PsycHacks

In honor of my father's 75th birthday, I'm going to talk about one of his favorite concepts: the prison planet. Once you accept the fundamental premise of this model, a great deal of human suffering – past and present – begins to make sense. People exist in various degrees of unfreedom, and no one quite remembers how this happened. By understanding the nature of existence, we can make better choic...

If you're fishing for relationships, you have to bait your hook – because fish don't bite steel. Of course, this runs the risk of being exploited for your bait. However, you can significantly reduce the likelihood of this occurring with a little common sense. Just remember that you can't dictate what fish are supposed to like. Bait your hook appropriately and you'll never be at a loss for food. Th...

Many young people are in search of the spark: a certain quickening of the blood that supposedly indicates that they've found “the one.” However, dating for feels generally only makes any sense if certain conditions are met. Assuming the spark is a kind of signal detection software for your unconscious love template, following this feeling only “works” if you had a good model to begin with. Otherwi...

The mission of this channel is to reduce unnecessary human suffering, and one way to do this is through a proper understanding of evil. One underappreciated source of evil is dread: the deeply unnerving uncertainty that attends awareness of our mortality. Attempts to both avoid dread and foreclose on it create a good deal of misery in the world. However, alternatives exist that can make life less...

The sight of a crying woman can be a source of great distress for a man, which can motivate him to do all kinds of things he wouldn't ordinarily do in order to “make her feel better.” However, in most cases, there is typically nothing to be done. She can cry, and she is entitled to her feelings. This is dealing with an emotional woman. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my...

A great deal of the unnecessary suffering on this planet arises from inappropriate identification, which leads to narcissistic injury. A way to prevent this from occurring is to consider the idea that you are a parking space. Rather than identifying with anything that resides there, you can see yourself as the container which holds what you temporarily have. This is how to suffer less. Join my com...

As a man, it is your job to convey sexual intent in the early stages of the courtship process, and this is done most effectively using non-verbal forms of communication. Today, I'm going to be describing – and demonstrating – “the look:” a way of looking at women that cultivates sexual tension without being creepy. Learn to speak with your eyes – as your mouth is better served for other things. Jo...

When caught in the jaws of life, it is immensely useful to practice the art of surrender. In so many words, this is the art of waking up to the fact that your helplessness and powerlessness are nothing new. You've always ever been in the passenger seat – and that's okay. By practicing this art before you need it, you'll be better equipped to make use of it when the time comes. This is how to let g...

Mark my words. AI relationships will be commonplace by the end of this decade, and these agents will soon constitute the sexual marketplace's most threatening competition. Given that most relational needs are psychological, the mind does not need ontologically objective means to satisfy them. And AI agents will likely create less unnecessary suffering and relational chaos than other relational alt...

The Pinocchio story teaches us that men might have to pass through a trial to become fully human. Similarly, women might have to go through an ordeal of their own in order to attain to their full humanity. I call this the Scarlett effect, as it is exemplified in the character arc of Margaret Mitchell's Scarlett O'Hara. Only when broken by life does Scarlett become fully human. This is the process...

Everything in this world has a cost, and the price of safety is civility. In order to live in society, the more powerful have to be induced to not impose upon the less powerful – an arrangement the less powerful have traditionally bought with respect. Reneging on this agreement is a form of tempting fate. In choosing between the man or the bear, women often select the option they've provoked the l...

Almost every dating coach tells his or her clients not to chase the opposite sex. However, if both sides listened to this advice, wouldn't that lead to a stand-off in the sexual marketplace? It would, if both sides were indefinitely equal with respect to their power balance – and this is not the case. In general, the more powerful force the less powerful to act. This is the power of attractiveness...

Many women incorrectly believe that sleeping with a man will decrease the likelihood that he consider her as a long-term prospect. However, this is not true. In some cases, the sex is the most positive aspect of the nascent relationship. The reason why women get ghosted after sex is because they've anchored their opportunity at too high a price point. Men who don't return have decided that the wom...

It took nearly dying on the adventure of a lifetime for Samwise Gamgee to make a move on Rosie Cotton. The hack to overcoming your approach anxiety is to build a habit of doing more difficult things: a conclusion that is borne out by one of my favorite psychology experiments, the study of the two bridges. If talking to a woman is the scariest thing you do today, you may need to evaluate your life...

Many women believe that initiating a sexual relationship too quickly will disqualify them from a long-term relationship: no one-night stands! However, this is not true. In today's dating scene, sex precedes commitment. Therefore, functionally all relationships begin as one-night stands: as a single event without the guarantee of a repeat performance. On the other hand, creating arbitrary rules abo...

It is a commonly-held belief that men who are not serious about a woman's long-term commitment should leave her be – especially in her 30s. Don't waste her time! However, disqualifying men because they will not comply with a woman's time line is a poor dating strategy. Good things take time – irrespective of when they are begun. This is how women set themselves up to fail: they attempt too many pr...

There is evidence to suggest that men need respect in a sexual relationship more than they need love. However, many women legitimately don't know how to respect a man. In today's episode, I will lay bare the core of respect, the essential element without which no respect exists: obedience. By approaching the O word, women can learn how to have more peaceful and satisfying relationships with the me...

Since men and women gatekeep different aspects of a relationship – commitment and sex, respectively – the burden of effort over the course of a courtship falls on the one who is actively trying to be let in. It's not just women who perform emotional labor in dating. It take a lot of work for men to initiate the sexual relationship. However, there is an imbalance in getting vs. keeping: the cost of...

Most men are a woman's option – not her priority. And many are complicit in relegating themselves to this role. In today's episode, I discuss how over-pursuing and over-committing lead to suboptimal outcomes. If you want to get what you want, don't be her option. Giving too much, too soon is why you get left on read. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of...

To get what you want in life, it is helpful to cultivate a “fuck you” attitude, that is: the capacity to go without the support or approval of others. However, it may be even more helpful to cultivate a “fuck me” attitude to achieve your dreams. This is the ability to consciously override the habits and preferences that block your effective action. This is how to accelerate your growth: go fuck my...

In this third installment on my series on male sexuality, I discuss another reason why men lose interest in sex: love. Like it or not, a good deal of male arousal is predicated on objectification. Once a man begins to care for the person inside the body, the sexual act is increasingly divested of its aggressive element, which can vitiate the experience. This is the Madonna/Whore Complex, and it af...

Despite appearances to the contrary, there are many men today who believe in magic. That is, they believe that marrying a woman will solve the problems that exist in their relationship. In this case, marriage isn't the answer. It's important to understand that any problems that exist in the courtship stage – unburdened, as it is, from any real responsibility – will only worsen in the context of ma...

In my second episode on the subject, I discuss another variable antagonistic to male sexuality: habituation. For better or worse, men – or males, more generally – are biologically programmed to spread their seed. This strategy is supported by the Coolidge Effect, which is a psychological phenomenon that makes novel sexual opportunities appear more attractive to men. The allure of the new is a powe...

Tea, a popular new app that purports to “make dating safer for women,” has (deservedly) received a lot of backlash in recent weeks. In this episode, I argue that Tea – and apps like it – have the potential to sever a dating market that is already only hanging on by a thread. Rather than dissuading bad actors, these apps are more likely to terrify good ones. When the risk-reward profile of dating w...

Just like there are many different ways to structure a company, there are many different ways to structure a romantic relationship. Today I discuss two of the most common such structures: pet and partner. One is not necessarily better than the other, and there are pros and cons to each. It's important to consider your needs closely, because you can't have it both ways. By matching the revealed pow...