Parent Pause

You know the one. It’s the conversation you’ve rehearsed in the shower, the one you’ve dissected with your friends, and the one you’ve tucked away so many times it’s started to grow a layer of dust. We tell ourselves we’re staying silent to be “kind” or to avoid a scene, but if I’m being honest, that’s rubbish. We aren’t protecting them; we’re protecting ourselves. We’re choosing the safety of our...

There are no prizes for coping. So why are we trying to do this on our own? I’ve been thinking about this a lot, because I think one of the biggest sources of stress in parenting isn’t just what we’re doing - it’s the feeling that it’s all on us. And it isn’t meant to be. I remember a time when my children were younger and everything felt relentless. No sleep, constant noise, work, emotions, the l...

What if trying to be a “good parent” is the very thing exhausting you? In Stress Awareness month I’ve been reflecting on parent stress, and I think for many of us, the stress isn’t just parenting - it’s the standard we’re holding ourselves to while we do it. Patient. Present. Calm. Consistent. All the time. It’s like we’re quietly measuring ourselves against an invisible checklist, and of course w...

You can’t take sick leave from parenting… so what happens when you’re completely done? Not tired in a manageable way - but that bone-deep, can’t-even-make-toast kind of tired. And still, the day rolls on. Lunchboxes, questions, moods, needs. I had a moment like that recently where I thought, I can’t keep doing this. And what I realised was - I can’t keep doing it like this . Not parenting itself,...

Your child’s anxiety isn’t the only thing in the room - yours is too. And I don’t say that to blame us. I say it because it’s true. I’ve felt it myself. My child anxious, and suddenly my own body tightens, my thoughts speed up, my voice sharpens. And in that moment, I’m not calming anything… I’m amplifying it. Because children don’t just listen to us. They feel us. They borrow our nervous system....

What if all that helping… is actually making things harder? I see this so often. A parent saying, “I just want them to be okay,” and underneath that, a constant smoothing. Preparing, checking, guiding, stepping in. Like those people in curling, frantically brushing the ice so nothing gets in the way. And it comes from love. Of course it does. When we smooth everything out for our children, we quie...

What if the thing you most want to get rid of… is actually the part trying to help? When a child is anxious, everything in us wants to fix it. Calm it. Make it go away. I sat with a girl recently who said, “I just feel like something bad is going to happen all the time.” And her mum looked at me as if to say - please, can you stop this? But what if anxiety isn’t the problem? What if it’s the signa...

What if your child’s anxiety isn’t the problem - but the part that’s still working? When our child is anxious, something instinctive kicks in. We want to fix it. Remove it. Make it go away as quickly as possible. It can feel almost unbearable to watch. But what if anxiety is actually doing its job? Not a malfunction but a signal. A signal that something feels too much, too uncertain, or not quite...

What if trying to be a ‘good parent’ is the very thing slowing your recovery? I’ve been ill for a couple of weeks, and I’ve caught myself doing something so familiar - trying to parent well while feeling dreadful. Still tidying, still sorting, still pushing myself to be patient and present… and all it’s done is delay my getting better. Much better, when we’re ill, is if we can let everything extra...

The moment I feel ill, I don’t think “I need to rest” - I think “who’s going to hold everything together?” That’s the panic. Not the illness itself, but the fear of what might unravel if we stop. I remember standing in the kitchen, dizzy, making packed lunches, and realising something I didn’t like at all - I’d made myself indispensable. And yes, some of that is love. But some of it is habit. And...

What if your body stopping you isn’t bad timing - but accurate timing? I’ve been ill for two weeks, and if I’m honest, I’ve felt slightly offended by it. Like my body has betrayed me. I don’t have time for this. People are relying on me. So I do what many of us do - I try to keep going from under the duvet, still managing, still thinking, still holding everything together. But lying there, I reali...

What if EdTech is just AI in a fluffy jumper? It looks friendly. Helpful. Educational. Sometimes I picture it in a corduroy jacket with patches on the elbows. Very reassuring. But underneath… it’s still AI. And if we’ve learned anything from technology over the last twenty years, it’s that it usually starts free, friendly and useful - and then slowly becomes profitable. Which raises an awkward que...

