Playing With Fire

How much more satisfying would work be if you brought more of yourself into your work relationships? Joli talks with Beth Hankes (she/her) about the benefits of bringing your relational skills into the business environment. Beth is the Founder and CEO of Earth and Salt in Burlington, VT, whose mission is to see all people free to live in their pleasure. Join Beth's mailing list at earthandsalt...

Guess what they didn't teach us in school? HOW TO DATE. Much less how to date MINDFULLY. Even less-less when we are ready to date non-monogamously. My lovely colleague and fellow Ph. D. Researcher, Dr. Marie Thouin, decided to take this matter into her own hands... She talks with us about mindful dating and how you can turn dating into something joyful! So many good reasons to work with Marie...

Have you been *working* on your relationships so hard you've lost the sense of joy and pleasure of it all? Time for something new! Megan is an expert in coming home to our innate capacity to relate to your Self & Other by engaging with the natural world & your body Listen in as we bask in the joy of creating something new. We've been cooking up an exciting new project that will tak...

Non-monogamy comes in as many forms as there are people imagining outside the norm. Imagination is the tool we use to dream the dream forward to what's next. When you follow your imagination that way you gain a better understanding of yourself. Relationships that focus on growth don't have to be non-monogamous, but non-monogamy creates tons of opportunities to make your unconscious *stuff*...

How do you handle wigging out, feeling like a mess, or in technical terms getting dysregulated? Well, we rely on tools we learned from applied neurologist Elisabeth Kristof, and now you can hear about them directly from her! Learning how to work with your unique nervous system is like getting the cheat code to be more present in your life, have access to pleasure, and be more of who you want to be...

Swinging, sex clubs, bdsm, lifestyle - if you're into stories about these things, this episode is for you. Ashley Weller from the What's Your Position podcast joins us to share her experiences with and perspectives on sex, Check out Ashley's Instagram, @whatsyourpositionpodcast! And listen to the podcast ! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www. JoliQuiz.com

Relationships require so many different skills. Do you ever struggle to process an argument, or to identify what you really want and need? Dedeker, Emily, and Jase, the hosts of the Multiamory podcast and authors of the book Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships, talk with us about relationship tools that work for ALL relationship structures. This is a must-listen whether you are no...

Struggling with intimacy but you've already tried *everything*? Not sure what could possibly help? Surrogate partner therapy is amazing and we want you to know more about it! Brian Gibney, a Surrogate Partner Therapist talks with us about how he and other SPTs help people build trust and communication that allows them to experience physical touch with safety and connection. For more informatio...

Did you jump into the open waters and find the water kinda choppy? Totally normal, we're sharing: -How the scientific method can help you do this all with less pain (really!) -Why you are struggling with managing change -What do you need to consider about starter boundaries for opening There are a lot of changes to navigate, but you don't have to figure it all out by yourself. We're ou...

What if you could get to know your power intimately, and so get to know your whole self? What if you could use your story to have the life, pleasure, and relationships you want? Check out our chat with the incomparable Mollena Williams-Haas, Kink Doula, writer, performer, and podcast host. Listen to her share some of her story of power exchange and authenticity with you. Click here for the Kink Do...

Jung has this great quote “Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.” The shadow of love is power in Jung's estimation. I look around the world and that sure seems true on a grand scale. And in our daily life, I think we *mean* to center love rather than power in our close relationships...but in reality, most...

It's no secret that we started our relationship in a bad place. Together, we worked and learned our way from a painful, confused state to a conscious, growth-oriented, and gentle love. We transformed that messy, painful relationship by taking a page (several thousand pages, actually) from the world of kink. Kinksters regularly talk about power exchange--we think everyone should. Every single d...

If your monsters could help you live more of the life you want to live, would you get to know them, and invite them in? What about sharing them with a trusted partner in a thoughtful, conscious process? Ken did, and it made him cry, right here in the podcast - tears of relief for the possibility of realizing potential. We're talking about letting in our darker parts, and how much our lives can exp...

Having a plan for when your partner goes on a date makes it way more likely that you will both have a positive relationship experience, no matter how the date itself goes. What goes into our plans? We've got three categories and lots of examples of things that help us and have proven to help Joli's clients handle the big emotions of date nights, so dig in! Are you ready to open your relati...

Bringing up non-monogamy can be a shock to your partner's system. But if you never bring it up, you'll never even know what's possible for you. Here's how you can plan for success and make this potentially shocking conversation an opportunity to upgrade your relational skills.  Resources from this episode: The conversation guide: www.jolihamilton.com/easy Our video with tools for n...

Libby Sinback, from Making Polyamory Work joins Joli for a conversation about one of the BEST parts of shifting from monogamy to non-monogamy: community that supports your authentic self. More connection is why so many of us practice non-monogamy, but it's not always clear how to actually make the community we long for. Listen as we provide both inspiration and practical advice on how to find, cre...

Is polyamory something innate in you, like an orientation? Is it a practice? A philosophy? A mindset? An identity? A choice?  Being able to describe your approach to polyamory makes it easier to connect with others, build community, and choose partners from a place of enthusiastic, informed consent.  Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www. JoliQuiz.com

It's our 100th episode of Playing with Fire! This podcast was intended to be 13 episodes to cover each chapter of Joli's first book... and here we are with 100 episodes in and feeling more excited about this shared project than we ever dreamed. Every relationship benefits from a shared purpose (see episode 65), but so often, the shared project defaults to householding and/or kids.  Proacti...

It's normal to want your relationship to feel secure. It's normal to want to individuate. It's normal to want to explore what life can look like beyond the constraints of default monogamy. But how do you actually deal with your specific attachment wounds and still create a love that makes space for multiple loving connections?  Joli & Jessica dove into how attachment theory can hel...

Joli here- how many times have you heard one of these gems?  You're a lot.  You're intimidating.  You're an energizer bunny.  You're hyper-productive.  You must never rest.  You're just too much.  Tell me, who are you comparing me to when you make this pronouncement?  Ken sat down to talk out one of my core wounded parts, the girl who gets told she's intimidating in every w...

Does the thought of your partner being with someone else make you...hot as hell?  You aren't alone.  Though jealousy is often thought of as the LAST thing anyone would want in their life, that's not the only way it goes. In Joli's phenomenological research, 30% of participants reported sexual, juicy responses when they felt jealous. Turning the standard jealousy narrative on its head i...

Seeking open relationship bliss?  Great. Us too. And all my clients. You're not alone. Every week I hear from at least a few people who want to know if they should try to open right from the start or whether they need to solidify their couplehood first. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion, and I hear a ton of FEAR that if you get this *wrong*, you're relationship is going to be so.much...

Creating the relationship you really want begins with the ENVISIONING process. Plus, it's really easy to find yourself in relationships that don't fit right (but do feel familiar) unless you actively participate in the relationship envisioning process.  This conversation is like being a fly on the wall of our relationship- Ken's sharing how he wound up in a marriage that was completely...

I (Joli) love romantic friendships. Ones that have a deeply intimate quality and the capacity to have honest conversations about boundaries and relationship agreements. Ones that feel soft, warm, and connected. But romantic friendships scare some people- it makes sense because they are one way we can live  beyond the boxes of patriarchal convention. Developing romantic friendships takes intentiona...

This week we are sharing our most popular episode ever- this one is a not-to-miss! Relationship agreements might sound dry but the process of co-creating relationship bliss is NOT dry in the least.  This episode is part explanation, part demonstration of how we review and negotiate the living document that is our relationship agreement. We found a hole in one of ours while recording that we need t...