Lotsa Pasta

It was a cold, wintery night when Scutch MacGee stumbled through my door. He was confused, parked in the wrong driveway, and immediately remarked on how he almost got stuck in patches of ice. We greeted each other as brothers, arms wrapped in a warm embrace. We sipped on Whiskey based on his first-born’s namesake while we conversed about horror movies and shit to get excited about this upcoming ye...

What happens when we trap Mark Rooster in a room and force him to talk about movies for 3 hours? Well, this episode happens. Not much more to say here, to be honest. We start with stuff I feel like I missed talking about in 2023 and then we move onto 2024, just to catch up on everything. There’s some good, there’s some bad, and there’s some indifference from both of us and not just Mark. He has op...

So you’ve survived THE CUBE er- I mean, THE SQUARE (for copyright reasons) and you think you’re home free, right? No religious allegories, no last minute judgement calls that wastes all your time, just you, me, the boys, and some open road. WRONG. SO WRONG. The BACKROOMS surround us as we find our way through a mysterious facility. Just a moment ago the space we were in was trying to kill us at al...

On the Twelfth creep of Christmas, Frowns gave to me… Depression. Seasonal depression, to be exact. Yes, this is the 12th Christmas episode we’ve had in the 8 years of having done this show and I feel like we’ve simultaneously hit the low and the bar on this one. The low because TWELVE seriously? TWELVE Christmas episodes? God damn it. The bar because this one features a story that actually creepe...

What is a friend to do when the other suggests to do something against both of their better judgement? Do we give in to the based and peer accusations of what it means to be human, to be an animal with no regret? Or do we limit ourselves, our potential, and return, seamlessly to the void to live in silence? No, I mean, yeah, we read Harry Potter erotic fan-fiction on this episode. Definitely. When...

What can I say about Magic that hasn’t already been said by someone either more stupid or more smart than me? I don’t know, I don’t think anyone can answer that question - So I asked WhereAmI? To come here and also not answer it - cause we gotta read a provocative story about some older dude lusting after a young “boy.” Yeah, you heard me. No, this wasn’t on purpose and no I never vet my stories b...

It’s fun to reminisce with friends about past horrors, right? Well, this one is a bit more literal as the first thing Royale w/ Cheese wanted to talk about was Halloween Ends and that’s a past horror to me for all the wrong reasons. No, the name of the day is JASON EGAN and we’re talking his IP based escape rooms offered off the strip in Las Vegas, NV. We first did The BLAIR WITCH, then we did SAW...

I’VE BEEN AWAY. TO A DISTANT LAND. AGAIN. You might also say WHEREAMI? AGAIN. Cause he’s here too. We’re back in Cali, baby. We went to Disneyland again but THIS TIME we got into the OOGIE BASH and it was pretty alright! OH NO, BUT REALLY, we’re into the total again because it is our second time at Halloween Horror Nights Hollywood. I also wanted to take the time to talk about Halloween Horror Nig...

What can I say about dead celebrities that hasn’t been said already? A lot actually. Which is why I’m not going to say anything. I’m really not. So anyways, we’re continuing the investigation we last left off with on the previous episode. I mean, we have our answers, we know where things are going, right? Maybe not literally but how could you possibly know where part three is going to end. Will ou...

What can I say about vampires that hasn’t already been said? Well, they live forever, so they have to be pretty savvy business men, right? Not what you expected me to say, either, huh? Well, it’s not what I expected to be reading with this group of jack-offs. Or should I say jack-ONS because they were on this shit like flies. By that I mean, they read and performed pretty damn well, in my opinion....

Everyone loves a good dog, right? I mean, if you don’t, I don’t trust you. I don’t think you deserve my trust if you don’t love a good doggo. I know someone who loves good pups: Midnight Bride. She’s got herself a good little goblin faced, Steve Buscemi of a dog. She’s a sweet lil sprinkle-bear. She can’t help that she was born with the face of a bat and the body of a chihuahua. But I digress, we’...

What conclusion awaits us at the end of this thrilling chapter? Something trivial that will tie everything up way too nicely despite all the questions and remaining answers and issues are directly in front of our literal fingertips, right? No, again, no inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. Just Grimes. Just a big old bitch of a stone statue. The possibilities have b...

