On Attachment

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change. Rather than asking whether change is possible in theory, this episode focuses on a more important question: how likely is real change, and what should you actually be paying attention to after betrayal? In this episode, I explore: How someone takes responsibili...

Letting go of someone you love can feel like the hardest thing you’ll ever do — especially if you have anxious attachment patterns. When your nervous system equates connection with safety, walking away can feel more intolerable than staying in pain. In this episode, I explore why letting go is so difficult, and what actually helps when love, attachment, and fear are all tangled together. I talk ab...

As the year comes to a close, this episode offers a grounded reflection on what actually creates change — beyond resolutions or waiting to feel ready. This is an invitation to reflect on agency, integrity, and the quiet choices that shape your life over time. ⁠⁠ Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

In this episode, we explore why rejection feels so big — not just in dating and relationships, but across friendships, family, work, and creative life. We look at the evolutionary and attachment roots of rejection sensitivity, and how it creates a confirmation bias that makes neutral situations feel personal. I talk about how the fear of rejection leads us to shrink, stay silent, or hold back from...

In this episode, we explore the deeper patterns that make emotionally unavailable partners feel so familiar — even when you want something different. Rather than framing this as a personal flaw or something you’re “doing wrong,” this conversation explores the deeper emotional and relational patterns that make certain dynamics feel familiar, magnetic, or even safe on a nervous-system level. I walk...

In this episode, we explore what it really takes to create meaningful change — especially in those seasons where everything feels hard, familiar patterns keep looping, and no amount of “trying” seems to make a difference. We talk about the inner environment required for real change, and why self-compassion isn’t the opposite of accountability — it’s the foundation of it. You’ll hear about: Why we...

Today's episode is a special one: I'm sharing my own healing story and how I went from anxious and insecure to confident, grounded in my worth, and in a loving partnership. My hope in sharing is that you can see we aren't all that different, and that you feel encouraged to continue on the courageous path of healing. 🖤 If you'd like to explore my Black Friday sale — the biggest I&#...

In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend James “Fish” Gill for a listener Q&A all about conflict, communication, and staying connected through hard moments. We explore some big questions, including: How to release resentment when a conflict is “resolved” but the emotional residue is still sitting in your body What real repair actually looks like , and why some apologies land while others do...

In this special episode of On Attachment, I sit down with my partner Joel to answer your questions about our journey into parenthood with our now 18 month old son. We explore the transition to parenting, how our attachment styles have shaped the experience, and what helps us stay aligned as a couple. The conversation also covers our initial feelings about wanting kids, the surprises and challenges...

So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for reassurance that we’re doing, saying, and being the “right” thing. If you lean towards anxious attachment patterns, this makes perfect sense. The foundation of the anxious attachment pattern is an external orientation — learning to attune to others for...

One of the most common questions after a break-up is: when will I be ready to start dating again? Sadly, there’s no hard and fast rule, no magic timeline, and no moment where you’ll suddenly feel 100% confident and never wobble again. Readiness isn’t about the calendar — it’s about how you’re feeling, the work you’ve done, and the mindset you're bringing with you.  In this episode, I’ll share...

When a relationship ends, it’s natural to crave closure. We want answers, explanations, or one last conversation that will tie everything up neatly and help us move on. But the reality is, closure rarely comes from someone else — it’s something we have to create for ourselves. In this episode, I share some hard but freeing truths about closure: Why the relationships that leave us most desperate fo...

So often, we’re drawn to the work of healing our relational wounds because of challenges in our relationship. A partner’s behaviour, or the dynamic between us, shines a light on our pain points and shows us where our work might be. But this can raise a difficult question: if we’re still being triggered or activated within that very relationship, is healing actually possible? In this episode, I exp...

When you’re anxiously attached, it’s easy to fixate on red flags and warning signs — scanning for danger in the early stages of dating. But if you’re always looking for what’s wrong, you might miss the important signs that you’re with someone who’s actually safe, caring, and aligned with you. In this episode, we shift the focus to green flags — the encouraging behaviours and feelings that can help...

Fear of infidelity can be one of the most overwhelming and destabilising experiences for someone with anxious attachment. Even when there’s no evidence a partner is being unfaithful, the possibility alone can trigger deep anxiety, hypervigilance, and constant worry. In this episode, we explore why anxiously attached people often fear cheating so much, even in the absence of proof. We’ll look at th...

If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a good reason for it. In this episode, I share why this shift happens — and why it’s completely normal if you have an anxious attachment style. Attachment patterns are relational, which means they tend to lie dormant when we’re on our own. But as soon as we...

Understanding your nervous system is one of the most powerful tools you have for creating secure, connected relationships. But too often we approach it as a one-size-fits-all formula, rather than honouring the unique way our individual nervous systems work. In this episode, I’m joined by parenting expert and author Alyssa Blask Campbell to explore how tuning into your nervous system can make you a...

When a relationship ends without warning, it’s common to feel blindsided, confused, and deeply hurt. This is often labelled the “avoidant discard” — but while that term might feel validating in the moment, it can also keep you stuck in a disempowering story. In this episode, we’ll talk about how to process a sudden ending in a way that honours your pain without leaving you tethered to it. We’ll ex...

Ever look back at your dating history and realise you’ve basically been in the same relationship over and over again — just with different people? Maybe you thought you’d learned the lessons, yet somehow the same dynamics keep playing out. In this episode, we’re unpacking why these patterns form, why they feel so hard to break, and how you can start shifting them. We’ll explore how your early expe...

If you struggle with a harsh inner critic — whether it shows up as perfectionism, relentless self-judgment, or shame about the past — this episode is for you. We’re unpacking the roots of that punitive inner voice, how it tries to keep us safe, and the real cost it can have on our self-worth, our nervous system, and our ability to grow. We’ll also explore what it looks like to relate to ourselves...

We don’t often talk about how attachment dynamics play out in friendships — but if you’ve ever felt anxious, hurt, or overly invested in a friend who seemed to be pulling away, you’ll know just how triggering these relationships can be. While attachment theory was originally developed to explain the infant-caregiver bond and later applied to romantic relationships, many of the same fears, patterns...

If you’re someone with anxious attachment patterns, the ending of a relationship can bring up some of your deepest wounds: feelings of abandonment, not being enough, being too much, or fears that you’ll never find love again. In today’s episode, I’m offering a more grounded, intentional path through heartbreak — one that doesn’t rely on ruminating, obsessing, or waiting for closure from someone el...

So many of us struggle with the idea of self-love. For me, and for many others, it can feel vague, aspirational, or simply out of reach. But what if, instead of trying to love ourselves, we focused on becoming someone we actually like ? In today’s episode, I’m sharing five practical and tangible ways to do just that. This is about taking honest, grounded steps that help you build real self-respect...

In this episode, I’m joined by educator, speaker, and author Lael Stone to explore the powerful role that early imprints play in shaping the stories we carry — about ourselves, others, and the world around us. We dive into how our earliest experiences — especially within our family system — inform the narratives we unconsciously live by. We talk about what it means to bring those stories into cons...

When you have an anxious attachment style, it can be hard to know what you actually need to feel secure — especially if past relationships have left you second-guessing yourself or trying to manage your anxiety by suppressing your needs. In this episode, we’re exploring five key ingredients that help anxiously attached people thrive in relationships. These aren’t about seeking constant reassurance...