Jane Austen Stories

This week Bronwyn and I uncovered a truly delightful 80s gem: 1985's Once Bitten, starring a fabulous Lauren Hutton and baby Jim Carrey. Hutton is an older vampire who needs virgin blood to maintain her youthful appearance and Carrey is a teen who can't seem to "score" with his very sweet girlfriend. Think of it as a much more sex-oriented spiritual cousin to Teen Witch and Teen Wolf, but with mor...

This week we have a strange yet familiar case: A story of a powerful woman constantly overshadowed by her male collaborator. That is the story of 2005's Bewitched both in front of and behind the camera. The uneasy collaboration between Nora Ephron and Adam McKay is much more fascinating to talk about it than it is to watch. But at least Nicole Kidman is a goddess! Also, we discuss the secret hotne...

Bronwyn is back! Too bad it's for this odd dud of a film called Only You. Robert Downey Jr. and Marisa Tomei both do their signature schticks--he is a manic presence and she has her head in the clouds--failing to have chemistry but succeeding at annoying us. Bonnie Hunt deserves better. Shout out to Bonnie Hunt! We love you!

This week we're back with another religious(?) romcom--1983's Two of a Kind. Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta came together for the first time since Grease, in a romantic plot where the fate of the world hangs in the balance. That's right--the world will end if they don't fall in love. Also, Oliver Reed plays Pimp Devil.

This week, Jourdain and Kyle get morbid as they discuss 2009's The Invention of Lying, one of the most wrong-headed comedies to come out in the last 20 years. It's sexist, it's critique of religion is childish, the male cast is populated almost exclusively by creeps (on and off the screen) and it doesn't seem to have a single redeeming quality. Bingo?

This week we finally got to 2013's Baggage Claim! It's a film with a lead so awkward, we're surprised it made it into theaters at all. Paula Patton is woefully miscast, most of her love interests are duds, and it became clear about 10 minutes in that Jill Scott was the real star. Who is going to write Jill Scott a romcom???

This week Kyle Kallgren subjected us all to 2009's The Time Traveler's Wife: a film that may lead us to instate an Eric Bana ban (haha) on the show. This is a worse marriage and birth story than Breaking Dawn, and everyone owes those movies an apology.

When are we going to be done with the "business woman goes to a small town and gets cut down to size by a guy who wears flannel" plot? Please tell us! We are suffering! Please stop making these! Renee Zellweger is a beautiful, talented goddess among men and she did not deserve 2009's New in Town. No one did! Especially not us!

This week we (with our guest Kyle Kallgren) decided to tackle the perfect movie to fall asleep to: 2004's Garden State. Do you like The Shins, bland acting, boring cinematography and a grown man dating someone who dresses and acts like a teenager? Do you like to watch to talented actors slum it with Zach Braff? Is this really your idea of a good time? Are you okay? Subscribe to Kyle Kallgren's you...

Now that a very special milestone has passed, we're back to scraping the bottom of the barrel with this year's When We First Met starring Pizza Steve and Bad Romance All-Star Alexandra Daddario. Can you believe this is the second Netflix original film to rehash Groundhog Day? Do you think it will ever stop or do we all live in a Hell of our own making???

We made it to 50 episodes! Can you believe it?! And we're celebrating with the 2000 Nancy Meyers joint What Women Want, starring an awful man (Mel Gibson) and a woman who is way too good for him (Helen Hunt). Can you believe a gender-flipped version of this movie is currently being made? It is! It's called What Men Want, because apparently we're supposed to care about that?

This episode we went to Hell and barely returned to tell the tale. We have no idea why anyone likes this movie, but it's possible that they all saw a secret cut of it with only Rupert Everett. And if that's the case... where is it? How do we get ahold of it? Why would you hide it from us? We went to Hell, for you! FOR YOU. So we hope you appreciate our struggle.

This week, it's my birthday! And we also recorded an episode on 2004's Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. It's an oddly old-timey movie about how Flashy Guys are the natural enemy of Nice Guys in the battle for The Almighty Blonde Woman. In a world where Topher Grace would actually turn down Kathryn Hahn and Josh Duhamel would be anyone's dream guy... this movie... exists.

