Mary Versus the Movies

We're subjected to a reboot of the Hellboy franchise, which amps up the Arthurian content–Hellboy doesn't just battle a reanimated Vivian/Nimue, the sorceress who traditionally imprisoned Merlin, but it turns out Hellboy is descended of King Arthur and the only person who can wield Excalibur. But if Hellboy does so, he might give over to his demonic nature and initiate the apocalypse.  Sounds pret...

A movie about a bitter divorce and custody battle might win best picture, but it doesn't entirely win us over, no matter how good Meryl Streep's peformance is. A reactionary film that swept the Oscars? Quelle surprise , Hollywood. Starring Dustin Hoffmann, Meryl Streep, Justin Henry, and Jane Alexander. Written and directed by Robert Benton.

A young prince, with his magic weapon called the Glaive, gathers a bandit army to rescue his princess from a beast from the stars. Sure, it's generic 1980s fantasy, but it's better-looking than most from that era, and who doesn't want to throw a deadly starfish? Starring Ken Marshall, Lysette Anthony, Freddie Jones, Francesca Annis, Alun Armstrong, Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane. Written by Stanf...

Molly Ringwald is her own fairy godmother, a Cinderella stuck in a love triangle between her best friend and a wealthy classmate, in this teen dramady from John Hughes. Did we like it? More than we thought, but not without some reservations. But hey, it has a killer soundtrack, a very sleazy James Spader, and Annie Potts in a beehive wig. Starring Molly Ringwald, Jon Cryer, Andrew McCarthy, Annie...

It's our 200th episode! To celebrate, we recorded live in Philadelphia with an audience.  In a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles, teenage surf nazis rule the beaches, causing havoc for the city, until one elderly mother, her son murdered by the gang, goes on a campaign of revenge.  Starring Gail Neely, Barry Brenner, Robert Harden, and Tom Demenkoff. Written by Jon Ayre. Directed by Peter George  Thank...

A scumbag thief stumbles across a monster, a detective chases a neo-Aztec cult, and New York City is terrorized by a giant naked bird in a surprisingly good and bloody horror movie. Starring Michael Moriarty, Candy Clark, David Carridine, and Richard Roundtree. Written and directed by Larry Cohen.

The 1960s fly by, with drag races and bravado giving way to war and suburban malaise in this sequel to George Lucas's groundbreaking American Grafitti . The result is a better, sadder film than the expected cash-grab. Starring Ron Howard, Cindy Williams, Paul Le Mat, Candy Clark, Charles Martin Smith, Scott Glenn, and Anna Bjorn. Written and directed by Bill L. Norton.

Rick Wakeman's infamous prog rock ballet was captured on video tape, and thank God. While the majority of incidents have been edited out--one skater losing her top, another unable to pull the sword from the stone, still another being a knight who has to fall on his own sword due to a lack of choreography--there's still plenty of baffling choices being backed here by Wakemans' attempt at a modern r...

Hey! It's Jaws! And it's 3D! And it's not great! And it doesn't make me want to go to Sea World! But hey, it's got sharks, so I guess that's something. Starring Dennis Quaid, Bess Armstrong, Simon MacCorkindale, Louis Gossett Jr., and Lea Thompson. Written by Richard Matheson (?) and Carl Gottlieb. Directed by Joe Alves.

A silent drifter is rescued by his brother, and attempts to reestablish his relationships with his son and ex-wife in this stark modern Western that bounces between the American southwest, modern Los Angeles, and Houston. Starring Harry Dean Stanton, Dean Stockwell, Nastassja Kinski, Aurore Clement, and Hunter Carson. Written by Sam Shepard and L.M. Kit Carson. Directed by Wim Wenders.

Cautiously excited to see  Superman (2025), we decided to check out part of the extended Supes cinematic universe with a film built around his cousin, Kara Zor-El, a.k.a. Supergirl. Not the worst superhero movie we've seen, but maybe one of the creepiest, what with all the adults making out with high school girls. Starring Faye Dunaway, Helen Slater, Peter O'Toole, Brenda Vaccaro and Peter Cook. W...

An overworked air traffic controller just wants to take a long vacation down the shore with his family? What could go wrong? Well, everything, of course. And then for some reason a boat race happens. Starring John Candy, Richard Crenna, Rip Torn, Karen Austin, Kerri Green, John Larroquette, and Joey Lawrence. Written by Mark Reisman and Jeremy Stevens. Directed by Carl Reiner.

