Modern Love

Khalid Abdulqaadir reads his Modern Love essay, “The Polygraph Test That Saved My Marriage."  To hear our conversation with Khalid, listen to the episode: “Have You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?”           Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podc...

Khalid Abdulqaadir’s life was full of secrets. He started keeping them when he was a teenager, after his father was accused of an unimaginable crime. He didn’t want to explain his family history every time he started a new relationship. So his secrets followed him, even as he got married. Many years later, Khalid was interviewing for a job in the U.S. government, and he was required to take a poly...

Samantha Joseph’s childhood was scattered with golden trips to California to visit her Aunt Gail. Aunt Gail was the cool aunt. She worked in Hollywood and befriended actors like Robin Williams, Mayim Bialik and the cast of “Friends.” And yet she was still relatable (she’d get on the floor and play like a kid). One day, those trips to California stopped: Aunt Gail no longer wanted to see Samantha’s...

Samantha Joseph reads her Modern Love essay, “I Had to Stop Asking Why.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Samantha in the “Modern Love” podcast feed - the episode is called “I Needed David Schwimmer’s Help:.  You can also read Samantha’s essay on the New York Times website here. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorit...

Nell Stephens reads her Modern Love essay, “How I Lost the Financé but Won the Honeymoon.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Nell in the “Modern Love” podcast feed.  You can also read Nell’s  essay on the New York Times website here . Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/act...

Bored and in love, Nell Stevens found a hobby combing the internet and entering her name into online contests. But, when she actually wins a prize — a luxury honeymoon in India — her world falls apart: The man she thought she was going to marry breaks up with her. She decides to go on the trip anyway. On today’s show, the host Anna Martin talks with Nell about her fiancé-less honeymoon — and what...

The last time David visited his ailing grandmother, he hid his wedding ring in his pocket. He’d never told her about his identity as a gay, married man. Fearful David’s grandmother would disown him, his family never told her about David’s loving marriage with his husband, Constantino. It was an untruth David lived with until the day she died. Today, David shares how that untruth left a gaping hole...

Imagine you are on vacation. Your favorite shirt is waiting for you in your suitcase. You go to put it on, only to realize it’s not there. You forgot it, and there’s nothing you can do now. That’s an experience that played out time and again for Natalie Muñoz, who split her childhood and adolescence between her parents’ houses after their divorce. Now that she’s turning 18, she tells us how she’s...

Kema Christian-Coates’s childhood was filled with “holiday men,” absentee fathers — including her own — who returned each year around Christmas only to disappear again. Her father’s absence left a hole in her life and the fear that she, like her mother and grandmother, would never find a man she could rely on. Today, we hear Kema’s story on realizing the power of her mother and grandmother’s prese...

Having sex in a car is usually a last resort, born from the trappings of youth. For Susan Silas, it was a midlife necessity. While working as a production accountant on a sitcom, Susan met a teamster. Despite having little in common — he was former military; she had been an antiwar protester — they hit it off. But, without a private place to go to, they found themselves having sex in the back seat...

As one of the only Indian girls in her tiny Canadian mountain town, Natasha Singh stood out — and she was unafraid of being different. At 13, she shaved her head. By 17, she had run away for good. A few years later she came out to her mother. Natasha’s worldview was worlds apart from her very traditional immigrant parents. Her mother always wore a sari — never pants — and Natasha longed for the po...

Clare Almand was born with congenital heart disease, so her life was never what she would call “normal.” By the time she was 30, she’d had 10 open-heart surgeries and her health was rapidly declining. Clare thought she was dying. With death looming, she was running out of time to do something she’d never done, something she felt like everyone else had already checked off their list. Clare felt she...

Bob Morris could tell that something was changing with his elderly father: His car was clean, his manners had improved and he had a shine in his eyes. He had a new “lady friend.” Her name was Arlene. Arlene loved Bob’s father, but she also set clear boundaries with him. She didn’t want to care for him when he got sick and — despite what Bob’s father led Bob to believe — she didn’t want to marry hi...

