Honestly Unorthodox

Groups who claim to oppose any sort of norms or customs are those who also require them, as the existence of norms is what allows such groups to appear rebellious, edgy, or “different”. In an iconic moment on August 28th, 2003, we witnessed Britney Spears and Madonna make out on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards. Are they lesbians? I thought Madonna was dating Dennis Rodman? And what about Britn...

“I’m going to show you a trick. If you try to point to something outside and start a conversation with Ms. Nora and the guards, you can flip the packet of butter over before actually using any of it on your food. They won’t even notice as long as you leave it facing down on your tray.” The advice given to me above was from a patient that, in retrospect, must have been quite a few years older than...

Topics Covered: * The Holy Billable Hour * Minimal incentive to do “good work” because of the billable hour * Poor services delivered because the incentive is insurance, not therapy * What I initially wanted to do * Why I can’t seem to figure out business * Why do people go to therapy for their whole life? * What now? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribe...

While this may be hard for many to believe, I’m a squishy puddle at my core, and I tend to fold quite easily during face-to-face conversation. For those who have experienced the thrashing ballet that is me telling a story, you’ve likely chuckled at my excessive use of gestures and spastic voice inflection. My arms and hands flail as if I’m a seizing orangutan, all of which occurs mostly without my...

As usual, I’d love to hear your thoughts and concerns. subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit honestlyunorthodox.substack.com

Therapeutic fields have become known for such magical jargon as accepting everyone just as they are, including the schizophrenic person who defecates in public and spits on innocent passersby, or the profoundly intellectually disabled individual who attempts to gauge their own eyes out with a fork. We’ve also come to believe children know themselves best, as characterized by therapists-turned-acti...

Man do I miss podcasting! Today’s episode reviews the following: * Have services for mental illnesses ever been “good”? What does the ideal service model even look like? * If we have access to endless therapies and psychotropics in individualized, wealthy countries like America… why are we the most miserable, clinically? * What might your version of “good” mental health services look like, and why...

In a slew of recent evaluations I’ve received for review, I’ve noticed a semantic pattern in almost all of them: “anxiety” is listed as the primary motive for engaging in dangerous or inappropriate behavior. When anxiety entered our culture’s treasured lexicon, it gained almost immediate traction with Millennial and Gen-Z aged populations. Routine nervousness in typically nerve-wracking situations...

Most personality development occurs during childhood, stabilizing in later adolescence and “formalizing” in very young adulthood. Our personalities tend to remain quite stable over time, which is perhaps advantageous for the goodhearted and disappointing for the inborn assholes. We may consider, then, a good sense of humor an essential aspect of our character. For the person who gives to charity,...

“At the end of each week, we’re going to do an Employee Shout-Out! It’s just a really great opportunity to be transparent with one another about what we appreciate and just to like, I don’t know, like, notice hard work!” The employee shout-out is the compelled elementary school birthday invitation. Decent parents swiftly form alliances with other couples in shared hatred for the Smith’s spoiled ki...

Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm” has a great episode about two couples passive-aggressively trying to communicate to one another that it’s their turn to pay for dinner. These sorts of mores in social gatherings are generally untaught— it’s secondhand etiquette gained almost entirely through direct experience with people we’d classify as stingy. Larry’s wife, after expressing increasing frustra...

“No more Goldfish for today? It’s 10AM! What if I pass away?!”- a wise 6-year-old Us adults are scorched by the heat of our misguided passions, emotional baggage, and dysfunctional childhoods. According to Kohlberg’s stages of moral development, post-conventional wisdom develops following a stage largely dictated by external rules and expectations. That is, we move from only behaving appropriately...

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit honestlyunorthodox.substack.com

Dylan and I have made it our mission: * On Tuesdays, we don’t complain. (If you haven’t read Tuesday’s with Morrie, it is an absolutely stellar, insightful, and feel-good read.) * We want to increase conversation. Face to face. Please email either or both of us should you hear something you find interesting and want to indulge us with your thoughts!!!! theangrybehavioranalyst@gmail.com or dylanh72...

Organizational behavior clinicians, Adam Grant being one of the most widely known, remind us that creating a psychologically safe workplace is a surefire means of hacking “productivity”. In attempting to control an employee’s sense of emotional security, managerial teams opt for addressing the inevitable concerns that arise when one is forced to collaborate with different personalities, different...

My masculine temperament has, undoubtedly, served me socially. I’d go so far as to say it’s even benefitted me in an emotional sense. A rugged charisma coupled with thoughtful aloofness, specifically regarding personal upsets, has resulted in friendships I intend on securing for decades. Perhaps unsurprisingly, many of these friendships are with men.   Men are, by proxy, easier than women. What my...

Debating teaches invaluable skills to young children and adults alike, primarily the intricate art of constructive listening. Many have come to associate the word “debate” with “arguing” or “obliterating” an opponent’s entire worldview; “liberal/conservative gets destroyed in race debate”, and equally idiotic rhetoric, rack up millions upon millions of views by audiences largely terrified of being...

People pleasing is an attempt to control someone’s behavior, particularly their opinion of you. It is not as virtuous or even as kind as it’s often depicted as; people pleasers often portray themselves as “big-hearted”, “overly-compassionate”, and even “overthinking”. Interestingly, acquaintances of people-pleasers largely seem to believe they’re victims of a social tragedy, as if they’re struck w...

“I just couldn’t do it because I was too anxious.” Ah yes, the emotional alibi, the slick cover we employ when we recognize our typical mechanisms have failed us. In understanding how rationalizing escape or justifying avoidance is detrimental to our psyche, we must also see it for what it is: widely useful and entirely innate. As I’ve written in several previous pieces, our ancient brains are bio...

“Be in the world, but not of it.” A biblical verse may sound hypocritical coming from me, as I’ve written quite frequently about how I am a half-ass Atheist. Unsure of where I stand in my relation to any sort of God or religion, my husband prefers to categorize my uncertainty as “agnostic”: a person who simply claims neither faith nor belief in God. Admittedly, I’ve utilized the phrase “Goddamnit”...

My Mom always used to think The Giving Tree was one of the saddest, albeit necessary, childhood reads. The story primarily focuses on two characters, illustrated using simple linework and a limited color palette. The plot, written by Shel Silverstein, traces the life of a boy from childhood through adulthood, focusing on the relationship he’s forged with a large tree in his backyard. The tree, wit...

HOUSEKEEPING + CHALLENGES 1.     Please, keep the letters coming! If you want to be a part of our pen pal club, in which we write holiday letters to those in group homes and residential treatment centers, email me at theangrybehavioranalyst@gmail.com . The more the merrier! Ideally, this can continue throughout the entire year. No holidays necessary. Thanks for reading honestly unorthodox.! Subscr...

#FirstWorldProblems , which used to carry their own hashtag when hashtags hit the social scene as chic emblems of sarcasm, are similar to Rob Henderson’s concept of “luxury beliefs”. Henderson describes luxury beliefs as those that are essentially only nuisances of the elite, as those lucky enough to be affected by such minor problems lack perspective as to more grave challenges faced by those of...