My Mate's A Footballer

What's the difference between a press and a counter-press? Route one and possession football? Counter-attacking and parking the bus? Patrick nobly attempts to explain these football tactics to a bemused Joe.We also learn what style Patrick most enjoys playing and watching, how managers prepare tactically in the week before a game, and how Marco Bielsa could predict exactly how every match would pl...

Joe is very excited to learn exactly what goes on inside a dressing room and covers everything from the food on offer to the best facilities in the Premier League. Patrick tells us how a mix-up at an airport resulted in the least glamorous trip ever taken by a football team on a private jet and debates with Joe whether flapjacks or bananas are better.

Joe finds out what life is like for Patrick when he’s not focused on football including how to choose where to live and whether he’s contractually allowed to ride a motorbike. Pat reveals a gross misjudgement on his choice of accommodation whilst on loan and how he’s transformed his garage.

After being distracted in the original episode about landmark moments (thanks to an unusual fantasy football team name), the lads reconvene to discuss more important moments from Pat’s career. You’ll hear how a player gets called up for England for the first time, which players were the most welcoming, demanding and vocal in Gareth Southgate’s squad and which defender is the most horrible opponent...

Patrick opens up to Joe about everything he’s invested in to help deal with the pressures of football in terms of nutrition, being physically fit and being mentally strong. Part of Pat’s team immediately makes Joe want to become a footballer (again) but when the consequences of playing under pressure are laid bare, it almost becomes too much to handle.

Joe has always fancied himself as a skipper so wants to know what attributes he needs to develop and ultimately what the perks of the job are. Patrick tells us about an incident whilst captain of Leeds that still haunts him to this day and discusses what it’s like to be captained by Harry Kane and John Terry, and whether he’d enjoy the style of leadership of someone like Roy Keane.

After weeks of hearing about Joe’s supposedly stupendous free kick-taking ability, Pat lays down a challenge which involves a trip to the Leeds training ground. Joe realises he might have bitten off more than he can chew and struggles to focus on anything other than getting some more tips for 5-a-side and discussing footballers’ pre-match routines.

Pat is having a good run in the Leeds team at the minute so Joe wants to work out what contributes to his impressive form and how to get through those barren spells as a striker. You’ll hear discussion about whether Joe pays attention to form as a comedian and how bad Erling Haaland’s form would have to be before Pep drops him from the Manchester City starting eleven.

After becoming an FA Cup icon, Patrick tells Joe all about THAT goal he scored against Peterborough and how Gary Lineker might be able to take some credit for the strike. Joe attempts to rank Pat’s volley against the greatest FA Cup goals from history and they discuss Pat’s return to the starting eleven at Leeds, and how a conversation with manager Daniel Farke sparked an upturn in form.

The FA Cup third round is a huge weekend in football so Joe discusses Pat’s giant-killing exploits in previous seasons and gets nosey about cup bonuses. Pat reveals how his new haircut was received in the dressing room at Leeds and why he’s obsessed with an app about shark tagging. Plus Joe reveals why his one and only holiday to the Maldives was a disaster.

Joe can’t believe how the Leeds squad are planning to celebrate their Christmas party so gets stuck into the organisation and planning with Pat who reveals where they’re planning to go. He also gets in touch with club captain Luke Ayling to work out how the kitty is being built which includes fines throughout the season from the entire squad… which means Pat also gets interrogated on what behaviou...

Patrick begins this episode with a bone to pick with Joe regarding his footballing ability. Kalvin Phillips gets in touch with Joe who starts planning a celebration for when he scores his first professional goal. Plus they discuss the career-defining moments that all players experience on their journey to becoming a Premier League footballer.

We’re back on track in this episode about transfers where Pat discusses how his move to Chelsea came out of the blue and gives Joe insight into the power dynamic between a club and a player during the transfer window. Joe discusses what was going on in his life at the same age Pat was moving to the Premier League giants and they discover there’s a lot more in common between the pair than they firs...

Joe slightly derails this episode in order to utilise the time he spends with his professional footballer co-host. After a crushing defeat, he wants to know what things he can add to his game to become a better player at the tender age of 48. Pat obliges with a couple of tips and tricks and we also learn something that Joe could never have imagined about the world of professional football, which o...

After a confident start to Joe’s attempt of making Patrick his friend, discussion turns to the various things a new manager can change at a club. Having recently gone through the experience with Daniel Farke at Leeds, Pat reveals the rules the German gaffer has brought in, how Sam Allardyce chose to communicate with the squad and how well a team would cope if the players were left to rule on their...

In this first episode of the pod, Joe reveals his plan of how he will become best mates with a professional footballer. The pair discuss the importance of friendship and Patrick reveals who the most popular man in football is and whether it’s possible for Aaron Ramsdale to be friends with David Raya at Arsenal.

Joe Wilkinson wants to make footballer Patrick Bamford become his new best mate.