Here's the Tower

Episode 119 I’m the kind of rapper who likes to rap And I’m rapping to my rap songs when I rap And everybody knows that I like to rap And now you’re the one listening to me when I rap And I’m the kind of rapper who likes to rap And if you listen to me then it’s because I’m rapping And if you want to listen to the songs that I rap Well, just listen up cuz here&#8...

Episode 118 KitKat is a pretty good candy bar. It’s certainly not as great as anything in the Reese’s Universe – and we’ll discuss that – but it also certainly isn’t as bad as your neighbor’s mom’s candy bars.  It doesn’t have shredded coconut in it. Thank the stars for that. They could do a lot worse. Yikes. Please note that no market research was pe...

Episode 117  At the end of the long 2024 campaign, Donald Trump gives a late night speech to a crowd of his weary supporters. Scott Ritcher as Trump, with the help of voice-altering software.

Episode 116  As a very lucky adult, I have toured the US and Europe many times, singing and playing guitar for people. But in my younger years – when I was the handsome young man you see in this photo – the music I made was keyboard based.  When I was a senior in high school, I was in a synthesizer band called Pink Aftershock . We released a cassette tape of some of our originals songs on this dat...

Episode 115  After a long summer’s day on the countryside, two special friends lie in the grass at look at the stars. As their slow, sleepy conversation winds along, some important questions are discussed.  Special guest voice: Sararose Willey  Music used with permission: “This Is Where He Went” by David Celeste  Associate producer: Betsy McClimans 

Episode 114  In the middle of the supermarket, the protagonist of today’s 44-second audio drama comes to a painful realization.  As omniscient observers, we know he shouldn’t be so hard on himself. Despite what the product’s name might suggest, Bisquick can be used for much more than quickly making biscuits. Pancakes, quiches, and pizza crusts can also be found in its wheelhouse....

Episode 113  From the producers of the groundbreaking documentary “The Greatest Events of World War II in Colour” comes an all new documentary experience: “The Greatest Speeches of the 20th Century in Stereo.”  Experience the century’s greatest orators as you’ve never heard them before.  Music: “American Frontiers” by Aaron Kelly ...

Episode 112  The charming and affable Chattahoochee River Strangler stops by with a personal message for listeners of Here’s the Tower. He doesn’t care for the nickname the media has invented for him, nor is he a fan of the way he was portrayed as evil and mysterious on an earlier episode of this program . He’s so likable and easygoing, the least we can do is give Terry Wayne Mac...

Episode 111  Today we’ll take a look back at some pivotal moments in American history as they unfolded on YouTube… and we’ll enjoy some of the lowest hanging fruit in the world of impersonations.  If you take anything away from this episode, I hope it is this catchphrase: What you want to do is just go ahead and jump out of the dirigible.  Associate producer: Betsy McClimans 

Episode 110  Here’s the Tower investigates a coordinated effort by food packagers to make the lids on jars increasingly tighter. This worldwide strategy has resulted in trapping delicious salsa forever inside unopenable jars, as well as a growing stockpile known as the Fort Knox of Pickles. That’s what it’s coming down to, folks. That’s what it’s coming down to. Assoc...

Episode 109  The weather is getting warmer and if you’re like a lot of folks, you’re thinking about buying a new bike.  Thankfully, your bro Todd is here to answer all your questions on his Legitimate Bicycles Review Channel.  Associate producer: Betsy McClimans  Music used with permission:  “Dainty Day” by View Points  “Buckle Up and Break Free” by Harper Rey &...

Episode 108  Just my luck, I found the real text after I already recorded my dramatic reading…  Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedic...

Episode 107  I had a dream last night about how it was tropical and breezy on the island. Dammit! If I could only focus and put it into words. Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Episode 106  It is a snowy winter night at the Tower’s mountaintop manor as Lord Chutney responds to a desperate rasp upon the door. A weary guest is brought in from the cold for a private audience with the Tower. But on the way down the twisting hallway and through the library, the visitor is advised to be careful. The Tower is a most curious fellow who exhibits all manner of eccentricity....

Episode 105  Standup comedian Chekhov Foxworthy made his debut in episode 63  back in 2019. Now he is back with more bits from his classic routine. If your photos look like a Barbie doll and you have that fuzzy face filter… you might be a Russian spammer. If the background of your photos looks like the furniture in a funeral home… you might be a Russian spammer. If you tell me I might be...

Episode 104  It’s hard to believe, but it was 24 action-packed episodes ago that we started playing Fantasy Cabinet . As you may recall, for about six weeks leading up to the presidential election in 2020, Here’s the Tower listeners were invited to submit brackets containing the names of people they thought would be in the next president’s cabinet. Eight players competed for 31 weeks an...

Episode 103  Bertrand Benoit looks back on his long life as a Cajun grifter.  He spent years walking town to town along the swampy roads of Louisiana. He passed his days doing card tricks, hustling people out a few bucks, running afoul of the law, and breaking a few hearts across the bayou.  Now he feels at home just about anywhere.  Here’s the Tower presents DEM CAWDS Scott Ri...

Episode 102 It’s time to warm up those rusty pipes again and sing along to your favorite television theme songs. If you can believe it, our first Theme Song Sing Along was just 70 short episodes ago. Don’t sweat it if you can’t perfectly hit all the notes like I can. I’m a semi-professional singer who has sold literally dozens of records. Just open those windows and sing li...

Episode 101 It all started innocent enough. We were just kids, knocking around, having fun. But then the money started rolling in. Alternate titles: We’re Too Far Into This To Back Out Now The Phone Stays In the Box Keep Those Breadsticks Coming Music in this episode: “Palermo” by Trabant. Used with permission. Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Episode 100 Enjoy the warm, crackling sound of vintage vinyl, and know when to take a sweater. Guest voices: Mark Brickey from Adventures in Design as the record collector Wichita’s own Emmy-winning reporter Annette Lawless as meteorologist Jenn Webber Yes, that’s right. An actual Emmy winner participated in this. Happy 100th episode, everybody. Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Episode 99 Previously on The Price Is Right : Sometimes I wish my favorite television shows had crossover episodes. Music in this episode: “Foliage” by Bladverk Band “Let This Be a Lesson” by Eludent “Destiny Rising” by Formant X “On the Franches Mountains” by Jura Orchestra Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Episode 98 It’s December 1941. The scene is the main room of the Café Americain in Casablanca, Morocco. It’s late at night as Ilsa finds Rick drowning his sorrows at the bar. She walks in and pulls up a stool. Starring: Sararose Willey as Ilsa Humphrey Bogart as Rick Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Episode 97 Everybody knows the formula for making a hit record: sing about life hacks for household chores. I have a simple rule I like to live by It comes in handy in lots of situations And it’s called… Put it on the bottom After you wash the dishes And you’re putting them away Put the clean ones on the bottom of the stack If you put the clean ones on the top The same dishes get used...

Episode 96 During the long winters in Sweden, cozy weekend parties in friends’ apartments are a big help in making cold darkness more bearable. I have missed those parties this year, since getting together like that hasn’t been possible* during the pandemic. Stockholm’s apartments are fairly compact and the refrigerators are also small, so there’s not a lot of space to keep beer...

Episode 95 Small town radio host Lester Hopkins is happy to share his knowledge and advice on any topic his listeners might need help with.  If you have any questions for Lester or his listeners, just jot them down on a postcard and send them to Lester’s Mail Bag, Karin Larssons väg 16B, Lgh 1401, 128 63 Sköndal Sweden, and he’ll try to get to them on the air. That&#8217...