Indiana Jones Minute

Indy drowns to death, The End. In lieu of flowers, please read Heather Antos's Star Wars comic books.

Indy completely misses a lesson in manners as Belloq drapes his jacket over Marion's shoulders. He also misses Katanga's and his first mate's classic I Found Him/Where/There routine. Then Heather Antos or someone who looks a little like her joins us on the U-boat to get yelled at in German. Bonus: Rest easy; Indy's hat is FINE.

As Indy and our guest Heather Antos watch from a hiding place, Marion takes a swing at Dietrich, plays along with Katanga's bluff, and allows Belloq to reclaim her.

What does Katanga get for being an awesome, helpful guy? A German U-boat alongside his ship. Then Indy (say it with us) ditches Marion who can handle herself, but our guest Heather Antos wants to know why the Ark is so silent with all these Nazis on board.

Does Marion really expect to get a break with Indy? Is the Ark burning swastikas or just wood? And does Indy have to say every second? Crystal Beth helps us answer the biggest question of all: Did they do it?

It's a travelogue of Indy's battered body as Marion asks, "New dammit, where doesn't it hurt?" and finds out. With sexy, snoozy results. Our guest Crystal Beth points out that Marion is on top of the situation as we all swoon a little.

Marion is excited to play house with Indy, whose chin is killing him for some reason. Crystal Beth joins us to discuss who wears the dress-shaped pants in this relationship.

Sallah makes out with everyone in sight, and Indy and Marion perform their now-classic "Where'd You Get That Dress" routine. Not included: Our guest Sean Crespo's full performance of HMS Pinafore .

Indy and Marion are treated to a dock-side floor show as we are treated to . . . Katanga! And Indy may love Sallah, but as our guest Sean Crespo points out, he fails to get him pizza.

The moment we've all been waiting for. We finally get to the hero of the movie: Omar! Unfortunately, the moment is clouded by Toht managing to get even creepier, and the only one more disturbed than Tom is the Ark. But it's okay; Jamie Benning is here to explain the sense of deja vu we're all feeling.

It's the Revenge of Jones as Indy Yakima Canutts his way back into the truck and gives Nazi Dad a taste of his own medicine, and Jamie Benning shares yet more Wolf Kahler love.

Some characters do lose their hats in this movie, but Indy almost loses more than that as we see our hero at his most vulnerable. Jamie Benning returns to marvel at all the beautiful Mercedes product placement!

One go-getter Nazi manages to shoot Indy, but gets nothing but a truck door for his troubles, so it's up to the final truck soldier to save the day. Our guest Jamie Benning tries to remind us whose side we're on.

Bad words abound in multiple languages as Toht goes off a cliff. But not really. Our guest this week Jamie Benning scares us with the idea of Raiders of the Lost Ark: Special Edition.

Indiana Jones is cruel. Our guest Andrew Hawthorn agrees. There's nothing more to say.

Indy chases the truck on a Wook-- uh, horse, Belloq's worst nightmare comes true, and our hero starts brutally killing people. Look out, Andrew Hawthorn! Look out!

Let's get this Nazi party started right! The Ark caravan revs up to begin maybe the greatest sequence in cinema history. Unless you're the guy who has to drive sitting next to Toht. Andrew Hawthorn returns with tips for safely handling your Ark shipment.

God blows up a tower, Sallah rolls with his friends not being dead, and a truck arrives in five-four time. Bonus question: Can our guest Andrew Hawthorn read our minds?

That circle theory from last week culminates in the most dangerous circle of all. But you know, we don't SEE Otto Von Bluto get killed so it's possible he just went toe-to-toe with that propeller for the full twelve rounds. Andrew Hawthorn from the No Time for Heroics podcast joins us, wearing a splatter-proof poncho.

Even frakkas-seeking hobby pugilists get the blues, and our guest Brett Stillo proves he was the best Raiders fan even before the movie came out.

Returning guest Brett Stillo is dazzled as Indy does a crazy pirouette for some reason, and as Marion auditions for Saving Private Ryan.

Indy has seen better days, and so has Tom and Gerry's friendship. Can Pete and returning guest Brett Stillo keep it all together? Cliffhanger!

Rufus Rumpushauser emerges for fisticuffs, Pete helps Tom with his German, Gerry unearths a lost line of dialogue, and Dietrich puts his dogs up as Wolf Kahler gets more love from our guest Brett Stillo.

An old friend (not the one you think) visits from earlier in the movie as Marion and Indy exit the made-up-as-it-goes Well of Souls. Oh, and check out that crazy plane! Our guest Brett Stillo assures us that thing was as real as you are. But did it fly??

You gotta hand it to Indy; when he destroys a priceless relic from history he goes all the way. Our guest Dr. Eric Wells is just glad no one was hurt.