Sam and Tyler’s relationship was built on a philosophy of joy. Together, they climbed trees, ate cream puffs in bed, and danced in a field with their friends. But, after three years together, Sam was no longer in love, and they broke up. A few months later, Sam was in a terrible accident. He had amnesia. He knew Tyler was important to him, but not why. He’d forgotten their entire relationship — an...

Denny Agassi moved to New York City with a mission: She was looking to have great sex. Her first summer in the city, Denny downloaded the dating app Grindr. She filtered for trans friendly men looking for sex or short flings — and it worked. Then, one day, she got a message from a man named Jack. He was poised, curious and caring. What she thought could only be something casual — a Grindr relation...

When Jay Shetty graduated from college, he was prepared for two different paths in life: to work in finance, or become a Hindu monk. After three years at an ashram, Jay returned home to London hoping to share his learning with the world. He had to relearn how to make small talk — and how to flirt. He had his eye on someone special: a down-to-earth woman named Radhi. Their first date was a disaster...

12 hopeful singles, thrown into a villa in Spain, hooking up, breaking up and making up. When Sophie Mackintosh was experiencing one of the darkest periods of her life, the reality TV show became her obsession. There was something about it that was deeply validating — and kept her coming back. Today: Sophie’s reflections on "Love Island." Plus, Lindsey Underwood, a Styles editor at The New York Ti...

Mark Jason Williams and his mom often butted heads on two issues: She was uncomfortable when he brought up anything about being gay, and he was tired of her incessantly talking about how he survived childhood cancer. By the age of 40, Mark had reached his wit’s end. He stopped pleading for her to change and instead proposed a $100 bet. But the real change in their relationship came when Mark broke...

“The only three men I had ever imagined a future with all told me that something was missing,” Oz Johnson wrote in her Modern Love essay. When Oz was 23, her boyfriend said she met 99 percent of his criteria, but she was missing 1 percent. Over a decade later, another man broke up with her via email. Their love was almost perfect, he said, but not enough to last. What is this missing, unquantifiab...

Felice Neal was in the checkout line at Whole Foods when she dropped her sweet potato. A handsome customer behind her said, “I think this is yours.” Felice was smitten. Felice believes this meet-cute was fate — and it opened her up to new ways of looking for love in a city full of millions of strangers. Then, Jessica Strange shares her story about losing her husband, and selling the house they had...

When it came to dating, Aly Tadros was used to hiding the messy parts of her life. “Why even bother? As soon as a guy finds out about my baggage, he bolts,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay. That is, until Dan from OkCupid came along. His dating profile read: “I’m a feminist. I respect women while simultaneously enjoy dominating them.” That was the start of Aly’s journey into B.D.S.M. Today, Aly...

In her early 20s, Annabelle Allen longed to know what her dad had been like when he was her age. How did he spend his Saturdays? What was his first impression of her mom? When did he feel lonely? But Annabelle’s dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age 62, and ever since, memories of his past had started slipping away. Recently, Annabelle was cleaning up her parents’ storage bin when she...

For years, Evan Sterrett’s relationship with his boyfriend had become “reruns of the same drama.” Evan wanted space; his boyfriend wanted commitment. But one summer, their relationship received a guest star — a third partner who resuscitated their joie de vivre. Today, we hear Evan’s story about navigating the complex geometry of throuplehood. Then, we meet Samatra and April Doyle. They don’t live...

Growing up in an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic community, Sara Glass was used to following strict rules — including what to wear, when to get married and whom to love. “I had strong feelings that I really should be with a woman and not with a man,” she told our host, Anna Martin. “But I wanted to do what God said was right.” Sara married her first husband at age 19. After two marriages to men, and years...

What’s the most unusual place you’ve ever been on a date? We asked Modern Love listeners and the responses did not disappoint. Rummaging through landfills, listening to cases in night court … the stories get weird. Plus, there’s one that our host, Anna Martin, considers the most bizarre of all (hint: dead bodies). For our last episode of 2022, we start with Dev Aujla’s essay about how he wound up...