Harmony in the Home

Looking back on my teaching experience, one thing that really worked well in the classroom was giving thoughtful compliments to the students. When I complimented my students, I always tried to make it about the character trait that I wanted to see more of from them. I also made a point of helping them recognize that doing good made them feel good on the inside. Tony Robbins says, “energy flows whe...

Why would you want to understand your parents? I often say that you get two phases of participating in the parent-child relationship dynamic: once as the child, and once as the parent. On the first time around, we have a very simple view of the world and we soak up information and experiences, and that informs our experience the second time around. As we become conscious of our behavior as parents...

Our dog Maggie is incredibly protective! When she detects a strange person (like the Amazon delivery person, for example), she goes on high alert. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG! This is (sometimes) endearing with pets, but less so when our own brain does this. Let me explain. The ego is part of the inner Self. It’s usually formed at a young age. It carries around a lot of weight. Sometimes our perceptio...

As 2020 draws to a close, I’ve been reflecting on all the wild things that have happened this year! One fun twist to this unprecedented year happened just a couple weeks ago. My editor posted a video to TikTok where he reacts to my description of how unhealed childhood trauma manifests. That video has now been viewed 241 THOUSAND times, and it’s brought new listenership to the podcast! How wild is...

Technology surrounds us. Everyone has to have a phone so parents can keep track of their children, video game systems are everywhere - and with the pandemic, tablets and computers now play a major role in our kids’ education. Many parents are confused as to what the correct amount of screen time is for their children. Well, I’m here to demystify that for you, because I asked all the experts and pe...

I recently cleaned out my closet. I donated and threw out years’ worth of buildup. All those clothes, personal effects, and trinkets that were causing me stress are (for the time being) under control! And WOW, it feels great. Life can be like that too. We get buried under tasks and appointments and literal physical stuff just like in my closet. If we don’t know how to get out from under the pile,...

If you’ve ever felt the need to yell at your child over what your rational mind knows is something totally inconsequential, if you’ve had strong urges to “fix” something you dislike about your partner, or if you often feel like you didn’t get the childhood or the parents you needed to be successful, your mind is trying to heal wounds from your past in the now. We begin our lives as children, and o...

We all have people in our lives, whether acquaintances, friends, or family, who (usually unwittingly) drain our batteries. One person is overbearing, one family member takes everything personally, somebody else wants to call you five times a week, or maybe even five times a day! It’s rough stuff! So, on my social media I asked you all what you find difficult about setting boundaries. Unsurprisingl...

In the 1960s, Martin Seligman, PhD, and Steven Maier, PhD, made an important discovery during psychological experiments with animals. A behavior they called “learned helplessness” manifests when an animal (or a person) continuously faces a negative, seemingly uncontrollable situation, and stops trying to change their circumstances even when they have the ability to do so. The prefrontal cortex, th...

In this episode, I’ll dive into the concept of the “inner child” that resides within each of us. A child is living their life in realtime, but within every adult resides a little version of themselves, a child with specific unmet emotional needs in need of healing. Nicole LePera talks about three steps to healing your inner child: ACKNOWLEDGE your inner child’s pain and trauma, USE your triggers a...

I’d like to talk about bids. No, I’m not talking about an auction! I’m talking about a frequent occurrence in your interpersonal relationships! The Gottman Institute defines a bid as “any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection.” Bids can be as simple as eye contact or a smile, but can also take the form of asking for advice or he...

I get a lot of emails from people who are drained and frazzled, exhausted and overwhelmed, feeling anything but capable of taking on life. People can feel like they’re trying to run on a treadmill that’s going too fast for them. And I get it! I have those moments sometimes — not nearly as often as I used to, but I still have them! The question is: how do we get up to speed on the treadmill? I’ve n...

In finance, the term ROI or return on investment refers to the gains you make after putting money into your chosen investment form. In a similar fashion, you will see “gains” of a different kind as you “invest” in your family members. In this episode, I’ll talk a bit about Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages paradigm. In my relationship with David, it took me awhile to realize that my love language...

As parents, we often project predictions of negative behaviors onto our children, then look for evidence of that behavior. Our discontent with a perceived lack in our children is confirmation bias — a self-fulfilling prophecy. Here's how to break free of that toxic mindset.

My mom used her label maker to slap labels on containers for coupons, cosmetics, and more. It's fine to label physical containers. But are we sometimes overzealous in putting labels on our children, these precious containers of beautiful spirits?

When I was a teacher, I was accustomed to telling my students no. No talking, no running, no fighting. There was also a lot of tattling in my class (and we’ll get back to that in a moment). There was a little boy named Mark, and one day, this tiny boy no more than 6 or 7 said something that permanently altered the course of my teaching style, my parenting approach, and my life. He said, I feel lik...

Cleaning and maintaining your house is an uphill climb every single day. It doesn’t come naturally to me! I am a C+ without any effort, and a B- with exceptional effort. But your relationship with your house is the same as your relationship with any other person in your life! Wild, huh? … Allow me to explain. If you’re stressed, bitter, or angry because of a person, your relationship with them wil...

In this episode, I’ll revisit the monster task: organizing your house! I talked extensively about Brooke Castillo’s CTFAR Model in episode 65, and I’ll mention it again here because plugging your thoughts and feelings (or what you want to think and feel) into this model will help you accomplish your goals. Just like I talked about in episode 64, the Goldilocks principle of a happy “medium” state o...

Let me tell you a tale of two teachers. When I was an intern, I worked under the mentorship of two different teachers with vastly different classroom styles. One had their room in immaculate condition with not a single object out of place; the other had a pretty cluttered (but clean) room. For both of these teachers, the state of their room was comfortable to them. The same should be true of your...

People have a lot of feelings about laundry. Washing clothes for one person is a stressful task in its own right, and the more people there are in your household, the more the pile (and the stress) grows. I asked you, my listeners, to tell me your feelings and describe what laundry is to you, and many of you responded that you feel overwhelmed or like the laundry is never-ending. This is totally u...

In the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the impetuous young girl Goldilocks breaks and enters the Bear family house, vandalizes their furniture, consumes their food, and ungraciously makes a mess of their bedrooms, all in the quest to find a “just right” experience. While I do not advocate emulating Goldilocks’ uncivilized behavior, I have taken away a key lesson: finding a happy medium as...

SHOW NOTES You may sit and wonder — how did your parents do it? The sheer amount of decisions you need to make as a parent (first for your children, then with them) may be overwhelming. Should I use cloth or disposable diapers? Co-sleep or a separate crib/bed? Nursing or formula? Television watch time quota? Allowance for chores? The list goes on and on. When discussing the conundrum of making dec...

In this episode, we’ll be continuing the dialogue I started In episode 61. I’ll be responding to more questions from you, my listeners, and expounding on the ease with which we “lose ourselves” and our identities outside of parenthood. I’ll also speak even more regarding our pressing need to reclaim and nurture our non-parent identities in order to be the best parents we can be. We owe it to our c...

I have received hundreds of emails from listeners — parents who feel overwhelmed by parenthood, frazzled moms (and dads too) who are trying to give their children the world, but feel like their own needs are not being met. These people struggle to feel a sense of Self outside of the identity of parent, and they suffer considerably as a result. Attachment to your children to the point of codependen...

Early on in parenthood, my own perfectionism and “mommy guilt” ran rampant when planning events, from my children’s first birthdays to a family excursion to Walt Disney World. I often relied on my children’s emotional states to inform me whether I was parenting “correctly” and sought validation from them and other external sources rather than from within my heart. On the first Disney World trip, I...