Messy Middlescence

One of the most difficult aspects of middle age is the continual reminder and realization of how fragile life is. This is not to say that terrible things do not happen to young people – they definitely do. However, for many of us – by the time we reach our 40’s and 50’s - we have either experienced or repeatedly witnessed lives that drastically change in an instant. It is almost as if a blindfold...

There are numerous definitions of the word “seeker”. The one that resonated with us most describes a seeker as “…characterized by a persistent and often intense curiosity, a desire to understand and explore and a willingness to question and learn”. In today’s episode we interview our sister-in-law, Dr. Alexa Dare, Ph. D (Alex is married to our brother, Patrick, the 6 th of the 7 siblings in the Co...

The hormonal changes men and women undergo in middle age is one of the defining aspects of middlescence. Similar to what teenagers/adolescents undergo entering puberty, the hormonal changes of (peri)menopause, particularly for women, are dramatic, significant and unique to each person. Western culture and medicine have until quite recently, largely ignored these changes and the symptoms that go al...

In today’s episode, Tara and Tina take time to consider and contemplate the vast amount of both practical information and words of wisdom from the two previous episodes on grief and loss . We hope you were able to listen to our last 2 episodes: “ Learning and Living Through Grief ” with Brett Danko and “ When Their World Stops From Grief ” with Anne-Marie Lockmyer . We recommend that you listen to...

We are so inspired by and grateful for the many people willing to share their middlescence journey with us. We are humbled and amazed at their courage and willingness to open up and share their personal experiences, dreams and fears. As we continue with this season’s theme of grief – we are especially grateful to our next guest. Brett Danko lost his beloved wife, Dawn, last March. She was 55 and h...

We opened the 2 nd season of our Messy Middlescence podcast discussing grief and loss . We continue with that topic – which will be a recurring theme this season – in our interview today with Anne-Marie Lockmyer (https://www.griefandtraumahealing.com/) . Anne-Marie is a grief recovery specialist and award winning author of the book “ When Their World Stops: The Essential Guide to Truly Helping Any...

Welcome to January! The end of the holidays can hit hard. Even when your holidays have been absolutely perfect, it can be challenging not to dread everything that awaits us in January. Whether it is taking down decorations, starting back on the work/school routine, saying goodbye to loved ones or even just facing those holiday bills – January is full of difficult tasks. We think for most people th...

The end of every calendar year sees “best of” lists for just about every cultural category imaginable. But “best” is not easily defined when it comes to art and culture — especially when used by critics. Most of the culture that Tara and Tina consume comes from reading and as a result they are continually searching for book recommendations. Although critics’ lists are sometimes helpful, Tina and T...

Is kindness overrated? We don’t think so. Maybe it is our age, maybe it is the world we currently live in – but it seems, if anything, that kindness is vastly underrated and something our society and communities could use more of.  Cue Tracey Willis Gates – self-proclaimed “kindness ambassador” and author of the book “ The Power of A Few Kind Words: Create a More Meaningful Life, One Letter at a T...

The Thanksgiving holiday is just around the corner. We know some people for whom this is their absolute favorite holiday — full of food, friends, and family without the financial and commercial concerns of Christmas or Hanukkah. Similarly, we also know people who dread Thanksgiving because it highlights family division and dysfunction and/or creates a difficult environment for those struggling wit...

We are thrilled to share our conversation with our sister-in-law, Mary Carolyn Conti . A true artist in every sense of the word, Mary Carolyn is a writer, singer, photographer and theater producer extraordinaire. And her joy and excitement about her middlescence years are downright palpable and, as a result, a bit contagious too. It is impossible not to get caught up in her energy and optimism as...

Last season we interviewed our sister-in-law, Anne Mielke Conti, in the episode “Taking the Leap” about her momentous life change of leaving her corporate job to be at home. We promised at the end of that episode to touch base with Anne again in the future to see where her “leap” had taken her. Today, we fulfill that promise by talking with Anne about the good, the bad, and much in between, that h...

