OurVoices with Kristin Kalbli

On today's episode, we get schooled in all things related to sexually transmitted infections with Dr. David Malebranche, an expert in HIV and STI prevention and treatment, and associate professor of medicine at Morehouse School of Medicine in Atlanta. Many straight spouses (and adults in general) find themselves dating again at mid-life, post-divorce. Navigating the new landscape of sexual health,...

There are many ways to be in denial. Today's episode features guest Susan Relic. After 35 years of marriage, she discovered her husband was having an affair. At least that's what she thought at first. Then she dug a little deeper. Her husband's sexual partners were exclusively pre-operative transgender escorts. Join us for this discussion at the very intersection of gender and sexuality, and what...

In 2004, JL King sat on Oprah's couch and told the world about his life on the down low. As a married man with children, JL exposed his own double life having sex with multiple men in secret. His disclosure rocked the African American community, sparking both gratitude and backlash for exposing the reality behind the façade of his seemingly perfect family life, and the lives of other men in his co...

Today, Eric describes his personal journey coming to terms with his homosexuality, his misery over acting out sexually outside of his marriage, his determination to come out to his wife, and how their mixed orientation marriage works today. Eric also shares with us the mission of GAMMA, the Gay and Married Men's Association, who welcome all men who are married to women, but who are sexually attrac...

Today Alexis tells us the story of her father coming out to her, and how that experience both helped and complicated when she discovered her own husband was gay. She talks about the challenge of intimacy in her marriage, and how her ex-husband either avoided or deflected discussions on physical intimacy, leading Alexis to "poke the bear" trying to get to the bottom of their sexual troubles. She sh...

Today Russ discusses the dissolution of his marriage after the discovery of a love letter from his wife's female paramour. Russ is known affectionately among Straight Spouses for the humorous and epic grudge against his ex-wife that he has nursed for over two decades. In this heartwarming episode, he shares how carrying that anger has impacted him, how it has both fueled and hindered him, and he e...

It is estimated that there are between 10 and 19 million, that's right, million , women in China who are unknowingly married to closeted gay men, setting up a pending crisis for these women and their spouses. The cultural pressures that keep China's LGBT people hidden are very different than the pressures the LGBT community faces in Western cultures. With no specific religious prohibition on homos...

In today's episode, Scary Mommy founder Jill Smokler discusses coming to terms with her husband Jeff's sexuality, how isolated she felt when she first learned of his same sex attraction, making the difficult decision to get a divorce after 18 years of marriage, and how they focused on honesty and transparency in telling their three children. She spoke about how painful it was to break the news to...

In August of 2004, the Governor of the State of New Jersey came out to the world in a press conference as a "Gay American," and resigned his office. His wife Dina was standing behind him at the podium in a blue suit, her world having been shattered just three days before when her husband privately disclosed to her that he "might be gay," and that he had to resign because he was being blackmailed f...

In today's episode, Mark talks to us about the challenges and benefits of remaining in a mixed orientation marriage, and how to make it work if you choose to stay. He discusses the practical and financial considerations that make remaining in a mixed orientation marriage a workable option, but he stresses the importance of having clear boundaries, finding healthy ways to handle triggers, and findi...

In today's episode, Aideen discusses how growing up in an extreme Christian cult primed her for marrying a closeted gay man. The intersection of that religious prohibition against homosexuality and her own lack of education and experience with men (as dictated by the purity standards of the community), understandably resulted in her own mixed orientation marriage, which fell apart after years of a...

Today, SSN Board member Seth Blackman goes over a Checklist for Newbies. He provides steps, tips, and advice for how to get through the initial days and months after disclosure/discovery that your spouse is LGBT.  He covers getting professional help for depression, trauma, and shock, and guides us around establishing healthy boundaries for ourselves with our spouses. Finally, he gives us tips for...

In today's episode, I talk to Sara about the discovery of her husband's 14 years of infidelity with men, her diagnosis of PTSD related to the relationship betrayal in her marriage, which echoed back to her sexual assault as a teen. We talk about how she found her healing and clarity in nature by hiking, running, and paddle boarding. Sara shares how she has used her experience as the fuel for a new...

In today's episode, Devon discusses his marriage to Emily Reese, his early knowledge of his homosexuality, his fear and shame around his feelings, as well has his religious beliefs at the time that lead him to compartmentalize his feelings of same sex attraction. His coming out journey has been a journey toward self-actualization, and he speaks about how telling the truth, even when it is painful...

In today's episode, Emily Reese discusses how, after several years of marriage, she intuited that her husband was gay, and how they worked through his subsequent revelation to create a modern rainbow family. She also discusses her experience giving a Ted-X talk called The Other Side of the Closet, on the subject of having a spouse come out, an experience she describes as a highlight of her life. E...

Kristin's husband came out as a trans-woman before celebrities like Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox put gender transition in the national spotlight. She forged her own path through grief, anger, and finally healing while their mutual friends expressed enthusiastic support for her spouse. A chorus of "You go girl!" and "You are so brave!" were showered on her transitioning partner. Meanwhile, no one...

In this episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews the founder of the Straight Spouse Network, Dr. Amity Pierce Buxton, about her personal straight spouse story, the founding of the peer-to-peer support group for straight spouses, and her hopes for building bridges between straight spouses and the LGBT community.   In Amity's own words on her outreach within the LGBT community: "[We are] seeking equa...

In today's episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews Dr. Loren A. Olson, who came out in his 40's after a 20 year marriage to his wife. Dr. Olson is currently married to his partner of thirty years, and lives in Iowa. His career and research has focused on working with and supporting other gay men and fathers exiting Mixed Orientation Marriages. Recently, he has begun to reach across the divide and...

In today's episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews Kimberly Brooks Mazella, a straight spouse whose career as a psychotherapist has lead to the founding of her non-profit, the Straight Forward Project. Kim discusses the results of her survey research on Straight Spouses, and how her data, which sheds light onto the straight spouse experience, could eventually be used to help straight spouse heal. ...

In today's episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews Dru Vincent, a straight spouse whose wife of 18 years abruptly asked for a divorce. After being blindsided by the revelation of his wife's sexuality, and their subsequent divorce, Dru went from being curled in a ball on his brother's couch, to slowly rebuilding his life. Dru talks about picking up the pieces through financial devastation, depressi...

In today's episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews Maggie Kneip, a straight spouse whose husband, a high profile journalist in New York City in the early 1990's, died of AIDS. We talk about her book, Now Everyone Will Know , her experience discovering her husband's sexuality and his illness, her two decades of silence surrounding her husband's death, and her efforts to raise awareness about wives...

In today's episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews Anastasia Gochnour about her experience growing up with a closeted father who came out to her as a young teenager. She discusses how her father's closet, his use of her sister as a secret keeper, and how he handled his coming out impacted her at the time, and how it continues to impact her as an adult.

In today's episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews Janet McMonagle about her personal straight spouse story, and the challenges and opportunities the SSN encounters in communicating with the media and journalists about the mission of the SSN and the straight spouse experience.      

In today's episode, Kristin interviews Paul Nelson about his personal experience discovering his wife was a lesbian while he was deployed in Afghanistan. They discuss disclosure, the complications of custody arrangements, and what helped him heal. 

In today's episode, host Kristin Kalbli interviews Stephanie Skylar about the mission and the scope of the SSN, how to get help in a time of need, and how to offer help to others when you have time to give back.