Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

“My husband doesn’t listen to me. He just tells me whatever he thinks I want to hear so that I’ll go away and leave him alone.”   “I’m sick of not being heard in my relationship. Whenever I try to have a conversation about a problem we’re having, she just waits until it’s her turn to talk so she can tell me I’m wrong.”    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints like these from new ar...

You’ve hired the caterer, booked the venue, and spent hours curating a playlist that is danceable and family friendly, while also conveying the story of your love. You think you should be feeling excited for your wedding — you love your partner deeply and this is supposed to be the best day of your life! But instead you’re feeling a little bit nauseous, and considering possible escape routes à la...

Toxic relationships are more than unhealthy. They can be an addiction.    During the early stages of romantic love, our brains light up with flashes of ecstasy and excitement. The same chemical reward systems that are implicated in a cocaine habit also get us “addicted” to romantic partners, even when they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or downright destructive to our wellbeing.    Unfortunately, t...

Do you believe being single is a bad thing? Or that it’s a problem that needs to be resolved as quickly as possible?    I hope your reflexive answer to these questions is “absolutely not!” But, even if you’re not aware of it, you may have echoes of these cultural attitudes boomeranging around your brain, and they can make it hard for you to feel fulfilled and happy outside of a committed relations...

What is the greatest obstacle standing between you and the things you want in life?    It’s easy to believe it’s bad luck, or some personal failing, or simply the hand you were dealt at birth. But in my experience helping people overcome their personal barriers in therapy and coaching, I’ve found there’s a culprit that’s much more common, though harder to detect: your mindset.   Your mindset is li...

Your body has changed radically since the day you were born, and your mind is continually growing and changing based on your experiences. But what about your emotional world? What does it mean to become emotionally mature, and how can you build your emotional maturity?    Unlike gray hairs and forehead wrinkles, emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. It’s something we have to cultiv...

Have you ever been told that “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it?”    As maddening as this can be to hear (especially if it’s lobbed at you in the middle of a disagreement), it’s also true: The way we deliver a message impacts the way it’s received just as much as the message itself.  In fact, most of what we communicate to the people around us is not in the form of words. We are all const...

Feeling invalidated is at the core of communication issues. When couples fight, they're usually fighting to be heard. Feeling shut down, or bulldozed by your partner is not just frustrating — if it happens routinely it can damage your relationship. Today, learn why emotional invalidation happens and what you can do to stop it. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some actionable takeaways to hel...

What goals do you have for your relationship? If an answer immediately sprang to your mind, that’s fantastic. You already know what you’d like to work on with your partner, and doing that work together will help you create a stronger, happier, and more sustainable relationship.    But if you’re like most people, you might not have clear “couple goals” that you’re working toward. Even if you’re som...

Wouldn't it be amazing if you just felt genuinely happy with yourself, and your life, and like things were just the way they should be? Contentment is more than a mood state; it’s a mindset you can cultivate. It encompasses happy feelings, but also appreciation, gratitude, satisfaction, and peace. While happiness always wants more, contentment takes pleasure in what is. If contentment had a mantra...

You know that it's important to stay in touch with your self by tuning into your feelings, but how? And, which ones? Knowing how to tap into your emotions in healthy ways puts you in touch with your values, it provides empathy for others, and it helps you know who you are, what you want, and how to show up for others. Unfortunately, most of us don’t receive much help building these skills and the...

How can you make a hard decision when you have no idea what the future holds?    Should you quit your job? Cut off contact with your difficult friend? Buy the condo, or the house? Marry your partner? Dump your partner?   These are all complex questions with many variables, and it can feel incredibly confusing to weigh the pros and cons of each — particularly when you know that the decision may hav...

If you’re a hardworking, talented, and career-driven person, you probably aspire to be a leader some day. It’s easy to understand why. “Being a boss” can feel like a natural next step after years or even decades of hard work and professional achievement.    But being a good boss requires a number of skills that are separate from the ones that probably got you promoted. When you become a leader, yo...

