Last Time on Video Games

Everyone's favorite Doom-guy clone is back, and snarkier than ever. This time, though, Kyle Katarn is a mercenary teacher, and under his tutelage: You! Take on the role of grumpy Jaden, and explore labyrinthine and often disconnected levels in your attempt to stamp out some cultists. On the bright side, you get to do some sweet lightsaber stuff, and use both sides of the force. Plus, a large pile...

Nothing says "dark age fun times" like resurrecting the legendary Lord of Darkness and draining the life from an old man! Plus, the guest of honor is sure to enjoy the pre-meal entertainment: two teens aimlessly wandering the remains of his old castle. One of them seems to be particularly plucky. Follow Nathan "Definitely-Not-A-Belmont" Graves through traps and travails with us as we dive into the...

More grey lemons than you can toss a game brick at! Apparently all the gameboy games are Rockman World, making me wonder why all the GB ports of games are their own worlds. At any rate, join the Man Mega on his quest to overthrow the somewhat confusing hodgepodge of bosses from 3 and 4, and to the final castle. Also, suddenly appearing monsters over pits and just-barely-taller-than-your-shortest-j...

Not quite as good as super battling werewolves, watching the rise of nations is still entertaining; it never really got that far up the tech tree, though. Join us as we throw tanks into archers, and marvel at the disparity!

Running on a campaign platform of sweet dive kicks and sick gains, Mike Haggar got himself into office. Now that he's there, he's running the city with a Steel Arm (Lariat). Once his... friend's(?) girlfriend gets kidnapped, though, he realizes it's time to take justice into his own hands. And biceps. Losing his mayoral garb, Mayor Haggar takes once more to the streets to fight... for the last tim...

Sometimes, the world just needs an exterminator. Definitely, the world needs fewer wasps, and no moving slime ropes. Explore the epic saga of the Donkeys Kong with us, and experience the travails imposed upon the majestic apes by various handymen. Unfortunately, no one involved is competent. Unless exterminating is not Stanley's day job?

Can you feel the electricity coursing through your veins? Of course not, that would just hurt a lot... Unless you're Pulseman! Fight crime, save peoples, and be a surprising precursor to Pokémon all in the name of justice! Be prepared to be dazzled, because this game will have you bouncing off the walls.

  Never before has driving action been almost sleep-inducing! "Race" your way through what can loosely be described as cities, and connect all the dots (or segments). Through sheer diligence and willpower, you, too, can be the force that brings hearts and minds (and road panels) together!

  As with many a story, this one begins in space, with Space Japan being Space Attacked by some sort of giant Space Monster. In this particular case, it's Space Skynet. Of course, the only reasonable response to this threat is to make a giant humanoid robot that basically never actually walks (and instead flies?!) to attack Space Skynet's rampaging armies. At least you have some sweet tunes and ma...

It seems inevitable that utopian societies just fall off into the ocean or something. All the time. Seriously, it's a real problem that one would think utopias would learn to deal with. Anyway, journey to a land that is less than ideal and wade your way through a horde of monster in order to get to the real reason you visit strange lands: the charming locals!

  You know what's puzzling about Pokémon? When they start shooting a bunch of blocks and playing Tetris instead of using a flamethrower and body slam. Dive into the exciting world of the Puzzle League, where Ash, for some reason, got an invitation to compete. Also Team Rocket, I guess. Choose from the diverse cast of all the gym leaders that appeared in the anime, and enjoy as the spout the same l...

Who's that racing round at the speed of sound? A certain blue animal?  That's right, it's Captain Falcon in the Blue Falcon! Join us in the year 23xx and hop on some ridiculous future tracks.  Choose from 30 different racers, who apparently have distinct abilities and strap in. Crank up the volume and start racing at ridiculous speeds to some sweet tunes.

  Nobody knows the ins and outs of enchantment quite like Alex Kidd.  I believe this to be the case, anyway, since he's obviously cursed.  Join us as the haphazard hero fumbles through what will hopefully be the last installment of his series that we look at.  Venture forth into the land of inexplicably animated car-monsters and bizarrely lackluster level design; together we'll tackle the real que...

Ever wonder what ancient tanuki got up to?  Apparently, the answer is "hang out with adorable priestesses and learn shinto demon banishing techniques".  Also, destroy a lot of paper in pursuit of those two hobbies.  Thankfully, this game is true enough to its cutesy aesthetic that things never get to rocky, so you could probably be nomming some pocky while you're playing.  Also, something about Be...

  Bomberman's been called upon to perform his yearly firearms training.  Little does he know, the plot of Star Wars is happening right above, and he's about to get dragged into it.  I'm not sure if he's more Luke or Han in this story, but either way, it's a lot less interesting to watch.  Flail about large, static-angle environs while you attempt to bomb your way to victory.  Just watch out for Bo...

It's the spook-spook-spookiest time of the year! Join us on a quest through a madhouse, full of things that go splat!  Don the mask of the season, and pick up your preferred weapon (a large stick), and wade through the hordes of seasonal enemies.  Featuring such terrors as... spiky turtles, chained up zombies, and leech... things.  Festive!

Sometimes, you just need to kick back and let the turnips grow.  Specifically, when you have no other crops or animals, and have really exhausted all the stuff to do around town.  There's always the bar, though, not to mention a pile of fun townsfolk to hang out with.  Look into your heart... become the legendary philanderer farmer you were meant to be!