Omnibus

In which we celebrate 167 years of Americans being able to claim any island they like as long as it has enough bird poop on it, and John thinks you can dip a pole in liberty. Certificate #39867.

In which a remote part of Idaho solves its beaver dam problem with some surplus parachutes and an even more remote part of Idaho, and Ken applies the transitive property to mules and culverts. Certificate #31297.

In which German health nuts give the world the idea of social nude recreation before the Nazis can tell them not to, and John thinks of something that is better than itching. Certificate #53668.

In which the ponds of New England become the wellspring of a new worldwide web of perishable foods, and Ken learns that gum is a forest treat. Certificate #23725.

In which the estate of the century's greatest scientist becomes a $200 million enterprise even as his brain tissue languishes in a cider box, and John compares it to pastrami. Certificate #21917.

In which a ski bum with dad jokes explores new frontiers of film distribution and extreme sports, and Ken is a water machine. Certificate #48941.

In which the rift between two Communist dictators leads to a blooming of mariachi culture in the fertile soil of the Balkans, and John is baffled by Vietnamese karaoke. Certificate #46465.

In which the smartest people in the world bloom early but often struggle to live up that promise later in life, and Ken's phone thinks he lives at the zoo. Certificate #50285.

In which a late-night Christmas party in a West Point barracks gets out of hand, almost changing the course of the Civil War, and John is not anti-Julius. Certificate #32683.

In which tensions over slavery and its westward expansion boil over into an assault on the floor of the United States Senate, and Ken does not have a single cloak. Certificate #46116.

In which governments around the world deliberate on how creatively parents may name their children, and John thinks "Tilden" sounds like a kind of cheese. Certificate #26934.

In which the world's overfished oceans begin to teem with a sudden surplus of ancient and puzzling invertebrates, and Ken just wants sex tourists not to pee on his bunion. Certificate #23757.

In which a teenaged slacker from Sedona with a love for llamas jump-starts the digital music age, and John explains why large people prefer old things. Certificate #38550.

In which the successor to one of the great medieval bridges is shipped to the Arizona desert by an American tycoon, and Ken is skeptical about product placement in slasher movies. Certificate #28472.

In which a science fiction-loving professor dreams of conquering death with the cold, hard science of low-temperature preservation, and John just wants to be a brain with a nose. Certificate #48643.

In which evangelical Christians wrestle with the problem of whether rock music is inherently good, evil, or neither. and Ken wonders about angel monkeys. Certificate #34822.

In which the rituals of Masonry and its more casual offshoots produce a "golden age of fraternalism" for American men, and John is discomfited by noisy day care teachers. Certificate #35320.

In which the remains of a useless Nazi "chandelier" unexpectedly emerge in Maryland and Washington, and Ken thinks about Bilbo Baggins too late. Certificate #35410.

In which the legend of feral children is traced from ancient mythology all the way up to Smurfs and Russian street dogs, and John cannot recommend the Madrid Zoo. Certificate #22714.

In which an adman who survived Nazi and Soviet invasions goes on to reinvent gay eroticism, and Ken wonders which Founding Father looked best naked. Certificate #7136.

In which a ghost-written memoir explains how a great British stage magician defeated Rommel in North Africa with his trickery, and John considers saying "Abracadabra" as a swear. Certificate #37883.

In which a perfect storm of construction, coal mining, and Communist commemoration creates twelve days of gridlock in central China, and Ken imagines an ancient Roman in a stadium parking garage. Certificate #34985.

In which one Canadian newsman convinces America for several decades that daily drinking is the key to solving the "French Paradox," and John thinks Ken looks inhibited holding a spatula. Certificate #13766.

In which Japanese soldiers, unwilling to believe that World War II is over, hold out for decades on islands all over the Pacific, and Ken will never give up on bar soap. Certificate #44164.

In which a nationwide panic over "stranger danger" turns regional dairies into activists for missing children, and John likes when things are "de minimis." Certificate #25468.