Nick Chapman is a film student who suddenly hits it big in Hollywood, and finds out how much of a curse that is. The directorial debut of Christopher Guest is a sly satire of filmmaking that has a surprisingly sweet center. Starring Keving Bacon, Jennifer Jason Leigh, J. T. Walsh, and Michael McKean. Written by Christopher Guest, Michal McKean, and Michal Varhol. Directed by Christopher Guest.

A man turns his farm into a baseball diamond inhabited by the ghosts of disgraced ballplayers in what might be the most boomer dad film ever made.  Starring Kevin Costner, Ray Liotta, James Earl Jones, Amy Madigan, Burt Lancaster, and Timothy Busfield. Written and directed by Phil Alden Robinson.

Sidney is a washed-up playwrite; Myra is his rich and sickly wife; Clifford is his younger lover and protégé. Let's just say they're not a happy trouple in this comedy-thriller adapted from the long-running stage play. Starring Michael Caine, Dyan Cannon, and Christopher Reeve. Written by Ira Levin and Jay Presson Allen. Directed by Sidney Lumet.

My computer died, so you get a rant instead.

Four directors remake several classic  Twilight Zone episodes, as well adding as their own material. Does it work? Do anthology films work? Can this movie escape the tragedy that occured during production? Is this a movie, or just tv on a big screen? Starring Dan Ackroyd, Albert Brooks, Vic Morrow, Scatman Crothers, Kathleen Quinlan, and John Lithgow. Oh, and Dick Miller. Directed by John Landis,...

Aliens crash-land in the American southwest, and it's a race between NASA and the CIA over whether the truth is ever exposed. Also, it's a race between my attention and my eyelids--this is an incredibly soporific film. Starring Darren McGavin, Robert Vaughn, Gary Collins, James Hampton and Pamela Bellwood. Written by Thomas C. Chapman and James L. Conway. Directed by James L. Conway

A young blacksmith joins King Arthur's court and hopes to win the hand of the fair Linet, but first he must defeat Vikings, Druids, the villainous Sir Palamedies, King Mark, and a very burly guy in a turban. If it didn't feature brownface and a far-too-old Alan Ladd in the title role, it might have been a pretty good movie. Starring Alan Ladd, Patricia Medina, Peter Cushing, Patrick Troughton, Ant...

It's the end of the world as we know it, and the living envy the dead. The threads of civilization are destroyed in a nuclear war, and Britain is thrust into a new dark age. And we don't even get to have any of the fun stuff like barbarians on motorcycles. Starring Karen Meagher, Reece Dinsdale, Steve Halliwell, and Jane Hazelgrove. Written by Barry Hines. Directed by Mick Jackson.

A manicurist from The Valley dumps her cheating doctor fiance for a trio of hairy aliens in this campy sci-fi musical comedy that's better than its reputation. Starring Geena Davis, Julie Brown, Jeff Goldblum, Damon Wayans, Jim Carrey, and Charles Rocket. Written by Julie Brown, Charley Coffey, and Terrence E. McNally. Directed by Julien Temple.

Newsboys of the streets unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains. We welcome back Anne Jones to talk about one of her favorite movies,  Newsies , the story of the 1899 New York City newsboys strike, which Mary didn't know was a Disney musical. Life is full of surprises. Starring Christian Bale, Bill Pullman, Robert Duval, and Ann Margaret.  Written by Bob Tzudiker and Noni White. Directed b...

Steve Martin is a lawyer. Lily Thomlin is dead. Can two souls inhabit one body without driving each other crazy? We go back to the Steve Martin/Carl Reiner well for this screwball comedy about living your best life, and have a great time doing it. Starring Steve Martin, Lily Thomlin, Victoria Tennant, Richard Libertini, and Dana Elcar. Written by Phil Alden Robinson. Directed by Carl Reiner.

We delve into some prime late 20th century nonsense when we watch a two-part episode of MacGyver , wherein our mulleted hero is conked on the head and wakes up in Camelot, uncovers an assassination plot against King Arthur, trades tips with Merlin, rescue a fair maiden, and does battle against Queen Morganna. Starring Richard Dean Anderson, Dana Elcar, Time Winters, Christopher Collet, Christopher...

Opera-loving director wants to make a movie about an opera-loving rubber baron who hauls a boat over a mountain in order to bring music to the jungle, and so he hauls an actual boat over a mountain. The lines between life and art, work and exploitation, madness and determination blur together in this documentary about the making of  Fitzcarraldo . Starring Werner Herzog, Klaus Kinski, Jason Robard...