Paging Dr. NerdLove

Over the last month, the nation has had one of many conversations about sexual assault and the affect it has on survivors.  And as more women speak up, sharing their stories, sharing their pain and their rage, there are guys — guys who don't want to be part of the problem, who want to be good men — who want to know what they can do to make things better. And the answer is simple: men need to step...

There's a lot of bad advice out there when it comes to flirting.  Advice that not only does it not work , but is actually a masterclass in how to creep women out and occasionally piss them off. Meeting women can be hard enough without making flirting mistakes that're going to backfire, messily and all over the place. The last thing you want to do is ruin your chances with a woman by making the wro...

Learning how to dress well is one of the quickest and easiest ways to be more attractive. When you start dressing up sharp, you look amazing...  and most people  don't.  But  it takes very little to stand out and be sharpest dressed, most stylish guy in the room… and without spending a small fortune in the process. You just have to know the rules. Show Highlights: The one style rule that matters a...

How many times have you had a first date that you thought was amazing... but never lead to a second date? First dates can be tricky and frustrating. A lot of guys are good at getting a first date, but can never turn it into a second or third date. N o matter what they seem to do, they're left with a series of first dates to nowhere with nothing to show for it. And the problem is that most first da...

When we talk about being attractive, we tend to think of it in terms of being physically good looking.  But there's a difference between being good looking and being attractive. People can be stunningly beautiful but have all the sex appeal of a block of wood. Meanwhile there can be people who are ugly as sin and yet have an almost mystical level of sex-appeal.  Being attractive isn't about whethe...

One of the mistakes a lot of people make is that they assume that social success is a binary. Either you're good with girls or you aren't and there's nothing you can do about it.  But the good news is: that's not true.  Dating, being more successful with women, even just being more socially fluent is a skill that you can practice, and if you can practice it, you CAN get better at it. And you can l...

Doctor's Note:  There's a recurring audio issue with this week's episode that I wasn't able to fully eliminate. I've edited around it as best as I could but it'll crop up a couple times. Sorry about that. The idea that women like "bad boys" or "assholes", and that there a bright line between guys who get dates — the assholes — and guys who don't — the "nice guys" gets kicked around in dating circl...

When it comes to dating, there is one common issue that men have that will kill any chance you have to build attraction or a relationship:  neediness. Neediness and needy behavior is the Anti-Sex equation. No matter what else you have going for you in your life — you could travel the world, you could be world famous, you could be a millionaire with a mansion and a yacht — neediness will ultimately...

A lot of men don't know how to approach women in groups — whether they're with other women or a mixed group of men, women and more. As a result, they tend to focus on that one person… and end up coming across like a hyena trying to separate a gazelle from the herd. Fortunately,  it's actually very easy to join in a groups, in a way that not only encourage them to accept you, but help you make a po...

Recently  Henry Cavill gave his thoughts about flirting in a post #MeToo era during an interview with GQ Australia, where he claimed to be afraid that flirting with someone might lead to his being dragged through hell because… reasons. And while he has since apologized for his insensitive remarks, they struck a chord with many people: where do you find the line between welcome flirting and sexual...

The state of sexual education in America is appalling. If schools aren't required by law to only teach abstinence-only education, then at most we get a glorified plumbing lesson instead of what we  really need to know. As a result: more and more people are turning to porn for lessons in sex and sexuality.  But what if there's a better way? If the educational system fails us - either through ignora...

(Content Warning: Sexual Assault) On June 26th, Expendables and Brooklyn 99 star Terry Crews testified before Congress in support of the Sexual Assault Survivor's Bill of Rights. As part of his advocacy for survivors of rape and sexual assault, Crews talked about his own experience of having been the victim of sexual violence. In doing so he challenged the narrative of what it means to be the surv...

Lots of guys get anxious about approaching women that they're attracted to. But what if there were a way to change that. Ever wished you were one of those men who had women coming up to  them ? You can be... if you understand  why women are willing to approach some men and not others. If you understand the secrets to why women do and  don't make the first move, you can learn to be the guy that wom...

How often has this happened to you: you've got a woman's number, but you never seem to be able to actually get a date.  You may be doing great at first, but  then you notice that it's taking longer and longer for her to reply and those replies are getting shorter and shorter until you get... nothing. And now you're left wondering just what happened... and why it keeps happening to you. Texting may...

Men on the whole, and white, heterosexual men in particular, tend to have fewer friends than women and the friendships they do have tend to be shallower and less fulfilling.  It's really not uncommon for guys to look up and realize just how few friends they have outside of family members and romantic relationships. And by then… it feels like it's too late. After all, it's easy to make friends when...

Men, especially heterosexual men, tend to have very few deep, emotional connections, and of the ones they do have, very few of them are with other men. And that's actually a problem. Men are dealing with an epidemic of loneliness and isolation and it's literally killing us. But despite the damage that loneliness can cause, men have a hard time finding and fostering emotionally close and intimate r...

Everyone and their dog will tell you that confidence is sexy, it's probably the oldest trope in dating advice besides "just be yourself". And, in fairness… they're right. Confidence is an important part of being attractive, and not having confidence is going to hold you back. Of course, nobody ever tells you just how you're supposed to get that confidence. It's easy to talk about being confident w...

What is it that makes one person creepy and another person attractive? Why do some men set off women's Spidey-sense while other men can do the exact same things and be perfectly fine?  Guys - especially ones who aren't the most socially well-calibrated - worry a lot about being creepy by accident. They worry that being a creeper, even if it's entirely unintentional - will start be the start of a l...

Recently, we've been talking about toxic masculinity and all of the ways that it damages men on the individual level and society on the whole. One of the enduring questions is: so what do we do about it. Part of the way we start end the damage that toxic masculinity does and help heal some of the pain is to talk openly and honestly about some of the issues that come bundled in the toxic masculinit...

Over the last couple of weeks, it seems as though the world has been talking about incels - people who refer to themselves as being involuntarily celibate. But while we are all bringing attention to the  existence  of incels, but there aren't many resources for people who want to stop being involuntarily celibate. What is the real  issue that drives otherwise good people to the incel community? Ho...

The question of "how do I get out of The Friend Zone" is among the top Google searches out there when it comes to relationship advice. The idea of the Friend Zone as a sort of dating Stalag-17 has driven more people into the Pick Up and Red Pill community than almost any other topic.  For a lot of guys, the Friend Zone is the ultimate expression of the dating binary: you're good with women or you...

One of the long-running questions that men have tried to solve has been why women choose to date and sleep with some men over others — and, more importantly, how we could become those men. This is something that a lot of men get wrong,  in no small part because one of the mistakes guys make is that they tend to look in the wrong place.  What women tend to find attractive isn't looks or status or m...

Toxic masculinity doesn't mean that that being a man is toxic, bad or even undesirable.  At the same time  non-toxic or positive masculinity doesn't mean apologizing for being a man or trying to be as gender neutral as possible. While toxic masculinity refers to behaviors and beliefs about manhood and masculinity that are lauded as positive and to be emulated when, in reality, they're painful, det...

What do Men's Rights Advocates, popular self-help gurus, the alt-right and the movie Fight Club all have in common? They're all trying to answer the question of "What's wrong with men?"  It's pretty undeniable that men are facing a tipping point in today's society. Whether we're talking about the changes inspired by Me Too movement, the fact that women now outnumber men in undergraduate programs a...

Normally when I talk about dating issues, I'm talking about issues that primarily affect men, from a man's perspective. However, it can also be incredibly useful to look at the dating issues that  women face as well. Not only does this help overcome misconceptions that men often have about the dating experience for women, but also illustrates ways that our own misunderstandings about relationships...