What hopes and dreams do you have for your kids?  Do you want them to do well in school? Have good friends who love and support them? Build a successful career doing what they love? Find a healthy, loving relationship some day and start a family of their own? As both a marriage and family therapist and a parent myself, I can tell you that these are the dreams that most parents, including myself, h...

We have all been there… witnessing our Ex move on without us. As both a therapist and breakup recovery coach who has walked with many people through the breakup recovery process, as well as a fellow human, I know that if you’re in the early stages of getting over a breakup or recovering after divorce, it can feel like a flaming knife is stabbing you in the gut when your Ex moves on with someone el...

“I want a divorce.”   It’s one of the most alarming sentences a married person can hear. And — in one way or another — it means that your marriage is about to change.  But it doesn’t always mean that your marriage is about to end. When your spouse asks you for a divorce, it breaks one of two ways: it either leads to a “transformational crisis” where couples make positive and often long-overdue cha...

Is untreated ADHD causing trouble in your relationship?   “My partner doesn’t listen to me. He agrees to do something, and then he ‘forgets.’ I feel like he just doesn’t care. He didn’t even bother to get me a card for our anniversary…”    Sound familiar? Many couples arrive in counseling with a list of issues like these, and no awareness of one likely culprit: ADHD. The condition not only creates...

Are there emotional vampires lurking all around you?  Unfortunately, this isn’t a problem you can solve with a garlic necklace or some holy water. An “emotional vampire” (or “energy vampire”) is a very unscientific term for a person who stirs up strong emotional reactions in others — like anger, pity, discomfort, or annoyance. Not only do they not take accountability for this, they seem to feed of...

Learning how to face your fears productively can give you clarity, direction, and — ironically — peace of mind. No one likes to feel afraid, but fear can be a powerful tool for living the life you want to live. Fear will alert you when you’re not living in alignment with your goals and your values. If you can face your fear and take wisdom from it, you can open doors that you wouldn’t otherwise ha...

Red flags in relationships aren’t always easy to spot. Even when we do pick up on them, they can be easy to dismiss. If you’re a hopeful, optimistic, generous person, you’re probably pretty good at making excuses for questionable behavior from others, and at thinking of opportunities to improve difficult situations when it would really be in your best interest to walk away.  Furthermore, you may h...

Over the past few decades, we’ve made some huge strides toward building equality in our relationships. It’s no longer rare for a woman to be her family’s primary breadwinner, or to see a dad perusing the produce aisle with a Baby Bjorn strapped to his chest.  Yet, for many couples who arrive in couples counseling or relationship coaching , the division of household labor is still a perennial sourc...

When you become a step-parent, you’re walking into a tricky situation. You may have the warmest feelings for your step-kids and a heartfelt desire to be a positive figure in their lives, and still find yourself thrust into the role of “wicked step-mother” (or step-father), with the pain of their parents’ broken marriage heaped onto your back… while your partner stands by helplessly. As a longtime...

What is your apology language? And, more importantly… what’s your partner’s?  As an experienced marriage counselor and couples therapist , I know that apologizing is an essential skill for healthy relationships .  But not all apologies are created equal. Just as partners must learn to speak each other’s love languages to help each other feel cared for, they must also learn to apologize in ways tha...

On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re covering a topic that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves: the unique challenges of maintaining a relationship when you or your partner are members of the military, and how you can keep your military relationship healthy and strong.  If you or your partner (or both of you!) are service members, you know that the military can feel like a mistress, a...

When you’re crushing on somebody, you’re not dreaming about how supportive they’d be if your mother was in the hospital, or how adept they’ll be at receiving your feedback in the midst of a furious argument. No — you’re much too focused on how cute their eyes look when they smile, or how nice they smell.    That’s because we’re attracted to people based on their physical appearance, and their pers...