Season #2 of Messy Middlescence begins with a heavy and difficult topic: grief . It may seem like an odd choice for a season opener but Tina’s family and community experienced an unexpected and tragic loss just a few weeks ago. It was a personal reminder that these middlescence years are often full of painful and sorrowful events. We may encounter the loss of — not just older family members — but...

In the final episode of their debut season of Messy Middlescence , Tara and Tina conclude the Timeless Happiness series they have presented for the past few episodes.  Here they return to the “5 Essential Elements of Well Being” and focus on the ones that have not been explored in the previous episodes: Health (physical and mental); Social Relationships, and Community Engagement. Tara defines each...

If you are a regular Messy Middlescence listener – you have by now met many members of the extended Conti family. In this episode you will meet Tina and Tara’s father, Al Conti. Al went through middlescence some time ago (he is 81) but Tara and Tina found they often referred to their father as they discussed retirement – particularly in the previous Timeless Happiness episodes. They realized that...

Tara puts on her “financial planner” hat once again but this time to discuss the “numbers” side of retirement planning in hopes of alleviating some of the mystery and anxiety that often surround this topic.  Tara outlines the challenges and uncertainties that can affect financial retirement planning including longevity, inflation, market volatility and unexpected life events. She gives special att...

In class #3 of the Timeless Happiness series, Tara and Tina take on the topics of money and finances. Tara puts on her “financial planner hat” and walks us through the importance of effectively managing our economic life and the role of finances in our overall well-being. If you are hoping for hard numbers and figures — hold onto that hope for a future episode - because this episode concentrates m...

On today’s episode, we talk to Matt Donovan, the husband of co-host Tina Donovan.  Tina has spoken quite frequently throughout our previous episodes about her marriage and her husband. In this episode, we hear Matt discuss, in his own words, his middlescence journey which has been defined by his desire for change and for more time. In this episode we discuss with Matt the following: His lifelong c...

In this episode of Messy Middlescence , Tina and Tara share their insights from the second timeless happiness class. They share their experiences with the homeplay exercises, highlighting the challenges and eye-opening moments they encountered. They discuss trying to design ideal weeks for retirement, including the influence of a spouse or partner, free time availability, and shifting from a Monda...

Tara and Tina continue their recent focus on retirement and retirement planning by interviewing Beth Nemeth who is right on the cusp of retirement.  If the previous episode left you feeling anxious that you have not started thinking about your retirement plans, this interview with Beth will hopefully ease some of that anxiety. It is important to realize that most people for various reasons do...

This podcast episode revolves around a class Tara taught at the Princeton Adult School called Timeless Happiness. This class focused on how to prepare for your next phase - be it a career change, role change or retirement. Many of the most common retirement challenges are discussed including identity loss and time management. The importance of flexibility, patience, and exploration is also em...

In this episode, Tina and Tara tackle the complex issue of midlife job crisis. They discuss the pervasive job unhappiness experienced by many individuals in their forties and fifties and question its causes. Acknowledging both the complexity and size of this topic, they begin by exploring the concepts of fluid and crystallized intelligence and the changes that occur with these in middle age. They...

In this enlightening episode we discuss retirement and aging with Kellie Walenciak based on her published article ' The Secret to Immortality: Why I Will Never Retire '. Kellie challenges the conventional notion of retirement, advocating for a shift towards working “by choice” to find purpose and meaning in one's later years. Kelly's own experiences, as well as her inspiring stories of...

On today's episode, we talk to co-host’s Tara Conti-Bansal's husband,  Nimit Bansal . As you will hear in our discussion, for Nimit, there's no big crises, no huge questions or seismic shifts happening, but our discussion highlights an aspect of middlescence that we haven't really discussed much yet, that midlife does not need to be a crisis. It can be a rewarding time of self-acceptanc...

On this short episode of  Messy Middlescence, Tina and Tara share the idea of a "Favorite Things Party" and how they use it with their family and friends. Where did the idea for the Favorite Things come from? How the Conti Family has changed the original idea to something that they do virtually and annually. What Tina and Tara like about the Favorite Things concept They share some of their fa...