Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak

Walking around like a mouthguard cooling into position. Prostrating before nature, bulking the facial muscles, and making money in the rock climbing position. There’s no WiFi in the Scottish caves. A crazy amount of ice, clanging against itself. Endlessly reproducing the past—the spectacle of continuation. One Skin: For a limited time, you can try OneSkin with 15% off using code HAGS at oneskin.co...

Grumpy on a plane, the wheels retract like a stuck garage. Something off at the front desk and scared of an upgrade. The foot de-gloved. Over-ordering in a new town. Take the comforts where and when you can. Rediagnosed by every book. The airport lounge at capacity. Overnight flight, no lodging when you hit the ground. Saved by new brows. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at Quince.com...

The only thing worse than a bad show is a good show. The facts are the facts. The king leaves less floor room. Incoming hotel room calls. Ceremonial piss. Moved by soft technology. Attractive words. Contact stress. Watch the little lady go by. Medieval beans. Hoping for miracles day-of. Third eye pinned open by Insta. Danger, danger, danger. Kate tricks the algorithm with her perverse curiosity. G...

Midnight birthday wish and the somber passage into a new day. Ojai as a Spiritual Vortex where an absence of Airbnbs proves relevant to transcendence. A light champagne pour, to sing for another table, a new blush. Kate discovers the  'Instapot:'  wonders, cackling in the frozen vegetable aisle. The writer's booth at the local bar for Jacqueline, the mysterious regular. Digging deeper on the probl...

Journal around the neck. Two wet lips on the cheeks. God, Coca-Cola, Titanic, Titan Submersible. Thrown from a desk twice. Two seconds of terror. Mangled loosely in the chair. Rivers of time. Manifesting the past. Dodging embarrassment, into the riptide. Constant fear of the light-colored sofa. Oneskin: Get 15% off OneSkin with the code HAGS at https://www.oneskin.co/   #oneskinpod Quince: Go to Q...

The glory of a thin book. A wild outsider. The cruelty to our mothers. Cryptic texting. Ironic consumption of dinosaurs. When I need you, you provide nothing? By the way, here they come. Chocolate soup. Turn the bowl upside-down. Where is Souen West? The nap that comes from reading. Looking for hostility. 99 out of 100 people don’t win the raffle. Getting the works.    🎙️ Rate and Review.  🌟 Prem...

Careful you don’t get Max’d. Jumping on the ground to achieve a euphoric state. Tap, Tap, Tapping on the bones for strength. The sugar of the crowd, blood on the cave wall, and a spiritual logic. New client specials rock and they work. A meme enjoyed, supine as Clive Owen breaks through. Needless to Say, I Booked Elsewhere. Cozy Days Discount: Up to 45% off with code HAGS from July 11-13, 2025. DU...

The conduit burps continuously. Raising the liver. Feet tied at the bottom like a little bow. Lunch is an utter derailment. Hurting the hand while trying to move at the speed of one’s thinking. Huge eye roll to the camera in the corner. Passage of time strikes right in the heart. Another one about sex and boys? Mister Cabbage, it’s me. A woven placemat, a frame under the plate.  LYMA Laser Pro Tak...

Gonzo journalism. One sprig of parsley on every plane meal. Panic clouding the mind. The smell of the subway. Manifesting the illness, manifesting the solution. Hubris and negligence. A high self-diagnosis moment, proudly bearing pit stains.  Take the online quiz and introduce Ollie to your pet. Visit https://ollie.com/HAGS today for 60% off your first box of meals! #ToKnowThemIsToLoveThem Head to...

Scrolling during sex. The novelty of rice and pasta in a drawer. The four-hour facial. Old writerly Novak reemerges. Tits or gossip for a mere fifty bucks. Maintaining mood across centuries. A bespoke app. Praying for more. Unwashed throws.  ritual.com/HAGS Luxury shouldn't be out of reach. Go to cozyearth.com/HAGS for up to 40% off Cozy Earth’s best-selling temperature-regulating sheets, apparel,...

Is this thing on? Sifting through comments. How to make a dog from white rice. Eyes on the road, for once. Anxiety dissolves into freedom. Fun to buy or fun to own? Clear-headed about the paranormal. The allure of people and their workflows. Appealing sounds at The Garden. Infant jest.  Ollie Dog Food : Take the online quiz and introduce Ollie to your pet. Visit https://ollie.com/HAGS today for 60...

Our ancestors stood on rocks. Who wants to be our guinea pig? Forgetting within minutes about owning it. Food as a palliative. Fantasies about mechanical automation. Wildly signing up for services seeking pure objective truth.  A call down for a Nespresso machine. Aesthetic for cheap. Loretta Lynn suite.    🎙️ Rate and Review.  🌟 Premium Feed: Subscribe 🛍️ Shop Our Favorites: Shop My Store 👕 Off...

