misery with them.   Bonnie Sussman-Versace started us off by sharing that she used to be that person and it took someone pulling her aside and saying, “Hey do you realize…” before she even noticed it.   Now she uses the physical...

I’ve noticed that I have recently done several Quick Hits about things that I thought would go away  when I graduated from high school – bullying, peer pressure and today, gossip.   But sadly, they are alive and well in the adult world.   During this discussion Simon Coles and I talked specifically about the Better Conversations course. You can learn more about it here: https://betterconversations...

The panelists in this discussion provided some really good, personally tested ideas for disagreeing.   Brandon Mahoney started us strong by suggesting that sharing that he has found it useful to provide some context and reason behind why he is disagreeing rather than just drawing a line in the sand and walking away.   Iris Culp shared some wisdom from her grandmother, “A person convinced against t...

Philip Tate started us with a story from his agency days where the big boss made an inappropriate comment to someone. Philip brought the meeting to a quick close. But then, rather than calling the boss out he called him in.   Meaning he had a conversation with him in private and explained why hie behavior was inappropriate.   Fortunately, the boss was mortified and called to apologize.   Bonnie Su...

Dr Jesse Carrie shared that when he was in grad school, he used to wear Hawaiian shirts. He stood out but maybe wasn’t taken as seriously as he could have been. He noticed when he got out of school and could afford better clothing, he was taken more seriously.   Laura Agafitei agreed. Saying that she is quite tall for a woman (5’11”) and that she often felt awkward for standing out as a teenager....

Todd Karges suggested that it could be that they do have “values” to treat people well but that doing that conflict with their other value to make as much money as possible. (He was not suggesting that as an excuse to treat people poorly.)   Brandon Mahoney said what many of us were thinking – the values on the website are just there to make the company look good. Inside they all know it’s hogwash...

Oh man this conversation got spicy.   Lauren Schieffer started us off with no hold barred – “You tell the truth.”   From a marketing and PR perspective Rick Alcantara agreed.   And as Kevin Wash pointed out, if you tell the truth, you never have to try and remember who you told what.   But, does the truth mean airing people’s dirty laundry? Kevin Wash shared a story about someone introducing a wom...