Quick question before you scroll on - when was the last time your child was properly bored? Not “there’s nothing good on Netflix” bored. I mean the deep, staring-out-of-the-window kind of boredom where imagination used to live. These days boredom barely has time to appear before a screen fills the gap. Short videos, fast scrolling, endless stimulation. Neuroscientists have started calling the resu...

Just pause for a moment and imagine this. Your child has something on their mind - friendship trouble, anxiety, a question about their body. And instead of turning to you, or a friend, they ask a machine. Not because they prefer the machine. But because it’s always there. Always polite. Always attentive. A teenager said to me recently, “It’s easier to talk to AI. It doesn’t judge you.” And that sa...

Before you add one more thing to the Mother’s Day list - pause. What if we stopped being the family’s emotional project manager? I remember a Sunday lunch - not even Mother’s Day - when I realised I was orchestrating everything. Who liked gravy. Who didn’t. Who hadn’t eaten enough. Who needed prompting to say thank you. Who might spill something. Who was about to sulk. I was exhausted before we’d...

Mother’s Day can ache. Not because our children forget the card. But because it reminds us of the mother we didn’t have. I once sat with a woman who came to talk about her daughter. But somewhere in the conversation she whispered, “I don’t know how to mother her without becoming my own mother. And I don’t want to do that.” So many of us are parenting from a blueprint drawn in pencil. Some of us we...

Before you roll your eyes at another post about flowers and forced gratitude - just give me a moment. A few years ago, I came downstairs on Mother’s Day quietly hoping for magic. Handmade cards. Effort. Some visible proof that all the invisible labour had been clocked. Instead - crumbs. Squabbling. And a whisper of, “Oh no… is it today?” And there it was. That small, sharp voice - Do I matter? But...

That question has been quietly needling me. I watched a teenager type into AI, “Make this sound more sophisticated.” And it did. Instantly. Part of me was impressed. That’s modern literacy, isn’t it? Adaptable. Efficient. Smart. But another part of me wondered - does she know what sophisticated actually means? Could she have done it herself if the machine wasn’t there? We’re shifting from knowing...

A mother told me recently how proud she was of her son’s polished, structured essay. Then he admitted he’d used AI for most of it. She said, “But it’s so good.” And I remember thinking - yes, that’s the problem. Education isn’t about producing something that looks impressive. It’s about becoming someone who can think. I remember writing terrible essays at university. Pages of muddle. Books everywh...

If your child can produce a perfectly polished essay in 12 seconds, should we be impressed - or worried? I asked girls how they were coping with the homework load goes up in secondary school and one said, very matter-of-factly, “Oh, it’s fine, I just get ChatGPT to write it and then I change a few words.” No shame. No secrecy. She genuinely thought she was being sensible, efficient and ahead of th...

Wait. Before you scroll. Who told you that pleasure was dangerous? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself - and asking other women - ever since our Women’s Hour this week. Because if I’m honest, for so many of us, pleasure feels risky. Too much food. Too much laughter. Too much rest. Too much wanting. Somewhere along the way we absorbed the idea that if we let ourselves enjoy things properly, we...

Here’s my confession - I find it almost impossible to lie down in the afternoon. Even when I’m bone tired. Even when I’ve worked since dawn. Even when, if I’m honest, nobody actually needs me. There’s this little voice that says, you haven’t done enough yet. Wait until this evening. Earn it. Maybe you know that voice too. It sounds responsible. Productive. Moral. But it’s not kind. I work with hun...

I used to eat biscuits standing up at the kitchen counter. No cup of tea. No plate. No sitting down. Just a quick, almost defensive bite, as if someone might walk in and say - oh no, that’s not for you. You haven’t earned that. Isn’t that strange? A grown woman. A mother. Running an organisation. And I couldn’t sit down and eat a biscuit with pleasure. I remember my daughter catching me once. “You...

W hen we talk about keeping children safe online, we often talk as if the responsibility sits mainly with them. They should log off. They should show restraint. They should manage what some of the most sophisticated behavioural technology ever created is designed to do: keep them scrolling. That’s a lot to ask of a developing brain. And what do they see us doing, as our children are watching us. I...

Screen time isn’t the real question - and it never has been. A few years ago I was watching a group of girls at break time. Not running. Not laughing. Not inventing games the way we used to. They were standing in little clusters, heads down, each in a world of their own, scrolling. Later I asked some girls in one of my groups if that was familiar. They said yes - and one of them shrugged and said,...