Life Over Coffee

Job’s wild ride through the crucible of suffering was coming to an end. The devil was nearing defeat, the Lord was receiving glory, and Job was changing. I knew the first two things would happen: Satan would lose, and God would win. What I did not expect was all the Lord wanted to do with my friend, Job. I did not even know he had a problem. He seemed to be a good man, going about doing good (Job...

Shows Main Idea – A friend approached me, asking how to help his church because they have a weak view of biblical counseling. He is a lone voice with an effective biblical model for sanctification through discipleship. He wants to motivate his leaders but knows they prefer an integrated worldview and practice. It’s not that they have thought about it but have been affected by a psychologized zeitg...

When things do not go according to our plans, and the losses keep mounting, it’s only a short step from walking away from God and the caring friends who are willing to persevere with us and our suffering. It is possible to get to that place of giving up, a perspective that buys into the belief that things won’t change to a more favorable outcome. It’s a tension between humans and the Divine when G...

Does anyone love God because of who He is, or do we love Him for what we can receive from Him? I’m not implying it’s wrong to want things from the Lord because we should desire things from Him, like His salvation. However, there is a priority with all relationships. Do we enter friendships for what we can get out of them, or are we primarily interested in being with and serving that friend? Pertai...

Shows Main Idea – A friend asked on our private forums whether you can tell if someone has changed. Of course, you cannot know in the ultimate sense—not at the heart level. I told my friend it would be unwise to focus on whether a person has changed since you cannot know for sure. Biblical counselors make this mistake too often, even at times releasing a person from counseling when they can never...

We have two possible responses to our problems. We can be problem-centered or God-centered. That’s it. The first reaction leads to anxious complaining and fear-motivated comments. Been there, done that. The second response is the path to peace, even while we are suffering. It’s hard to tell how mature we are until the suffering comes, so it’s wise to pay close attention to our thoughts and words w...

Sometimes, God can seem distant and possibly disinterested in what is happening in our lives. The silence of God is deafening as we seek answers when life takes a turn for the worse. We feel all alone on the ground level, a painful loneliness that turns our hearts upward. We are muttering and sputtering through life while God is off fighting battles that seem more important to Him than tending to...

Shows Main Idea – Since Adam and Eve fell in the Garden of Eden, there have been injustices. It’s vital to recognize we live in a fallen world, not a utopian one. It is similar to getting married, thinking it will be happily ever after without defeats, setbacks, or injustices. Setting up an unreachable standard is a setup for disappointment, leading to responses that can never hit that high mark,...

What the world, flesh, and the devil mean for evil, the Lord God Almighty intends for our good, creating a unique place where good and evil intersect to do battle in a Christian’s life. That spot is our crucible of suffering. While in it, confusion mounts, tempting us to take actions we would not take during ordinary times, but even in those moments, God is with us, always persevering for our good...

Silence does not have to be a bad thing, even the silence of God. Quick to listen and slow to speak is biblical, according to James. The gifts of reflection and pondering seem lost in our impulsive, ready, fire, aim culture. There are times when silence is wisdom. Have you considered the deliberateness of God? During the Lord’s quietness, He can communicate some of the most profound truths if you’...

Shows Main Idea – Spending time on social media does much harm to our lives and relationships. You can easily find 1000 studies to support this claim, and it matters not where you land on the political spectrum. We are addicted to social media because it feeds our deepest cravings, similar to any addictive behavior. The difference is how we have rationalized this addiction through our collective p...

Let’s Start Here: Are you problem-centered or God-centered? A quick way to analyze my question is by assessing your most common responses to the problems the Lord brings to your life. All things, big and small, provide the contexts for us to examine the strengths and weaknesses of our walk with God. There is nothing like heat to draw out impurities or solidify the good things we want to preserve....

Letting God be God is one of our greatest fears. When the circumstances are the most adverse, the temptation will be the strongest to bring God down to our level so we can argue with Him. This instinct is not unusual; we do it with folks who need a piece of our mind. To be angry at someone requires elevating yourself above them to let them have it, and it matters not if the object of our frustrati...

What would you rather have if you only had one choice: a change of circumstances or a change of mind about your circumstances? My question is critical and ties directly to the quality of life you will experience with God and others, especially when things go badly for you. I suspect most of us would prefer a change of circumstances over a change of mind about our circumstances. I would. When disap...

Shows Main Idea – It sounds odd to title this podcast episode with a plea to stop caring so much, so let me explain. One of the side effects of chronic, debilitating sickness among caring friends is unsolicited advice from folks who love you. Yes, there is a tension here: you want them to care for you, but there can be an unwitting burden attached to their advice as they suggest the latest cure or...

God operates with unexpected purposes that come in unsuspecting moments. He does this because He can observe our lives from an eternal perspective as he stands outside time. His creatures have a limited field of vision that is no wider than what we can see in front of us. Indeed, we can reflect on what has happened and guess what may happen, but we only have today's fleeting moments as we subjecti...

Everyone knows God comes through for us when we get what we want. Did you know He comes through for us when He gives things we do not want or appreciate? What did the Lord do for you that you did not understand at the time but see His wisdom in providing that thing now? This truth troubles our souls and challenges our perspective about the Lord. Like a loving parent, the Lord knows what is best, a...

The crucible of suffering reveals our most authentic thoughts about God and others. Sometimes the Lord puts us in that crucible, even while we are doing good things for Him and others, to prove our genuine faith. Job was a man like this. Say what you want about him, but he was a good guy. He was a terrific guy who loved God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:37), but his worl...

Shows Main Idea – There have been many liabilities of the biblical counseling movement because of the proliferation of training and naming average disciple-makers certified biblical counselors. One of those liabilities is creating crutches to offset the counselor’s inability to counsel competently. Examples are books with lists of topics and accompanying verses so the counselor can have a quick re...

The pressures of life expose our strengths and weaknesses. It happens when things outside our control go awry; we either rally our souls under the Spirit's power or we come apart at the seams. The suffering is the test. In those moments of unexpected challenges, we reveal our functional view of God. Our unwelcome challenges become diagnostics that reveal any abiding spiritual deficiencies. Though...

The suffering God took me through was my most significant disappointment after becoming a Christian. My “prior to becoming a Christian thought” was that this new religion would be an enjoyable experience because suffering would not be part of it. I was ignorant. Christianity and suffering are so close together that they could be synonyms. It’s our suffering that becomes the primary context where G...

Shows Main Idea – What are some of the core elements that help to have a vibrant small group life? Is it best to have mixed small groups or gender-specific small groups? What are a few other things that make up a small group experience to help folks genuinely pursue each other with truth and love for each other's sanctification? This episode delves into small group life, answering this lady's ques...

We can agree that personal suffering is the one thing we fear the most. Who wants to suffer? Think with me for a minute. Certain things come to mind that tempts us to fear. Maybe you don’t spend much time thinking about your fears. Good for you. Fixating on fear is not the way to spend our time or minimize soul noise. But if you do think about your fears, even for a moment, you may pinpoint at lea...

On April 8, 1988, it all went wrong. I would later call that day the “beginning of woes.” I walked into our home shortly past 5 o’clock, and after a full day at work, and noticed the missing piano in our living room. I immediately knew what Had happened. My wife of nine years decided she had enough: it was time to leave. A simple note was left on the kitchen table. It read, “You’re right; we can’t...

Shows Main Idea – A church member sent me an email because they are struggling with what she called a “lack of community” in her local church. She is one in a long list of emailers talking about this problem, and while there are several angles to a local church’s lack of community, I’m only dealing with one in this episode: the church’s leaders. This episode will be dicey, but I want to carefully...