Button up, button down. The one traveling woman in the world. Is warrior the hardest pose? Submit to waiting. The name is a word. Kate gets on better terms with London food. Unfiltered Roman amaro. Brought to tears by good copywriting. That’s a star, who is that? The cough of a child.  Duckbill: Reclaim your time at getduckbill.com , and get 50% off your first 2 months with the code HAGS Ollie Dog...

The first cup of coffee is a doorway. Illegal tomato gallery in the fridge. Take the safety rails off the fidget spinner. Abandonment of the future self. There's no such thing as a dread-free artist. Get off the cross—we need the wood. Nursing Ascentia. So and so got up on the skis today for their first time. Cover the penalties later. Completely detach getting up from meaning. The Ecstatic experi...

The hippocampus 'delible after all? When there is no hack, just get it from the beet.  A glorious return policy, shadows on the face, and melting suede coat. Another appointment booked. Accessing hyperfixation, raising horses on organic feed for the makeup brushes.  KB in the fast lane, hands at 12 and 3. Kate’s Damn Tea. JN writing in Hudson. Six nights in a row at the same restaurant. Do not for...

JN’s back in the states but still living out of her European suitcase. Kate’s new cocktail.  A spiritual vapor, a bruised martini, a lemon tryst, and an evening prayer.  Dilution is key after JN spends time with a cookbook. Voicing your greatest fears in the Apple store. Is it really ever the jeans that you’re hoping for? We’re getting the fish. A warm Celsius. The Merrel effect. You should be stu...

Maintenance—it's not for all of us. The shock of girls being so messy. Can a nut milk ever be creamy? Kate's sudden interest in whole milk. The shape of the word despair. Intentionality visible in a hairstyle. We welcome all questions about the moon. Chips kept hot in a porcelain bowl over a flame. Beet red from anger or humiliation? Tap, tap, tap—making choices. Our commitment to dramatic narrati...

Both hags are stateside. Jacqueline comes at you from her childhood home. Kate shares her neurologist’s three pieces of parting advice. Something’s special is happening in a jar of non-organic Almond butter. A favorite barrier gel cream, smaller microphones, and weeping in JFK. In Act 4’s Product Corner (premium subscriptions only) Kate’s new preferred electrolyte is revealed and Jacqueline teases...

Jacqueline has made it "home" to her preferred London rental after a harrowing journey through Ireland and Amsterdam*. Kate has left London where she saw the second ghost of her life and sawed through a grisly steak at a beloved restaurant. Which do you fear more? Oversalted or undersalted. Negotiating the greek drama of which hag was spared a cold or fated to have one. Bemoaning the phones, the f...

The hags are in Europe. Jacqueline joins from a hotel room in Dublin, sick with a cold, praying to angels. Kate joins from London where in a state of suspension, she lives out of one suitcase and between two rooms. Bless the body when it does its job. Rumor is drain the necks. Decision-induced euphoria. Morsels of freedom. ‘Scuse me, ‘scuse me, I've got a show’ mode. An idea: institute draino betw...

With the "States" forgotten, Jacqueline and Kate are both in London, dealing with restaurant "bookings." An animal darts past Jacqueline explaining the screeches from the night before. Kate's suffering - broken headphones - needs to be witnessed by three.  Competitive airplane seat wipe down. One-shot television. Name-brand meds hidden in a teddy bear.  Two Y2K cameras found at Portobello Market. ...

Jacqueline gets a fly fisherman’s vest to avoid crossing rooms while Kate diligently prepares for travel. The morning shed trend and how to use an hour? Two pomodoros or (10 +2)5. Kate asserts her place in line and immediately regrets it. Swallowed by a whale, you remain inside life. The daily reminder that it’s darkest before dawn. Adopting a mother and son cat duo. A cat called Yardwork. Mistaki...

Kate texts Jacqueline whenever she drinks Celsius because it's that rare. Topical magnesium so special it’s kept in the back of Erewhon. To start a rumor you were cut out of The Brutalist. When Rocket Money points out you’re paying them monthly. Accepting your cold is the only way it lifts. A spaghetti squash is forever.    Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo...

Jacqueline overhears two energy healers talking shit about a third. Ego versus essence. Not everyone spends their time in the aisles of self-help. Admiring angry. A decorative rug in the bathroom versus an absorbent stone. When ginger chews took a town by storm. Milkshake on a long car ride. Kate needs a burger twice a month. Burning $500 in the woods is an active sacrifice. Is hot sauce humor the...

The human body can manage all manner of insults and injuries, but complimentary valet should be standard. Shiny versus glowy versus sliding down the hood of a car. Kate gets a hot towel at the barber shop. Jacqueline’s uncapped pen dries out. A Grecian marble wet t-shirt contest. Microdosing alcohol. A curly haircut takes three days to settle, but Kate needs someone to tell her it looks the same....