This week we couldn't even make it to the hour mark discussing 2000's Down to You. It's a college romcom where everyone talks like they're 30, and not in the clever way. Freddy Prinze, Jr. exudes negative sexual energy. Julia Stiles is too good for him. Selma Blair is one long sex pun. Rosario Dawson is the only one who seems like she's in college. Oh and, Ashton Kutcher is the funniest person in...

We've done multiple horror romcoms on the podcast, but none as scary as 1996's Mr. Wrong starring Ellen DeGeneres and Bill Pullman as the scariest villain since Michael Myers. It's a film where there is absolutely nothing to like and you feel bad for everyone involved. Heterosexuality has never been this bone-chilling.

This week we took a deep dive into the new Netflix romcom The Kissing Booth. It's adorable and sexist! Sweet and horrifying! The leads are dating in real life, so that's kind of cute, right? Almost makes how scary their dynamic is in the film okay because there's no way it's like that in real life... right? Also: It's a stage, not a booth! The title doesn't make sense!

This week we groaned through 1996's The Pallbearer, a Graduate knockoff with the misfortune of starring a sentient wet paper bag. The love triangle doesn't work. The themes don't hit. Toni Collette, Barbara Hershey and Carol Kane are wasted. But hey, at least Matt Reeves doesn't make romcoms anymore. A blessing!

This week we tried to tackle 2005's The Family Stone. It really is the romantic comedy holiday movie TO THE EXTREME. See also: Love Actually (which we'll cover eventually, maybe). We've got familial conflict, romantic conflict, culture clashing and a sick relative! The Stone family is a liberal with a capital L, everyone hates Sarah Jessica Parker for some reason and Dermot Mulroney is the secret...

This week we finally dipped our toe into the Mary-Kate and Ashley Empire with 1998's Billboard Dad. Surprise! It's actually a plausible romantic story for adults trapped inside a movie for kids! The leads are attractive, look good together and mesh well as a couple. The main thing lacking in the film is... Mary-Kate and Ashley. It pains us to have to say this... but we wanted more adults in this m...

This week we took it easy with one of Hilary Duff's more forgettable vehicles-- 2005's The Perfect Man. It's a weird movie where a teenage girl makes up a fake dream man for her very beautiful and shockingly desperate mother. Chris Noth looks bored and lost post-Sex and the City. Heather Locklear has to pretend she isn't gorgeous. It's all strange. But at least Ben Feldman is in it, and he's very...

This week we tried to tackle 1999's Simply Irresistible. This sort-of musical and sort-of romance stars Sarah Michelle Gellar at the height of her power and that one guy from The Boondock Saints. It occurs in a mirror universe where Patricia Clarkson would lust after Dylan Baker, Sarah Michelle Gellar would be jealous of thin blondness of Amanda Peet and anyone would care this much about a giant f...

This week we tackled a new release: I Feel Pretty. I know our listeners probably expected us to hate it... but that's not actually the case. It's really naive and broad--but pure of heart. And we really appreciated that. The script is mediocre, but the performances are great. Michelle Williams BROUGHT IT. And the romance we discuss is actually... good and healthy? On this show?! It's wild times, t...

This week we try to make sense of The Heart Specialist, a film that premiered at the Boston Film Festival in 2006 but didn't hit theaters until 2011 (to capitalize on Zoe Saldana's rise to stardom in Avatar). It's unfocused, disjointed, oddly-edited and yet... it made us laugh? We're probably both going mad, and this is probably the worst film we've done so far, but we actually didn't hate this ve...

Jenny's Wedding is ALLEGEDLY a lesbian romantic dramedy from 2015, and is APPARENTLY on Netflix, and SOMEHOW has a cast that includes Tom Wilkinson, Katherine Heigl, Grace Gummer and Alexis Bledel. It's also been told to us that it does in fact take place on planet Earth, but it's tough to confirm these speculations. Somehow, someway, Macklemore is to blame for this

Wow, just wow. This is a rare case on the show where a film lived up to its expectations. It's really just as bad as everyone says it is, and all the dragging that's gone on through the years is entirely justified. Kelly Clarkson doesn't want to be there. Justin has very little screen presence, despite being a better actor than her. Anika Noni Rose is the only actor in this that comes out unscathe...