What mysteries lie in the fictional town of Lannenberg(burg?) Pennsylvania? Who knows because it doesn’t actually exist and I’m confused as to why this is a plot point when it could have just taken place in Harrisburg. No inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. But yes, yes, a giant demon statue made of stone and sin called Metar- I mean -GRIMBUS. The possibilities are...

What mysteries lie deep in the woods of Pennsylvania. Inbred, redneck melon-heads? Regular old, garden variety homeless people? A giant demon statue made of stone and sin? The possibilities are endless here on Lotsa Pasta with our guest Ramses Vanderslice. I know we last had a really silly Halloween but Ramses is back to get into a multi-chapter story with me this time, reminiscent of our time che...

Cannibal Siren and I are on another level today. We’re operating on a whole other spectrum. An AUTISTIC spectrum. No, not really. We just got that synergy going on. Oh, I mean, SINergy. Right, cause we both full of that godly No-No. What’s more in style with the kids now-a-days, being all shitty and stupid or being reliable and respectful. That’s not a question for a reason, we know the answer. Ge...

We’re back in the kingdom of HO-HOs and Lititz, PA. Yes, that’s right, the SOFA Kingdom, to be exact. This time, joined by the royal family as Sofa Queen also joins us on spectator duty while the King and I have our jolly time. That being said, these stories were random as all hell but also fun as all hell and I blame all of that on Sofa King - he’s just that kinda guy. He read through my list, he...

I meant to sing a little song to Scutch when I saw him a couple months ago and recorded this episode but I forgot. Of course, it’s because I got too drunk and because I was too excited to talk to him about Game of Thrones and Aliens. You know, the usual. Why wouldn’t I be excited about that, Scutch is one of my favorite people on the show because of his life experience and perspective on things an...

Grandpa really puts life in perspective. Sometimes you just get caught up chasing things you don't understand and next thing you know, you're old, and broken, and telling your grandson a bunch of bullshit because your brain doesn't work right anymore and almost everyone you know is dead. Crazy. Anyways, here's some more stories! Who knows which direction they'll go. Did you understand the last epi...

The Deputy is back and he killed the Sheriff himself. What more need be said? A lot, I suppose. Join us for some NIGHT SWIM and join us for some more hard-boiled cops that play by the rules. No, nothing weird about that. Totally by-the-books procedural here. Nothing out of the ordinary going on. Just regular old story-time with Grandpa. Definitely no nightmare inspiring unsolved mysteries here. De...

So, Slappy haunted my dreams as a kid, that’s no surprise. I’ll talk about that forever. I’ll talk about how the Goosebumps TV show haunted me as a kid. That’s fine. Curse me, if you will. But maybe it is all rose-tinted shades from here on out or really, what are a couple of 30-year old men doing reading Goosebumps anyway? Are we really that far out of the recommended audience to glean anything f...

I’m gonna make that joke about how I drug myself every Christmas Eve, now. Well, I guess I already did, didn’t I? Christmas is supposed to be a day about getting together with the family or those close enough to be blood, and sharing some special time with each other where you don’t just sniff each others farts and lick each others assholes. I mean, if you end up doing either of those literal thin...

I’d make a joke about how I drug myself every Christmas Eve, but it seems too easy. The truth is, I drug myself throughout this entire season. I can’t stand it, to be honest. The entire capitalist, competitive spirit of gift-giving mixed with overbearing debt and rising suicide rates and low mental health for the entirety of winter keeps me as dreary and bleak as the 5PM snow-blind darkness. But h...

BUT YOU’VE GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS. Ain’t that right people? Today’s episode introduces us to a new guest that needs a perfect introduction in an otherwise perfect little contained episode. Royale w/ Cheese wanted to get broken in on some of the King and who am I to supply him with anything but. This is the third time we’re reading King, as we’ve read The Jaunt and The Raft on two other episodes, but t...

The world is changed. I feel it in the creeps. I feel it in the pasta. I smell it in the weed. Much that once was across the fucking planet is now here, for those of us crazy enough to accept it. It began with the forging of a spooky podcast. Three close friends gathered, seeking immortality amongst the internet sovereign. Seven trolls, great trouble makers and jokesters of the caverns old. And ni...

Today is a personal episode for me. I don’t share much about my personal life and I do that on purpose as to not mix what it is about performing on this show with what it means for me to live my life as myself. You see, what I do here on this program is put on a performance, much like in my life, to display that of a regular, spooky-loving dude. But really, it is much more than that. I live the sp...